My heart is broken 😢

[Optimistic_22]

Hi hope everyone is well. I’m so sad right now. I feel that deep sadness. My son lied to me again today because he was worried how I would react. He thinks I’m strict. It just hurt me that he lied and then wouldn’t let me pick him up and walked home. I don’t live in a great neighborhood and he almost got mugged. A guy grabbed him and my son punched the guy in face. I told him next time just give him your stuff. He said well he fell to the ground so I’m strong and can take on anyone. I told him you were lucky he didn’t have a weapon and stab you. I gave him Maze to carry from now on. Are neighborhood not to bad but scary this happen to him. He didn’t want to tell me because he thought I won’t let him walk. I said not at night and he feels like privileges are taken away. His story is he’s a 15 year old that has more rules in last 3 years then he used to. Any suggestions? He is a sweet kid but says feels like a kid that can’t do anything and smothered. He also says my anxiety takes a toll on him and wants me to final work on. He also said some other stuff to me that really hurt my feelings. Feeling heart broken.

[Dolphin14]

As a parent it's our job to protect them. We set rules and they have to be followed.

Teens are tough. They want their independence.

I have two grown girls. One gave me a run for my money. It was a constant battle with her. In my mind I just kept telling myself to stick to my guns so she graduated high school. She sucked the life out of me at times. Called home a prison cell, couldn't wait to get out of the house. But, guess who cried the whole way to college??? " prison " was looking good when she was so scared.

People tell me boys were easier, I will never know. Teens are a bucket of hormones and have so much stress as they are caught in between childhood and young adulthood.

Talk and make compromises. Explain your side and most def listen to his.

It's a tough time but he will be gone before you know it.

[Optimistic_22 in reply to Dolphin14]

Thanks I appreciate your advice. Yes this sounds exactly like my son. He’s still a pretty good kid . The words prison cell and can’t wait to leave are his exact words.

The hardest thing is getting him to listen without him thinking I’m totally controlling him. When he’s angry he says hurtful things. Thanks again for advice it helps.

[Mumma_h]

Hey optimistic,first of all you sound like a wonderful parent! I was listening to someone on the radio last night saying how they can go from these sweet responsible kids at at 8,9,10 ... And then that changes, almost like regressiing for a while ,and needing more rules,it's very normal . I'm raising teens and and have older kids and I swear I thought I'd completely screwed up and was devastated when my oldest just turned on me ,around 13 , I was heartbroken but she was back to normal in under a year ,my youngest did it and were as close now as ever ,same as my boys , well ones still struggling,but long story.Your very reasonable rule at 15 was broken and there was a consequence,even more reason for you to be able to stick to that rule ,but allow him to makes other choices you'll approve or drive him ,as I say to my kids 'no harm in asking'. Are you sure your anxiety is affecting him that much ? He could be saying to get you where it hurts , even the nicest of kids don't go through growing up perfectly,,they all make mistakes. My advice is stay calm ,stick to important rules ,love him to bits at the same time and ride it out. The stresses,the worries,the ups and downs are all part of it ,you'll never be alone there!! Also my son coincidentally was jumped at 15 on the way home from school,grabbed his bag and actually pulled out a knife he punched the guy in the face, possibly broke his nose,ran but after grabbing his stuff,I couldn't believe he did that ,ive always told him hand over anything and get away,very scary hadn't heard of this around here , police didn't catch them. Grrrr but thank god he was ok ,and he's turned out great ,he was the sweetest little boy but once that testosterone kicked in .......still protective but still sweet 😁. Wishing you all the best from one mum to another❤️🤗🌈

[Optimistic_22 in reply to Mumma_h]

Awe thanks so much for your advice . Let’s me know I’m normal in raising him and not to be so hard on myself about. When he said some things last night hurt me. Not because it isn’t true but the words he used and how he said it. I believe he feels this way about my anxiety but could of been nicer about. I do get on him about school to make sure turns in all assignments. I do except him to keep up his grades because he’s very intelligent and can easily just lack of caring. So we made a compromise yesterday that I’ll be more lax about school as long as he keeps grades up. I remember being a teenager and hating my parents too. I just hope with some simple changes and relax alittle when comes to school that we can have a more open relationship. I want him to come to me for help. I never did when I was a kid because my parents were judgmental but hope I can have that open door with him. It’s a very hard balance to be there parent with rules all the while having them confide in you and not worried they may get in trouble. That’s why he lies. I always said to be honest and will work through with him. That’s his biggest problem with me . Have to find a happy medium with him on.

[Mumma_h in reply to Optimistic_22]

That's it, absolutely youre normal! You're clearly a loving,caring mum who wants the best for her child in all aspects of his life. I actually completely lost my confidence for quite a number of years, to the point of it contributing ,and in many ways causeing my depression,. My ex husband was abusive and never saw anything good in me and consistently put my mothering down ,my in-laws being strict Europeans had no respect either and it was awful, even when the house was cleaned to perfection and my beautiful babies,nothing was never ever good enough. Ive basically always been a single mum ,as he was always out drinking and he doesn't contact them at all now . Probably more than you need to know but I hate the thought of good parents excessively doubting themselves. My case is extreme but we all question ourselves. You sound like you're doing a great job and so good you can compromise and he's open to that . Doing things you can enjoy together can be awesome too and a good chance for relaxed conversation and joking around ,it can be easier for both to open up and laugh too,good for keeping communication open!!! I know it hurts when you get lied to and it's so worrying but it won't always be like that. I didn't have any kind of real close ness to my mum and still have to pinch myself that I do with my children and can't believe they even like me as I didn't feel like that towards my mum ,sad but true ,she's not a bad person we just had nothing like that. All that hard work and putting one foot in front of the other has been worth every second!!!! Blessed!!

Ha ha Ha sound like a therapist,never thought I'd be giving advice, lol,but it's true.❤️

[Optimistic_22 in reply to Mumma_h]

Yes thanks for advice. It’s nice to hear that I’m going in the right direction and a good mom. Yes definitely have to do a hobby. He likes cooking so . He takes a cooking class at school. I’m not much a cook but said could learn together. I want to do wood work with him too.