I am married to a very supportive husband but I have no friends. I’m afraid of having friends, afraid that I don’t have anything to offer. Afraid that I will just be boring, afraid I won’t have anything to talk about, afraid that I won’t be liked, afraid of being rejected, afraid of letting someone get too close to me even though I would love to have a close genuine friendship. I don’t like myself. I have a LOT of negative self talk and because of my fears of having friends I have basically lived in isolation for 20 years. It becomes unbearably lonely and it’s hard to have any motivation to accomplish daily tasks anymore because what’s the point. My husband’s life is just the opposite. Which makes mine feel even worse in comparison. I feel hopeless to ever be able to fix this or change it. I don’t know how to get past the negative self talk. And when I talk to someone I have nothing to say after the pleasantries. Does anyone have any suggestions?
Afraid of Friendship: I am married to a... - Anxiety and Depre...
Afraid of Friendship
Have you ever thought about volunteering somewhere? It is a great way to get out. You get to help people, which makes you feel good. You get to have tiny short conversations with people, which takes the pressure off. If you are shy you get the chance to slowly get to know people and open up. It will help build your confidence in to go the next step. You may even find a friend. My advice is to take the pressure off. Go for a baby step.
You may also want to read The Social Skills Guidebook. It might help you overcome some of your barriers.
I do like reading self help books. I will look in to that one. Thank you.
I just got this book after reading your post. Thanks!
I’ve tried volunteering at the hospital but I would be so full of anxiety that I would sweat and become so uncomfortable. And when I made it through the training phase and it was time to go it alone I had no confidence in myself and quit. And then I hated myself for failing. I feel like there really is no good answer for me. I feel stuck.
The hospital may not be the best place for you to start. Maybe you should try reaching out to an animal shelter, offer to walk, pet, wash etc. whatever you feel comfortable with, or a nursing home and offer to read to someone. Volunteer fire departments and offer to help with fund raisers. A soup kitchen where you just serve food to others. A bingo hall where you sell tickets. A local school and help with the concession stand. There are a lot of options. Take some time to explore and find the right one for you.
Thank you so much for all your suggestions and ideas. I like the idea of reaching out to an animal shelter. If I were to get nervous about something to talk about I could make it about the animals. And I do love animals. I think that would be the easiest place to start. Thank you so much for writing to me.
Hi. I’m Andy👋
This a gentle getting to know me.
I’m 53. I’m from the north of England. Lancashire. I’m currently having a cuppa and thinking what a beautiful day it is. Sky so blue and very bright.
There isn’t one kind of friendship. So many. And all are just as important as the other. Exercise friends. Shopping friends. Work friends etc.....
Online friendships for instance are just as real and valuable as say...meeting up physically with a friend for a cuppa.
Indulge me here with a little story.
I began to do Voluntary work many many moons ago. Like you, I had no friends. I had lost them through a bad relationship. Once I got settled into my Volunteering, I began to slowly get to know people. Before I knew it I had Voluntary buddies! Great start. They turned into the best of friends.
I’m so sad that you are afraid as you say all the time surrounding friendships.
It’s scary meeting new people, new possible friends. But if they are good, decent people, they will give you as much time as you need.
Think about your interests. Or finding a new interest. They can lead to long lasting rewarding friendships.
Like me a Voluntary roll somewhere is a great start. Mine was at our local eye hospital. I manned the help desk. Looked after the patients needs. Making a hot drink or majority of time I would sit and hold their hand and just listen. So rewarding.
Starting is always scary. Meeting new people can be scary. You say “What’s the point?” The point is to keep moving forward. It’s not how many times we fall. It’s how many times we pick ourselves up, and keep going.
You could offer so much to new friends. Kindness, compassion and loyalty are all that’s required to be a good friend. I’m sure you have all 3.
After the pleasantries, it’s a conversation. Asking about family, work, how you have come to be at this particular place.
There are lots of self help courses out there also. Look on YouTube. Filled with helpful advice on this very subject.
Please look for the good in starting new friendships. How beneficial they will be to you.
If you ever need an ear just drop me a line.
Take good care of yourself.
Andy🏴
Hi Andy. First of all, thank you so much for writing to me. You are so kind and wrote with much understanding. You gave me lots to think about and made me feel hopeful. The hardest door to get through is my own front door but if I can bring myself to volunteer somewhere I think that would be very good for me. I will definitely look on you tube for self help advice.
Thanks again.
Vicki🇺🇸
Hi Vicki👋
You are so very welcome. I’m delighted that you are hopeful. Today is a good day for us. It’s about caring & understanding another’s plight. And I’m sure that many here do understand.
