Birthday Depression

[Expo123]

The holidays and my birthday are the two times of year that I dread the most. I know it's because they remind me of how few people I have in my life, and how empty and useless I feel. Today is my birthday and I feel exhausted, drained from all the sadness, and like I just want to sleep for the next year or so. I spoke to my therapist yesterday for the first time in 10 months . He somehow made me feel worse. I stopped my appointments awhile back in April. We had switched to phone appts because of Covid and he was calling me 2-3 hrs after my appts. He's a really good therapist and I know he's very busy so I started feeling guilty for taking up his time and stopped making new appts. I was also angry because he totally forgot my last appt. I hadn't talked to him since but called and left a message when I was feeling really terrible a couple of weeks ago. It took him 10 days to call back. I know he's very busy and I figured he might be on vacation but he wasn't. I never call and he knows if I did it took a lot for me to get to that point so it hurt to know he waited that long to respond to my message. Would any of you feel hurt if that happened to you? I know my emotions are messing me up right now so it's hard for me to see things objectively. He asked me at one point if I was mad at him and I just said no because I didn't want to feel needy. Sorry for the ramble. Just needed to vent a bit.

[Agora1]

Happy Birthday Expo123! I hope you have done something to treat yourself today.

I'm glad you did reach out and vent. The therapists and psychiatrists are so booked up since Covid, try not to be upset if they missed calling you back. I'm sure it wasn't done intentionally. I too don't want to bother my therapist and haven't spoken to her in over a year now. But I did leave an email message for her a couple times telling her that I'm okay and don't want to take up her time just chatting.

But, if there is a time that you need your therapist, by all means call again. You are just as important as any other patient. Come onto the site when needing to talk with someone. It

just may help your emptiness and sadness. We are all feeling the stress of covid in different ways. xx

[Expo123 in reply to Agora1]

Thank you so much Agora1. Everyone on this site is really kind and it helps to know that everyone here understands.

[Agora1 in reply to Expo123]

xx

[Roxylox]

Happy Birthday Expo123. Am here to listen

[Expo123 in reply to Roxylox]

Thank you Roxylox. I'm here for you too.

[Starrlight]

❤️ happy birthday

[Expo123 in reply to Starrlight]

Thank you Starrlight. ❤

[lena16]

Happy birthday!! Now you know there are people out there in the world wishing you the best! I’m one of them❤️❤️

[Expo123 in reply to lena16]

I almost cried when I read your message. Thank you so much lena16. That means a lot to me.

[XoxoFaith]

Happy birthday we here for you

[Expo123 in reply to XoxoFaith]

Thank you. I am so touched by everyone's kindness. ❤

[teen_anxiety]

can I share something that I have learned: I would rather have fewer people that love me than more people that could hate me. The idea with this quote is that the more friends you have the more room for the drama to start and feelings to get hurt, this can mean a higher chance of fake friends. the fewer friends allow more room for trust and last longer and even If you have no one else you have me.

[Drracer]

I feel exactly the same way, every.single.year. It's horrible. My birthday is right after Christmas, so what used to be such a joyous time has slowly turned to sadness and loneliness, on a mental level. Im also an introvert with only my work "friends", and my immediate family (husband and 2 boys). It's definitely worse since my Mom died almost 7 years ago. It starts near the end of September, around the time of her birthday, and lasts until March or so. I literally have days where I wake up crying (new over the past year, sucks), but I'm forced to fake it and get moving anyway. I work in the medical profession and, many days, I ironically have to be the face that has to cheer and encourage others. It sucks the life out of me, I have a big, tender heart. But, anyway, just now, almost 4 months past all of that sadness, I am finally back to a semi-normal state. I'm glad that I found this group. I started monthly therapy this Jan for the first time and my therapist literally told me at our 2nd session in Feb that I needed something deeper/better than what she had to offer, which really upset me. *sigh* But, the more I thought about it and got past our talk, I realized that what she said wasn't very sensitive but I began to appreciate her honesty... maybe she's not sure how to help me, her own personal issue, so I'm moving on. So, you are not alone in feeling upset at your therapist, but I wouldn't take it personally... possibly he has something going on in his personal life or just didn't want to say the wrong thing in that moment. I hope you are doing better now! *big hug*

[Expo123]

I'm so sorry to hear about your mom. I've experienced the same feelings when the anniversary of a loved one's death approaches. It's like the feelings sneak up on you before you even realize what the date on the calendar is. I also spend a lot of time faking smiles and acting ok when I'm not. I'm with you. It's draining and exhausting. It sounds like you have a lot of positive things in your life with a very meaningful job, a husband and kids. Is there anyone at work who you could be honest with when you're having a bad day? Sometimes just being able to release your feelings with a single person can make a huge difference. That comment from your therapist is a strange one. I know this would be difficult to do but could you maybe ask her in another session what she meant by that? You could tell her it was on your mind and that you didn't understand what she meant. I think that would be a very reasonable question to ask and any good therapist would be happy to do that and would look at it as an opportunity to explore your feelings. By the way I think you should be proud of yourself for having the courage to start therapy. Sending a "big hug" back your way. Thanks so much for your message and kind words. Feel free to message me whenever you need some support. ❤