Embarrassed and Afraid

Hello,

It’s been a week since I’ve joined this community and it’s taken me as long to share how I’m really feeling. Most days I’m okay as long as I stay on my meds, and limit exposure to stressors. I’m often conflicted because on the surface I have so much to be greatful for yet I continue to feel this weight on my shoulders. I was diagnosed with depression a few years ago but I also experience quite a bit of anxiety. It’s like they take turns. I m hesitant to talk to my husband or adult children because I know they can’t make this go away, nor do I want them feeling sorry for me , or worse yet they see me as being weak. Over the past few months I’ve been spending most of my time at home trying to avoid people because I’m tired of fake smiling and pretending that I’m okay, because I’m not. I struggle with accepting who I am now compared to who I was before a failed 18year marriage with an ex who I later learned is a narcissist that was unfaithful, emotionally abusive, and a substance abuser. Most days I feel embarrassed, defeated, and/or afraid with no one to talk to because I suck at sustaining friendships. I’m really glad I found this site, thanks for listening.

[kenster1]

hi your welcome please talk to your family as what your going through will just fester in your head and it will become harder in the long run to tell.in no way will they feel sorry for you its your family im sure all they would do is be very supportive to you.youve been through a lot in the past but it sounds like you are more settled now and just struggling a little.depression/anxiety is nothing to be embarrassed about so don't be feeling that way embrace it be open and face it head on in time with the right support you will overcome it.dont be afraid to talk about your situation.

[Agora1]

Hi Maddisun and Welcome to the support forum. First timers are always expected to take their time in sharing until they feel somewhat comfortable. This is a safe site with no judgment but many supportive caring people on site. You are never alone in what you've been through or are going through at the present. Reading other's journeys and how they handled it can give you some ideas in how to go forward. I think you will be well surprised in how you will attain friendships in this group. Wishing you a good Saturday xx

[Hidden in reply to Agora1]

Thank you Agora, it feels good to be in a place where I can be honest about my feelings and still be accepted.

[Agora1 in reply to Hidden]

Always Maddisun xx

[faya]

Maddisun, oops, my long reply is attached to someone else below. I don’t know if you’ll be able to find it. My brain is too mushy now to re-write it as that was a couple hours ago.

[Hidden in reply to faya]

Lol, I know the feeling. Couldn’t find it but thank you anyway for reaching out.