So hopeless

[oldtimer159]

Ohh I feel so damn blank. This is not justice. I feel so much betrayal, anger, loneliness. What did I do to deserve this? Caring too much? Not giving up and being rational? Changing myself for the better? Staying positive and hoping for a good end? This is what I did and wanted. Its been totally turned in over the head. I get this for trying to be good?

Ghosting? I didn’t start this and I’m the only one who bothered to care about what happened?

I’m trying man. I’m trying my best. But whenever I’m about to go into a good zone her memory messed me up and I’m where I began. Don’t I atleast deserve the help part? Don’t I atleast need one what’s going on or if I’m okay? She lied to me that she’s self introspecting. For all I know she might be going in a relationship with him. And I’m here left without a friend, companion. The only one she knew I really had.

And I’m back here again. 30 min ago I was setting up my life for the better and I got reminded of her disappearance when I needed her and I’m here at this time. The self-improvement stuff went for a toss and I’m here seeing sad videos, trying to cry, trying to clear my head by writing about this, and beating myself up about what a loser and useless person I am by not being able to move from her and not doing what needs to be done right now to remedy my health and get serious about my career at this high time. All I can think of right now is what she’s doing. She’s there doing what needs to be done about her life, like nothing’s wrong, what I should be doing.

Why am I so damn weak.

[Agora1]

oldtimer, I hear your frustration and betrayal. In order for us to help youyou must not use swear words in your post or you will be deleted by the

administration. You will get more response with expressing your anger

in a different way. We are here for you xx

[oldtimer159 in reply to Agora1]

Hey Agora1 , Sorry about the brash language. Really needed to vent at that time and didn't think about editing in that moment as I was in severe emotional pain.

I am going to delete the post in sometime.

Thanks for the response!

[Agora1 in reply to oldtimer159]

oldtimer, I want you to get the help you need as for support from us.I know you are hurting. It's always better to rewrite the post yourself

than to be deleted.

I will be responding to you because I understand your pain.

I'm always here to protect and oversee new virtuals coming on this site.

We are here to keep you safe because we care. Later my friend xx

[oldtimer159 in reply to Agora1]

Done.

[SplashDown]

I hear that you are going through a lot and it's hard to untangle. I always want to figure out everything right away from every angle, but it is impossible and probably not good to keep trying, but it is hard to break that habit. I wonder if you've tried folding a piece of paper in half so you have 2 columns side by side. One column is called NOW and the other column is called LATER. Maybe put all the categories of pain and chaos as a list under LATER. Then try to figure out 1 or 2 or 3 things do you need to focus on NOW to help you get through until tomorrow and maybe even get some rest? Then tomorrow, if you feel stronger, try to pick just one thing, just one to focus on in the back of your mind throughout the day. Sometimes solutions come when a person stops ruminating. At least that helps me. Best wishes....

[oldtimer159 in reply to SplashDown]

Hey SplashDown ! That is a really good idea. Its innovative and smart. I am going to try it today.

Thanks for your help!

[Agora1]

Dearest oldtimer xI'm back and ready to reach out to you virtual friend. Let me start by saying you

did nothing to deserve this kind of treatment from anyone. It's always the kindest

of heart that end up getting hurt.

We can never allow one person to control the outcome of our lives.

It hurts, it hurts bad when someone doesn't recognize who we really

are deep inside. It's really her loss.

We cannot control how others think or in what they do. However we do have

control over our own emotions and decisions to go on. We might never be what

the other person is looking for but we can be what we deserve.

Going for your goals is #1 priority right now. I can imagine being in class together

can make it more difficult but what she does, who she is seen with is something you

cannot do anything about. We all have choices in life. For whatever reason this is

her choice right now. Now it's time for you to choose to love yourself. You are so

worthy of that.

A good Meditation on YouTube is found with Affirmations. Affirmations build our

character and our self esteem when we feel we are not doing our best.

Listen to these words everyday. Love starts with you first. Once your self confidence

is built, there will be nothing that you can't do. No one that you will need to lean on.

You will be like a tree in the forest, with strong roots planted.

Thank you for being here with us. You are all important. I'm glad to call you "friend" xx