Afraid of making mistakes

A lot of my lifelong struggle with anxiety stems from my fear of making mistakes. When I was growing up, my parents would tell me "just do the best you can," but it was clear that what they meant was "be perfect." I internalized that message, and throughout my life I have been unable to accept my inevitable failings. I worry about what I'm going to do in the future because I'm afraid I'll make a mistake, and I agonize over mistakes after I've made them. This mindset is good in that it makes me set high standards and do things well most of the time. But it is also bad because it makes me feel fear and self-loathing most of the time. I'm old enough now that I also add in the feeling of disappointment that I haven't been able to change this about myself. I will probably end my life feeling like I didn't die correctly.

[Hidden]

I am sorry you are struggling with this. I don't have a fear of mistakes so I don't know if I can offer any sound advice but I will try my best. Normally anxiety comes from a place of paranoid thoughts that are often framed in the wrong way. For example turbulence in an airplane seeming like the plane is out of control and spiraling towards death when in reality it's a harmless thing that happens to most flights. It's the frame of reference that is what causes the panic. Meaning the false thought that you are about to die is what causes the panic. I think if you can start to try and look at mistakes as an inevitable learning experience rather than failures it will help you. We are all bound to make mistakes but that doesn't mean we have failed in the slightest. It simply means we are human and we can learn and better ourselves from those mistakes. Which is actually a good thing.

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Thank you for the wisdom. It helps.

[Queen_royal]

I understand this completely. My dad has been similar I guess you can say. I went to college for him picked a major just to make him happy picked a college that he wanted me to go to just to make him happy and because he has two degrees I felt like I had to be perfect that and he was telling everyone in the family oh she’s in school now she’s doing this I felt like I had to be so much to live up to it. That’s not the best way to go and I’m still struggling to this day because of it.

It may leave you with a mindset that will help with jobs or other things In the future but it still leaves you with that feeling of I have to be perfect I have to be this.

If you can think though of who you want to be yes we love our parents but think of who you want to be it dosent have to be perfect not let your future, career, job be based of what you love what joy it brings you how to makes you fell cause at the end of the day we have to live with the choice we make and it may be some hick ups in the road and that’s ok sometimes we need those and mistakes will be made so we can grow and learn from them.

I don’t know how old you are but either way we still have long lives to live and while I’m saying this to you I’m saying it to myself let’s move them trying to be happy not think to much into it breathe let go and be. You’ll find your way you’ll get there.

[Hidden in reply to Queen_royal]

Thank you so much for this. Unfortunately, I don't have a long life left to live. I'm 72 and looking at maybe 10-15 more years. I just wish I could calm down and enjoy the time I have left as much as possible. I assume you are younger, and I hope you can see me as an example NOT to follow. Do what makes you the most comfortable, don't worry about what other people want or think, forgive yourself, and don't dwell on the past. I'll try to follow my own advice!

[jessicjames]

I am so sorry that you have to go through all of this. Anxiety can be your worst enemy and your midnight friend. It leaves you in a void and blurs your senses to focus and concentrate. It leaves you with massive thoughts and an entangled mind. Your phobia is because of your anxiety. Usually, people with anxiety have the fear of dying and it is okay to have such thoughts because you cannot control what you think but the least you can do is, you can improve your mental health by managing your anxiety. mangoclinic.com/anxiety-man... , This is something which helped me in clearing my vision and step forward in life with balanced mental health.

Hope it helps.

[Bella_lee]

Hi, I'm so sorry, you've had to live with these feelings and the sad truth is that these feelings are really lies that you've believed. Fear has a way of making us believe things about ourselves that are not true. I came across an acronym for fear, that for me really sums it FEAR- False Evidence Appearing Real.

You sound like someone who has so much wisdom from your life experiences to share that will be be valuable to others. You already are by sharing with us your struggles and advice not to dwell on the past and forgive ourselves when we make mistakes.

I do hope you have many more days in the near future full of joyful moments and peace of mind and emotions.

[Hidden in reply to Bella_lee]

Thank you. I'm still working on me, all these years later!