Feeling hopeless: I’ve never been in... - Anxiety and Depre...

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Feeling hopeless

Malumaf
Malumaf

I’ve never been in love before and I’m in love with my best friend and just got completely rejected and I have to pretend like everything’s fine when it’s not just to keep her in my life so it doesn’t hurt worse but it hurts so bad, I look at her and I just wanna be with her and it’s so hard to just act like it was before, but also not hard cuz everything is so natural with her, honestly what I think what hurts the most is she is into girls and for years she’s been saying “god I wish you were gay” or “if you ever go gay you’re dating me” or “you should just be gay for me at this point” and now that I told her my true feelings, it’s like none of that happened, and I’m not even allowed to talk to her about it cuz my therapist said I shouldn’t push it so I’m not, but I just want to know why... and also how to make the pain stop I guess cuz I don’t have any healthy coping mechanisms

8 Replies
Hidden
Hidden

Sometimes it’s hard to understand the solution when we want a different solution than the one we have. Have you asked your therapist why she recommends letting it go?

Malumaf
Malumaf in reply to Hidden

Because if I keep pushing her for answers I’ll lose her completely, which my friend agreed with when I told her what my therapist said

Hidden
Hidden in reply to Malumaf

That sounds like very good advice.

Malumaf
Malumaf in reply to Hidden

It is but it leaves me upset and unknowing of what happened and why

Hidden
Hidden in reply to Malumaf

Anyone in your situation would feel the same way. When some one expresses feelings for someone they make themselves vulnerable to being rejected. When we get rejected we get upset because we place our heart on the line. It’s all part of the game of love. This is your first rejection and those are always the worst.

Malumaf
Malumaf in reply to Hidden

I just don’t know how to stop loving her like that I guess, does that make sense

Hidden
Hidden in reply to Malumaf

Yes it does. Just because she said no doesn’t mean you can turn off your feelings for her right away. It will take time. It might be helpful to spend some time away from her till you come to a place where those feelings aren’t so raw. Seeing her in your current state is only going to prolong your agony.

hypercat54
hypercat54 in reply to Malumaf

Hi maybe she is upset because she told you for years she is gay and as you are a good friend she expected you to understand. By making her aware of your feelings you are showing you either don't understand or don't believe she is gay. You have been thinking only of your feelings and not hers and this isn't the behaviour of a good friend is it?

Or maybe she is now confused and isn't sure of her feelings any more? I am not saying you are like this but it is quite common for men to believe that king dick will solve everything and it will turn any lesbian heterosexual!

Having said this it isn't an uncommon situation and I can understand what drove you to this as love is very powerful isn't it. The best thing to do now is work out whether, feeling as you do, you are able to keep her friendship or maybe it's better to make a break. This is a risk you take in this sort of situation and sometimes it works out and at other times it doesn't. Good luck with it. x

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