Hypercat54 has a good tip. Concentrating on the other person you are chatting to can help lots. But don’t forget your importance. People will want to know how you are doing, and what is happening around you.
For instance “I’ve had a lovely day.” “ I did some housework, went grocery shopping and popped into the library to find a good book!” All these things that have been done can lead to a really good conversation.
Practice makes perfect. Small steps Vicki👍🏴
Hi Andy. Yes, I’m so glad I wrote in. I have been up since 3:00 in the morning and thought I was going to have another difficult day but I feel better already just talking to a few people has made me feel better. 😊
👍If ever you want to run anything by me, feel free. If I can help in anyway then I’m here. Baring our time differences of course. I’ll always answer my friend. Or anyone else here I’m sure will listen👂👂
You are so kind! Thank you so much!!
Very good advice from Andy and the others. Another tip is concentrating on making sure the person you are with is enjoying your company. By this I mean stop worrying about how you feel and concentrate on them instead.
Thank you hypercat54. I have gotten lots of good advice. And yours is also good advice. Maybe by asking things about them it will put the focus on them and I wouldn’t feel so self conscious of my own comfort level, which in and of itself would make me less uncomfortable. Thank you.
Don't forget too that good conversation will flow naturally and maybe the other person has things on their mind which is nothing to do with you. Or maybe they find conversation difficult too. You are by far not the only person who has social awkwardness you know!
That is true. I think I just need a starting point that will last longer than a start. Something that continues. I think I’m going to push myself to take the advice of volunteering at an animal shelter. I think that will be the easiest starting point. And that will give me something in common with whoever I meet.
We all have something to offer and we all can find friends. I mean, think about the worst people in the world, even those people have friends, and I'm sure you're much better than those people.
Thank you.
I feel you with the whole negative talk, seems like when I start to over think, the negative talk comes out more and more. Making new friends can be hard and I completely understand the struggle. I would like to offer a bridge to you if you would like to chat.
Hi Shelley4. Thank you so much. It sounds like you understand and that is very kind of you to offer a bridge of friendship. I’m 55 now and I have let the negative self talk run my life. I wish I could go back in time and do things differently. In high school it was easier and I found my wonderful supportive husband in high school. After high school he became my one and only friend and even though I am still happily married I am lonely for a friend. It would just be so nice to have someone to just pick up the phone and comfortably chat with, go out to breakfast or lunch with, go shopping with or find fun ways to spend the day. My husband has lots of friends and he encourages me to do the same but I have lived in isolation so long from social anxiety that I am just afraid to put myself out there.
If you want to try chatting let me know. It’s hard putting yourself out there
Hi Shelley4. How are you? I’m an early riser as my 2 small dogs are used to being fed at 5:00 in the morning. I have a miniature dachshund and a jack russell shorty. I just read your bio. I’m so sorry that you have suffered so much emotional abuse. I don’t know what all that entails in your case but I grew up feeling like my mother never liked me and feeling like I was never good enough. And my older sister always making fun of me. It gave me very low self esteem. Your situation sounds much worse since you went from emotional abuse as a child to emotional abuse in a marriage. So are you in a shelter now? Getting out of that relationship had to have been hard but you were strong enough to do it. No one deserves to be made to feel less than. I wish you the very best in your endeavors to move forward. Do you have any kids? And how old are you, if you don’t mind me asking?
49 years
Two children 28 and 24
3 dachshund Mom/dad/daughter
I work full time as office associate for logistics carrier.
I am school part time for my associates degree
Moved back home 2018 from Louisiana after getting out of an emotional abusive relationship
My mom remarried a man that did not want a daughter. I feel like he made it his mission to emotional and physical abuse me. He never touched me but was very good at throwing things at me. My mom never once tried to protect me.
I am blessed that as children my brothers and I bound over this. Today it’s a little iffy with us as we all went our own directions many moons ago.
I understand the low self esteem I swear I hear my step dads voice in my head at all the wrong moments
I actually transferred with my company back home, moved in with my one brother until I bought a house.
Back in Louisiana I knew I had to get my act together so I started fixing my credit, saving money and cross training at work.
My mom left 4 kids in the middle of the night to run away with the bartender. I was just a baby. My dad remarried a few years later and when I was around 6 her teenage son began to sexually molest me on a regular basis. I was too scared to tell anyone. But he was doing it to my older sister, too, so it finally came out in the open. My dad said “Well, boys will be boys.” