I stopped talking to an online friend of mine because I had found out he drinks and vapes. I tried to explain to him how stuff like that is not good, but of course he won't listen to me because I'm just some stupid black man who don't know nothing apparently!!! I hate how most people in society are like this I'm honestly ashamed to have been born in such society. Nobody can just get it together because apparently we were born to be this way, God surely is doing a fine job 
I don't know what to do at this point I try to help people, but every time you try to they almost always don't wanna change!!!! At this point anyone who does these types of things, I honestly don't want anything to do with you because bad habits like these are something I can't accept and wish that these habits either never existed or be destroyed in a fire.
I'm Done With This At This Point - Anxiety and Depre...
I'm Done With This At This Point
My dad was alcoholic, he destroyed his health but now that is he is better he stopped drinking because of religion helped him
I'm a Christian but having a very hard time....
It is so hard for them and find their way out, specialists everyone tried
We wish it were simple but too many things difficult
Reminds me of the saying “you can lead a horse to water but you can’t make them drink”. Sounds like you’ve done all you can and at this point you can accept the situation or move on. Neither decision is right or wrong. It’s about how you feel.
Hi this is something I struggled a lot with at your age and many young people do. People don't want unsolicited advice no matter how well meaning you are so you come as across as interfering and nagging. If he had asked your advice then fair enough but he didn't. I'm sure he knows as well as anyone what damage he could be doing to his health but his life and his choice.Because of the pressures of modern life many of us need a crutch to cope and it's not up to us to preach at them as we have no idea of the stresses of their lives.
Oh and just to let you know for the future foul language isn't allowed on here.
I have learnt that in life u cant control another persons actions, the only action u can control are urs. The best thing to do is relay a message whether a person takes it or not, that is not ur problem. As long as the consequences of their actions does not affects u, it is gud. I am not being insensitive even though i do come across like that, i have studied people very well and one thing i have learnt is that we learn through experience, so give them a space to grow by learning from that mistake. Pain has the power to change us bcz we do not want to experience that pain again. So, breath in and allow urself to get that power back, u will be fine. Dont give up helping, just know that u can only give advise and not control ones action.
I have learned that unless a person asks for help to change I’d just be beating my head against a brick wall. Took a few bruises to figure that out. So as another replied, I move on and search for those people who I want to surround myself with. It’s emotionally draining for me to do otherwise. Being a recovering alcoholic, I have helped too many when they asked for help. Find the ones that ask you. The rewards are much greater. Peace...❤️🏄♀️
The fixer mentality rarely works and no people are not going to listen to you. If you don’t like what people do, instead of being judgmental and pushing your values on to others, politely walk away and seek like minded people like yourself. The more you push the more push back you’ll get.
Adults know very well what they are doing by choosing the vices they do. Your words in your post are very strong, you sound like an all or nothing guy, sad because there’s really kind, amazing people out there despite the vices they choose.
Hello 
We cannot control others we are only responsible for our own behaviour and we cannot change others either no one can
Getting wound up about it does not help you or anyone else , acceptance is the way to go
Is his drinking and vaping harming you ?
If not he is only harming himself , you can give an opinion but then you have to let go , you can say to someone I disagree but I am here for you if you need me unless been there for them is harming you and then you simply say what you are doing is having an affect on me so I am going to have to step away
Your post has quite a few swear words in it , what if someone said I am not going to talk to him again as I find his swearing offensive ?
You may not think swearing is offensive but we can all have different opinions and some may think it is
You and your friend seem to have different views which does not make you stupid and neither does it imply your friend thinks you are stupid
Looking at your intro on your page you seem very angry over your parents divorce and moving to a different state , I wonder if you are more angry with your own situation but instead of finding ways to deal with that you are avoiding doing so and focusing in on others and what you see as their flaws rather than what has happened in your own life and finding ways to deal with it
You say you are losing a lot of friends but I feel you have a lot of pent up anger of your own and maybe you are unknowingly pushing this anger onto others ?
Take some deep breaths , accept people will always think differently and we can try and help but sometimes people do not want to listen and that is ok
Don't get angry and upset but just walk away and find friends that better suit what you believe in 
x
Very good reply BeKind
Intolerance is a worse vice than smoking and enjoying alcohol.
Oh Jeff you are after my own heart. I completely agree with you and just wish people would stop judging others. I have often thought that these people are what make society so intolerable and they are far worse than any number of drinkers or smokers etc.
It's the intolerant folk who cause most of the trouble in the world and I'm a firm believer in live and let live. If someone else's attitudes and habits affect me adversely I move on. If they don't well fine. .Everyone has a right to go to hell in their own way after all!
I totally agree with you hypercat54,sometimes we have to live and let live.My brother is an alcoholic.we were there for him everyday when he was detoxing.Giving him lots of support! He did amazing and was dry for about a year.But something went wrong....not sure what? But he turned back to drink it was very sad,but a long story short he didn’t want our help anymore and could be very angry towards us and horrible.so I stepped back and let him do his own thing as I suffered anxiety so the things he would say would kill me inside.I would never wish any harm on him.But some people just don’t want help.You have to let them live and not judge them.!
