I have been dealing with life long ptsd from sexual assault/rapes. I’ve barley experienced what it’s like to be in the moment with someone and have a healthy orgasm.
I was feeling the most independent I have ever felt. I’m 28, and have a long life ahead of me. But now I am paralyzed in my lower body, and cannot feel my left leg, glutes, or any part of my groin. It’s called Cauda Equina Syndrome. I didn’t get surgery for it for about 96 hours of being numb. My chances of getting any feeling back is not great. The cases with successful treatment for this, have got surgery right after symptoms have come on.
My family is not any positive support for me. I am doing this all alone. Along with my case manager and therapists… but I am so scared. I am scared I won’t get any feeling back.
Life is cruel sometimes. Ironically cruel.
I can’t help but be mad. Mad at my doctor for not investigating further into this (back pain/leg pain for a year and no mri). I’m mad at my family that they are making this all about them. I am mad that I can possibly be paralyzed for the rest of my life. I’m scared.
I am on such an emotional rollercoaster that I just want to to get off of already.
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Have you tried praying about this? Not sure if you believe in God.
There’s a course that I recently signed up to by a woman of God Amy Freudiger and her course is called ‘Healing from Within’ over at the Supernatural. You might want to google it.
The course teaches how she received her healing in 30 days by changing how she viewed herself, overcoming all self-hatred and embracing the love and healing of God in the bible.
When I was 17 I encountered a very terrible abuse from a man and I would pray to God day and night to heal me as I was in so much pain but the medicines/pain killers weren’t working, they couldn’t find anything wrong with me. Sadly doctor seemed to ask if something traumatic happened to me and I was too young to understand that my pain was connected to the trauma. One day I held my bible and the bible brought healing into my stomach and I was FREE! I was completely healed and I lived my life fully again no more talking any painkillers etc.
So I want to encourage you to consider healing that comes from the presence of God.
I also have found forgiveness to help me a lot too. I recently bought a MP3 by a lady called Katie Souza on the topic of bitterness as sometimes bitterness and unforgiveness blocks our healing.
Sometimes we have generational bitterness too so we’ve gotta let it all go.
I hope this helped and I believe that your healing will come soon whether that’s from within or though the Lord or through surgery. Keep having faith.
Thank you for sharing! A lot of my sexual trauma stems from religion based things… I do not necessarily believe in just one god though. I think this universe is magical and I do believe in law of attraction. But. This is a heavy subject. But nonetheless, thank you for sharing. 🤍
Aww yes I totally hear you! Keep believing that things will get better as they truly will. I downloaded an app called ‘I am’ and it’s really help too as it constantly pops up all day with positive affirmations and you can also create your own. Also Joel Osteen is so good to listen to! He’s a Pastor but he’s so inspiring that everyone listens to him whether they are Christians or not. Same with Terri Savelle Foy. She shares so many tips for overcoming struggles and living out your dreams. I’ve also found books on Trauma to help a lot too. Keep your head up high. Xx
I’m not going to be much help as I don’t have the condition you do but have you ever had an orgasm without even touching yourself? I know it seems odd and I don’t even know if many others can/have/tried.
In the past(before these damn antidepressants make it nearly impossible for me to orgasm) I used to be able to orgasm just by fantasizing. It took awhile to do the first time but I did end up doing it and it became easier.
At the time I only did it because I heard of someone doing it and didn’t believe it could be done. It did take a long time though, there were many failed attempts but it finally did. It’s not something I did a lot as I had a partner and the only real reason I tried so much was because I seen it as a challenge. Ever since then I will randomly have an orgasm in my sleep (I wake up having one) just from having a sexual dream. I know you might not physically feel the orgasm but I think you might get benefits from it(ie. relaxed, tired, euphoric etc.). Maybe try googling it and see if there are tips etc to help with it( waaaaay back when I did it there was no google 😂).
Oh my god! Wow this is very interesting! I had no idea. I’ve had some parters get there with not touching there, so that totally makes sense! I will be looking this up 😍 haha thank you for commenting!
I have peripheral neuropathy in my legs and feet which means all the nerves have perished due to diabetes leaving them numb all the time, being an ex-athlete before all this happened it is hard and difficult to overcome and accept your circumstances, I am not a gynaecologist or know about ladies problems especially down there but you need to, first of all, consult your GP. tell them your worries, then find out what alternate options you may have ie: is there a tablet or medication that can help relieve some of the symptoms you have and also cognitive therapy meaning seeing a counsellor who deals with this sort of problem. see if there are professional people you can consult who know this in a professional way rather than worrying or getting so upset. mentally you will make yourself even more anxious making the whole experience much worse than it already is. a therapist may be the solution, in the UK we would get this service free although with Covid lockdowns there will be a delay in most countries. Try to research as much as you possibly can yourself on Google or another search engine, gain knowledge in something is a great remedy for a lot of ailments. I'm sorry I can't help you more.
That is so hard! My condolences. I never knew how easily your entire life is upside down in a blink of an eye. I do have an amazing therapist, case worker, group therapy and doctors by my side. If it wasn’t for this team I have, I wouldn’t be here still. I hope you get your support soon. Just accepting how much your life has changed after something like this, is probably the hardest part. Im sure it’ll take me a while to accept. But thanks for reaching out and sharing this. This helps me not feel so alone. 🤍
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If I knew then what I am right now
This is hard to admit I almost didn’t post but figured maybe someone else feels similar 
perseveration ?
Why am I so bad, and then almost fine, and then...?
What am I going to do?
