I’m so scared

[Cimmy]

Here I am another day closer to going to my daughters for a couple of days to help her while she has a c section. It should be something I’m looking forward to but it something I’m dreading and the closer it gets the more my anxiety goes up. I wake up with fear and dread but j need to go she needs me there. What am I going to do. How can I calm down, help me please I feel so afraid.

[Cimmy]

Hi, I know how you feel, it’s the most debilitating feeling in the world isn’t it. I wish I could be of help to you and give you some solutions but I can’t, all I can say is your not alone in this. Take care and sending virtual hugs

[Livelydively]

What about it is making you afraid? Is it anticipation anxiety? It helps when I talk through things. I hope it can help you, too.

[Cimmy in reply to Livelydively]

Hi and yes I think it is anticipation anxiety, I just fear the being out of my home which is my safe place. I need to go because she needs me but don’t want to go for my own selfish reasons, my anxiety is so high at the moment, I just want to be there and not have a full blown episode and add to what’s going on, all I want is so peace and feel in control for a change. Thank you for you kind reply

[Livelydively in reply to Cimmy]

I hope it goes well for you and you have a wonderful time with your grandchild and daughter. You got this!

[hypercat54]

Try looking at this from the other way round. How do you think you would feel if you didn't go? Whichever is the less of these 2 feelings then go with that.

[Cimmy in reply to hypercat54]

Hi, how would I feel if I didn’t go, I would feel like I’ve let her down when she needs me the most, so not going isn’t an option, I’m just afraid I will have a full blown episode which is no help to nobody. Thank you for your reply I appreciate it

[Starrlight]

What things are most scary to you? Is it the actual birth mostly? Is it the anticipation of it? Is it the travel? All? Something else?

[Starrlight in reply to Starrlight]

Sometimes it helps me to think of the thing bothering me and visualize it in great detail going well over and over again until it happens.

[Cimmy in reply to Starrlight]

Hi, the feeling of dread come from leaving my home I think, this is my safe place, I need to go though because she has two young children that need looking after while she recovers from her c section. I just don’t want to let her down and I want to the there but my anxiety is fueling my fear and I feel like I’m in a viscous circle. Just want to feel excited and normal, but just can’t if you know what I mean, what a mess my head is right now

[Starrlight in reply to Cimmy]

I do know what you mean. I don’t know the answers though. For me at some points in life I just could not do what I wished I could and other times. Will there be others with or around you to help too?

[Cimmy in reply to Starrlight]

Yes her husband is there, but he works two jobs and in’s to very hands on where the kids are concerned, my daughter has two kids under 5 so it’s going to be full on and I don’t know if I will cope, but I’ve got to, she rarely ask me for anything, so I just want to be there for her

[Starrlight in reply to Cimmy]

I think from my experience the wondering what it will be like is way scarier and chaotic than the actual experience when it comes. So I hope it will be that way for you. What has helped me in the past is bringing a book with reminder writings and other things to calm me down like a fragrance or a meaningful item.

[b1b1b1 in reply to Cimmy]

Coping with 2 kids under 5 is a tough job, especially when they are not your own children. I think your anxiety is understandable. Can you take some low dose tranquilizers. Talk to your doctor about this possibility.

[Attacks_begone]