I'm so sorry to hear about your brother. There is little worse than watching a loved one go through hell and there is little or nothing you can do about it is there. Well done for stepping back as you mustn't let yourself be dragged down too far. It's very sad.
Thank you hypercat54 I believe everyone’s problems start somewhere....my brothers started when we lost our mum.Thats when his friend became the bottle,It was so sad.But we did get him back on the right path.But unfortunately he decided to befriend the bottle again.Sometimes in life we can’t always save people unless they want to saved themselves.He can be very nasty when he has had a drink so I had to choose to walk away,It was very hard.But he does know I’m here if he ever wants to try to get better.thank you for your kind words.I do believe we shouldn’t judge people in life as we don’t know what paths they have crossed along the way.xxx
Absolutely! I once asked an acquaintance why she smoked pot all day. She said she had 3 kids and lived in a tower block, so did I blame her? No.
Maybe it was her way of dealing with her problems in life,I always say as long as they don’t interfere with me,I leave people alone.I have enough of my own problems without trying to interfere with anyone else’s unless they want my help.xx
I'm not judging him I want him to stop because I love him as a close friend and don't want him to ruin his own life with these habits...
I know you would probably bend over backwards to help.I have a brother that’s an alcoholic,and believe me there is only so much help you can give,They have to want to give up! And sometimes they just don’t want to.....maybe your friend isn’t ready to give up it takes a lot of willpower and maybe he feels he can’t do it yet! All you can do is just tell him you are there when he needs you.That will mean a lot to him.If you push to help sometimes it makes things worse! X😊
Trust me he knows the dangers probably more than you do but if it helps him get through life then why not? Unless he is vaping dangerous chemicals or is an alcoholic then I can't see a huge amount of danger. Even if he is it is his choice what he does, not yours. If he chooses not to listen to you then you either accept it or walk away. There is no other choice. You can't force anyone to do or not to do what you want regardless of your motives. It's obviously a deal breaker for you so you have walked. That's your choice.
The world is honestly messed up and crap like this is why I lose faith in humanity....
One of the things I hate most is foul language yet you persist in using it despite me telling you it is against the rules here. Aren't you doing the same to me that you complain others are doing to you? Or is this different? I am not a Christian but seem to remember something about those who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones.
You have a big chip on your shoulder my friend. I'm not saying for a moment you haven't cause to but it will only harm you in life and no one else. I am a lot older than you and have learned this from experience over time. I don't expect you at your age to understand it yet but perhaps you will remember it?
Think of this support group as a microcosm of life outside and a safe place to learn lessons we all need to. Only this is somewhere we all understand mental health issues and no one here is going to judge you. We support and encourage each other here so join in with us and share.
Hi
I know this reply is not for me and firstly thank you for removing the swearing but you say you are not judging him yet from your post you say
" At this point anyone who does these types of things, I honestly don't want anything to do with you because bad habits like these are something I can't accept and wish that they either never existed or be destroyed in a fire. "
This does not only say you are judging him but anyone else that may be doing similar and as you quote you are a "Christian" to say you wish they never existed or would be destroyed in a fire as a none Christian I find that appalling I would never wish that on anyone !
I really do think you need to look at your own issues , leave others to sort themselves out unless they ask for your help but please do not wish people did not exist or worse still they would burn in a fire , that is so disturbing , you need to learn to accept people the way they are because otherwise you will struggle in life as there are always going to be people that you do not agree with x
I meant I want the bad habits to be never exist or be destroyed...
Hi
You are young but you have to learn in life bad things are out there whatever they may be and even if it upsets you that you are powerless to change people places and things but you do have the power to change you , how you react to them , how to stay calm , how to develop a more open mind and how to work on yourself to be a better person
Life will be one disappointment and such a struggle for you if you don't and I still sense a lot of pain and anger in you I think you are not dealing with .
I hope you find peace in yourself and can learn to come to terms with everyone is different but you cannot change them you can only change you and the way you react x
100% agree, hypercat54, we all love the power to communicate that social media brings but all too easily discussion turns to insults and intolerance in defiance of democratic values and the right to dissent without being demonised.Nobody would talk to others like that face to face but on social media you can do it without risking a punch on the nose.
Ouch! I think my nose is broken....
I remember a fairly recent remark made by a woman around my own age slagging off single mothers and clearly expecting me to agree with her. I said at least single mothers are responsible enough to bring their children up unlike the boys who have their fun then scarper. The look she gave me was priceless!
I had a new neighbour a couple of years ago and I liked her enough at first to want to be friends. But I changed my mind quickly as she is very racist and any conversation you have with her she manages to bring up 'black people' and immigrants and how they should all go 'back home' etc. The usual racist crap. Me and my sister shut her down very quickly. The last time I said cheerfully that it's obviously time to leave the UK before we are completely taken over. She agreed with this and obviously didn't see the sarcasm and humour in my tone. Duh!
