What am I going to do?

[Megglerock]

Hello dear reader. It is currently 12:17 in the morning and I am lying on my couch thinking to myself “what am I going to do?” I’ve asked myself this question time and time again throughout my struggles with trying to learn how to transition from being a teenager to an adult. The answers are always the same, you tackle it head on, you read, inform yourself, become self aware. Put things into practice to ensure feelings don’t arise that could sabotage relationship or life. Ten plus years I’ve been doing my best to follow these words of wisdom ranging from my two social work parents to my borderline mother. Advice has been everywhere, some good and some bad, but never had anyone told me how to cope with these feelings of isolation, loneliness, depression, fear, abandonment, and that same old feeling of being lost and going “what am I going to do?”

All day long people can give me these

“Tools.” Stop ruminating, CBT, don’t obsess, distract, talk to friends. In theory this works, hell it works for many! It’s good information! But what does one do when they live alone, have sporadic friends that are not close, or maybe less experienced enough to give proper advice?

Feelings of being a burden weigh heavy. I am self sufficient, but I’m not functioning in the way I feel I deserve. I’m desperately unhappy. I have nobody that can relate or understand or validate me. I have no system of friends who can understand and commiserate and laugh. I have place holders through the work day. But I go home, then I am alone to sit with thoughts.

I’ve been given the whole “self-care” bs that doesn’t make me feel good or bad. Painting my nails is nice, but now I have a manicure and depression.

This has opened up feelings I can’t even begin to understand. Did I do something wrong in life? Are my decisions from my

Youth to now wrong? Am I a problem? Or am I picking friends and relationships that are the problem? Is it both? I feel so lost and alone and just want some reprieve. I need something consistent, I need something solid. I need love and validation. If not, I don’t know how else I am going to keep going. What do I look forward to? Am I too far gone for help? Will I find motivation to fix these issues that are vast and indescribable?

I know I’m not alone. Family and friends, but my feeling of being a burden is not helpful. I just don’t want to feel ignored or give only to receive little. I need someone or something. How am I going to live my life and rely on myself? I’m lost and I can’t figure out where to go from here. Therapy and medication are what i do, but the crippling sadness remains. Being alone at home...it is all I do. Work is only so long. The nights are longer.

Someone smarter than me said that when you’re at the end of your rope you tie a knot and hold on. I sucked at rope climbing in PE in middle school.

[Hidden]

Your name reminds me of the old kids show fraggle rock that I used to watch when I was very young. Have you given consideration to volunteer work or joining a bowling league? It would get you out and around people.

[Megglerock in reply to Hidden]

I didn’t watch it myself, but know of it! I get it all the time. As for volunteering it is hard because I work retail so my hours are constantly changing. While I’d love to volunteer for habitat for humanity, it is hard when my days off are so random and I have work at weird hours. I’ve thought of it many times, but get stressed out because that’s how I roll. As for bowling or group activities, there isn’t much available. I tried those meet up things you can find online and nobody showed. I didn’t think it would be this complicated meeting people at 32 in a city. Hence why I’ve now tried to seek out alternatives such as support groups. It’s exhausting.

[Hidden in reply to Megglerock]

I understand. It is frustrating I know. I am forty and live in a small town. Without my parents I would be alone. I also think people aren’t as social as they once were. I don’t mind being alone as much. It grew on me.

[Megglerock in reply to Hidden]

Are you okay with being alone? If so, how did you come to this? I feel like I've been alone most if my life, but ive never felt “comfortable” with this.

[Hidden in reply to Megglerock]

Yeah I like being alone. It took me many years to accept that I really like being alone. Society pushes this whole you don’t want to wind up alone bull sh*t. What should be taught is that everyone is different and what works for some doesn’t work for others. If everyone was the same the world would be a boring place. It was so freeing to accept that I like to be alone. I don’t try to force myself into some society norm. I don’t have a need to be accepted by everyone.

[Grimreaper]

Magglerock

It’s seems you have done most of things to overcome this feelings but they not helping you out and you getting lonely.

I assume you might have tried Mindfulness mediation , if not pls do it .

You feeling and mind has become like this due to years of depression and anxiety... give time to meditation and other helpful tools to give results. They are not magic and can’t overturn years of effect in a day or weeks .

Start doing meditation daily for 15 min a day .. it should help

[Megglerock in reply to Grimreaper]

I’ve done meditation. It doesn’t help me, specifically. My mind will not stop racing long enough for me to relax. Perhaps I am doing it wrong? How does one meditate when they’ve got a million things screaming in their mind? How can one calm it down or ignore it or anything?

[Grimreaper in reply to Megglerock]

Megglerock ..

that’s what I am trying to say .. it’s not a quick fix .. at start even if mind clam downs for 5 to 10 second.. take it as good achievement. We have trained our mind to keep running for years , so it will take time for it to learn how to stop it.

Keep practising everyday for 30 min , first out of 30 min maybe total for 1 min mind might slow down or stop .. slowly Time of mind be clam will increase .. practice makes it perfect..

keep doing it

[Florida1959]

I feel alone a lot of the time, I want people yet I want solitude, I go for a walk, and say hi to people, when I have the energy, I write, I read, and spend time with a select few, this site has been great fir me, I laughed last night fir the first time in weeks, just watched a funny programme, it’s tough, but you are an intelligent person, I meditate too, what I do now is take one hour at a time, the day thing still feels a bit much, take care x

[Megglerock]

Thank you so much! How does one meditate when their mind always races? Any tips?