I'm so sorry your struggling like this! Your so not alone. My daughter had to have intense major surgery an she is only 15. This surgery had to take place an hour an half away from home an I have severe panic attacks to the point where I can't leave my house. I was so scared an didn't know what I was gonna do it was awful. I also knew that she'd be in the hospital for a unknown amount of time. Each day that came closer to surgery I felt as though I was gonna freak out an just couldn't deal with it. Well July 30th came the day of surgery an I couldn't sleep the night before just sick an full of anxiety an scared out of my mind I cried an cried out of the fear. I made myself go an I asked my mom to go with us as I couldn't do this alone an I had a plan in my head an that was if I felt as though I was gonna faint or have a panic attack, I'd go to my car an stay there till I felt I could go back in. I also kept telling myself that I was gonna be at a hospital an that was the safest place I could be. I had to do alot of self talking an just take it minute to minute. Yes there was a couple times I had bad bad panic attacks an I couldn't even try to go outside as I felt I was gonna faint an was dizzy, but it passed as I kept self talking myself an I prayed alot. I made it an she got through the surgery safely an only had to stay 1 night in the hospital. I will say every since that day my anxiety has been real high an not let up, but I did it an im here to tell my story. My suggestion is to set your self a plan an do alot of self talking, I know that sounds weird but it works. I kept reminding myself no one has ever died of a panic attack an that it was just an attack an it will pass an that im gonna be ok. I also listened to alot of positive motivational Utube an prayed alot. You got this an I really hope you find strength an help in my comment here. I'm here if you need support or more I fo or help. Also congratulations on the soon ti come new bundle of joy. Take care

[Cimmy in reply to Attacks_begone]

Hi and thank you for your kind reply, it’s so hard isn’t it, I so glad your daughter came through her surgery ok, I have been giving myself a good talking to and I hope I can be as brave as you and see this through, I’m so trying to be excited about my new grandchild but my anxiety always seems to win, but hopefully not this time. I need to be there and support her and my other grandchildren. I hope you find some peace and calm from this demon called anxiety. Take care and thanks again, it really helps toKnow I’m not alone

[Downandout123]

Also, I'm thinking-I know the children are all.set up in their own homes with their beds, toys, routines, but would it be easier on you if you watched them at your house? Would you feel more comfortable, or is this not doable?

[Cimmy in reply to Downandout123]

Not doable I’m afraid, one is a school and the other is only 20 months old, they also live about an hours drive away so I need to go there, it would be nice to have them here but need to be there for my daughter as well, wish there was a easy solution to this and my anxiety would just give me a break, just want to feel safe and normal instead of fearful and anxious

[Downandout123 in reply to Cimmy]

Awww sorry about that. ☹ It was worth a shot. How long exactly are you staying?

[Cimmy in reply to Downandout123]

For 5 days if all goes well, I’ve just got suck it up and deal with it I suppose. Just wish I felt more safe and calm, when I get High anxiety I always feel ill, just ant to get through it without any drama, mind you I feel I cause most of the drama with this anxiety

[Peptink in reply to Cimmy]

Let us know how it goes. Your daughter needs all the help she can get at this point. Best of luck to the both of you. Enjoy your grandchildren. They’ll be happy to see you, I bet!

[Cimmy in reply to Peptink]

Thank you

[secrets22]

I to am anxious about everything ,worry is my middle name,and most often i worry about things that never happen,its pathetic but i cant get over it.

[emmi331 in reply to secrets22]

I do the same thing. Start anticipating the worst that could happen, then it doesn't happen and I get annoyed with myself for wasting all that darned energy worrying!

[Cimmy in reply to secrets22]

Hi and thank you for your reply, it’s the most awful feeling in the world isn’t it, you are not pathetic, what we are dealing with is very real and very debilitating. Take care

[MissingMom]

That’s amazing to welcome a new life ! Think of allThe good things that’s coming your baby needs you! Remember the feeling you had when she was born you’ll

Be fine embrace it!! Prayers for

A healthy speedy birth !! 😘😘

[Cimmy in reply to MissingMom]

Hi and thank you for your kind reply and good wishes, I’m very appreciative. I’m looking forward to the birth, just wish my anxiety would give me a break. Take care

[Horse1958]

Have you ever tried meditation I was never a believer until I tried it. Just look up meditation for beginners.

[Cimmy in reply to Horse1958]

Thank you I will try meditation, I will try anything to calm my anxiety

[san_ray70]

Congratulations on being a grandmother 3 times. My daughter was the anxious one, but I was a worrier. She did not need me to stay, but as then I lived not far away, I went every day. I only had one grandaughter with my side of the family. I have two grandsons I know of but have never met. Count your blessings, 5 days will go by very quickly. I envy you all my grand kids are grown. Good luck and enjoy the time with your lovely family.