I am sorry about your neighbor
I'm not. I don't give a toss for her. Who cares - it's only a neighbour and I have plenty enough friends already.
Fancy coming out for a drink next weekend?......fish chips and a few spliffs after?
If hyper is busy I would like to go? I love fish 🐬
Ok I’ll pm you now thanks
Fantastic
Their is a Plaice for people like you x
I know this is for hypercat54 but if mushy peas are part of this invite can I come to ? 
Thank you for your support as well a few weeks ago , it was appreciated x
Peas are a must 😄....you’re welcome,hope you’re feeling better
Phew that is a relief And Thank you again x
Ok just for you my mushy peas are yours. Just no one touch MY chips x
Only if you pay the £1,000 lockdown fine! And the fish and chips. Ok Dolphin can have the fish - I can share with a friend ha ha. x
Don't forget the peas he will have to pay for to , it will be the most expensive fish chips and peas ever x
Somethings we can’t control and we just have to move on from it Life is sometimes bad but you have to move on from it peace and kindness to you
He is in a place. He might benefit from support or he may decide to sink to his bottom. Either way you could hide his posts and just be around when he is ready to reach out.
I dropped a friend from high school. I know how disappointing it can be. This time I couldn’t tolerate the racism and conspiracy after she doubled down. I don’t think she will change ever. Your friend has a better chance. I hope you can find a space to reconnect.
Melvincrews2021, you are a Christian but what would Jesus have done. Not turned his back on someone whose actions of which he disapproved.
When I was young I willingly listened to and considered the views of older people whose experience of life was greater than mine. Those who do not learn from the past are condemned to repeat it. But today if some older person gives advice they think you're trying to run their lives for them and you're called patronising and worse.
We stand on the shoulders of those who have gone before.
We were pretty much all made to not be all good, which sucks for lots of reasons...
Melvin, we all have free will for better or for worse so we're never going to be perfect.
Do not abandon people because they are not walking a straight gait, let them learn from your example. Jesus never said Do this, Do that, he would tell a story, what is called a parable, and left people to come to their own conclusions. He was a cool dude.
Considering the number of people who pass away every year due to these habits, the conclusions most of the time are not good....
Melvin, once people become addicted to nicotine or alcohol it isn't always easy to give it up. People use cigarettes and alcohol as tranquillisers, I know I did. Though I only indulged in moderation, which is probably why I'm still around at 78.
The only way you can pass judgement on others is to be perfect yourself. Are you? I will answer you - no you aren't as perfection doesn't exist. If it did we would be robots and not human. Being human means we are imperfect and that is the human condition.
It also means we make mistakes all the time but hopefully we learn from those and don't keep repeating them.
Never said I was and never even acknowledged it, but I do get your point..
That's good. Respect to you though as you have taken quite a hammering from me and others here without complaint and that's not easy. Well done also for joining us here, today is the first day of the rest of your life so welcome.
Well I may be sad and desperate...but I ain't no bad person I wish for everyone to be okay and not have to subject themselves to such habits either out of curiosity or influence or something....and that's impossible at this point so.....yeah....
You'll do
Must go, Melvin, it's middle of the night over here on the other side of the world. But you are most welcome here and our paths will cross again before too long.
Melvin, I have read everything you have written. You have a good heart, you are above all things a kind person. You care about others, not everyone does.
You are a good communicator and streetwise too. I think you are a perfectionist and of course people and the world are far from perfect. It can break your heart being a perfectionist.
You are trying to change the world around you single handed, an impossible task. Take note of the old French saying: "Praise the God of all, drink the wine and let the world be the world!" It means do what's expected of you, enjoy yourself and let the world take care of itself. O.K., lend a helping hand when needed but you are not responsible for correcting all the bad things in the world.
You will find good friends in time. Choose each one carefully. Stay away from people who bring you trouble (something one of my grandsons never did and resulted in 8 years in prison). Surround yourself with people and activities that will promote your progress. I'm beginning to preach, aren't I, sorry about that.
One last thing if I may: that girl whom you met online who went out with another guy. Did you stop to think she was trying to make you jealous to solicit a response from you? Either way, she owed no loyalty to you, there was no commitment, she is a free agent. You should have kept in touch, her first date with the other guy may have led to nothing at all. If he really exists. Maybe it's not too late for you.
Charm and gentle persuasion bring greater success than dropping people if they don't immediately respond the way you want them to. Five hundred years ago we had a Queen Elizabeth 1st, she said: "I can achieve more with charm than two of my Generals and their armies!"
Marvin, life will get better for you and you have what it takes to make it happen.
he will figure it out eventually my 16 year old sister drinks and vapes and shes going to military school in a few weeks and prolly rehab after but she will understand sooner than later
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