I'm gonna survive it, i know. I am surviving pandemic, global crisis, dad having a baby from another woman, drinking and having anger issues mom, teenage sis i have to take care of, online university, the only friend i have is at a mental hospital, fear of grandparents getting sick and too old, constant anxiety and depression. I needed some support. And some guy online was supporting me but he was constantly hitting up on me and at the end i fell. Then he removed me from followers out of nowhere. I survived it quietly. One day i wrote a comment about him and about online friends leaving. The comment went viral and some guy messaged me to tell me his story. I was kind and understanding and he acted like he fell in love with me. We was really flirting really hard with me from the first day but when i told him i can't focus in class because i'm thinking about him, he got scared and thought i'm crazy.
And everyone is telling me it's not worth it to worry about this and that i'm gonna get better but why did i have to go through this?! Why is it happening?! Something normal?! Yes, i will survive but i'm going through hell and nobody cares. Yes, i will survive but some people won't. And i hate hearing "boys are like that". Even my psychologist told it. Why is this that way?! Why does society function in that way?! I don't want to be a human. I don't like this way of existence. I don't like the "men emotion less and doing everyone and women crazy". That's not right. I can't believe evolution made this. I can't believe biology is so cruel. And If It's God, i don't want to believe God is so cruel. I don't want to believe the Universe is testing me like that. I can't accept this world being this way.
And yet i will log in my next lesson and nobody is gonna see i'm broken behind the muted screen. And i will pill all my strenght to make my sister food because nobody else is gonna take care of her.
Not sure how long I'll be here...
its getting worse, why can't i get him out of my head.
Broken heart and depression