[Cimmy in reply to san_ray70]

Hi, and thank you for your kind reply, I’m sure once I’m there I will calm down and tend to my grand babies, I do count my blessings but it’s so hard to calm my fears and I feel so weighted down with it. I willTry to enjoy them as they are not babies for long and they are as you said a blessing. Thanks again

Linda

[ShakeyD]

What is it exactly you fear?

[Cimmy in reply to ShakeyD]

Hi and that is the million dollar question, I fear the unknown and I don’t bode well with change, I’m so scared that I will have a bad episode and will spoil what should be a magical and exciting time, I panic very easily and when my anxiety is high I feel unwell and out of control. I just want some peace and calmness in my life.

[emmi331 in reply to Cimmy]

Cimmy, it sounds like what you're fearing is the fear getting out of control. That would keep anyone up at night....🥺 I don't know if you are on medication, but perhaps your doctor could provide you with a few days of medication to calm you down.

[Cimmy in reply to emmi331]

Hi and thank you for your kind reply. It’s true I fear everything and my doctor is not very sympathetic, but I going to call him and ask for some meds short term, all I can do right now is worry worry worry and it’s getting me so down. Take care

[WolfMuffin]

Proverbs 12:25. An anxious heart weighs a man down, but a kind word cheers him up.”

I understand how you feel and I will be praying for you. You will get through this and everything will be great .

[Cimmy in reply to WolfMuffin]

Thankyou for your reply and your prayers, I’m so grateful for your support

[WolfMuffin]

You are most welcome 🤗

[blue77moon-forest]

I know exactly how you feel. I wake up in terror of the day ahead. Every little thing causes me anxiety. Nothing seems to help. I don't know what to do about it but want you to know you are not alone.

[Hidden]

I was in a similar situation this summer. Family was coming to stay with me for four weeks and I was so anxious that I found it hard to think, even.

Long story short, I was kept so busy that I hardly spent a minute thinking about my anxiety. Turned out to be the best thing for me, in the end. I fell into bed at night and didn't open my eyes until the morning, something very rare for me.

Perhaps this will be the same for you. Staying busy, like you most surely will with a young family, may end up being just what you need. Your focus will be diverted from yourself and your anxiety. 🙏🏻

[Cimmy in reply to Hidden]

Hi and thank you for your kind reply, I think that what you said makes lots of sense, when I am busy I don’t seem to worry as much, I am though my own worst enemy. I think once I’m there and busy with the kids things might settle down. I just want somepeace and calm in my life. Thanks again, it’s so kind and supportive of you. Take care

[ShouldaWouldaCoulda]

Oh honey I am so sorry you’re having trouble with this. All I can offer is my hope and prayers that you will calm yourself.

[Cimmy in reply to ShouldaWouldaCoulda]

Thank you so much for your kind reply

[Midori]

Does she have other children, or is this her first?

[Cimmy in reply to Midori]

Hi, yes she has another 2, one is 5 and 1 is 20 months, so she’s gonna have her hands full, and needs my help, so she can recover from her c section

[Midori in reply to Cimmy]

Yes, she will need you, she will be unable to lift the children.

[AjaStar]

ACT, don’t REACT…just concentrate on the tasks of helping her. Do the actions.

[Cimmy in reply to AjaStar]

Hi and yes your right, I need to concentrate on looking after them for as long as she needs me rather than dread it, it should be a happy and calm atmosphere, rather than the utter chaos my anxiety tends to bring

[emmi331 in reply to Cimmy]

Try to take it one day or even a half day at a time. This keeps it more manageable....it's worked very well for people recovering from addiction, especially in the early days, when they're pretty jittery.

"Just for today (or until noon) I will stay calm and do what needs to be done." When the time is up, start another "package" of time. This is helpful because it keeps you focused on the moment, and the Awful Future from intruding. (My experience has been that the Awful Future never seems to happen. 😉)

[Cimmy in reply to emmi331]

Hi and thank you for your kind reply, what you’ve said makes sense and I certainly give it a try as my anxiety is very much like a evil addiction which I need to control an bit better, I just want to go and be of some comfort to my daughter instead of being a useless heap of worry, she needs me and I need to do this, so I shall try your suggestions and break down my day. It so kind of you to take the time to reply, it’s been a big help. Take care

[panamaborn]

PuchandJudy1 I have the same feeling with being afraid and anxiety you are not alone I don't have the answers for you just know that there are people here that support you

[panamaborn]

PunchandJudy1 if it helps just talk about it here on the forum it helps to get it out and discuss what's troubling you I found this website and talking with some of the people here helps me feel better I believe it will help someone recommended breathing exercises meditation just know you are not by yourself in your struggles

[panamaborn]

I have tried to reach out to others and it seems that if they have not gone thru or going thru they just don't understand PuchandJudy1 try to reach out to a forum that has chronic pain disorder be around people with the same things and discuss what you are feeling I am having anxiety and I think depression I wish I help you with this but I am willing to listen I hope this helps

[panamaborn]

no not at all there are some posts that I don't get a reply but for the most part people respond just have to put yourself out there and writing it down helps me just keep writing

[panamaborn]

you are correct PunchandJudy1 how do you feel right now about talking about what you are feeling?

[panamaborn]

I agree I feel good about letting it out

[Chair1]

Hi! I'm sorry you feel like this, and I totally understand. If it helps at all, I usually feel this way about pretty much everything (I just had to go to a store to return things and was worried about it), and I find that it's usually the thought of doing something, rather than actually doing it, that causes the most anxiety. I procrastinate and have anxiety about everything, and I also know that my family doesn't get it, or my depression.

Something I have found useful is not to thing of the trip in total, but to break it down into doable bits: maybe packing and organizing, then the trip, then the greeting, etc etc. I apologize if this seems stupid, but sometimes bit-sized chunks can be less daunting...

Good luck with it all, we'll all be thinking of you, and I know you'll do it! I promise that you will, and you'll be amazing...

❤️

[Cimmy in reply to Chair1]

Hi and thank you for your kind reply, my family also don’t understand what I’m going through, they seem to think I can just control myself, which I wish I could. It makes some sense to break down the trip and bit sized chunks are easier to swallow than massive ones. I too procrastinate and find it hard to settle down. Your reply makes a lot of sense to me. Thank you for your support it means a lot to me ❤️

[Cimmy]

Thank you for your kind reply, I will give your suggestion a try, I have a pillow that is many years old that I sleep with, I will take that with me and and least hopefully get some comfort. Take care

[Cimmy]

I’m so hoping your right, I overthink everything, and most things work out ok I suppose, it’s just what I do I’m afraid, wish I could control it. Take care

[Peptink]

Hi Cimmy. How did it go with your daughter’s birth? And, how did you do with the grandchildren? Wishing you the best! 🌹

[Cimmy in reply to Peptink]

Hi peptink, everything went well, a healthy boy weighing 7.9llbs and my daughter is amazing, she was up and raring to get home 6 hours after her c section. I was ok looking after the other 2, I did have a few wobbles but got over them pretty quickly. I was exhausted and emotional but carried in, in fact the children were very good but missed their mum so bad and was very hyper. But all was good in the end. I got home on Tuesday and spent the whole day in bed because I was so exhausted 😴 I think in a funny kind of way it did me good to get away and have something to concentrate on rather than my anxiety. Thank you soMuch for asking, it’s means a lot. Hope you well

Take care

Linda

[quickblizzard in reply to Cimmy]

Congratulations!

[Cimmy in reply to quickblizzard]

Thank you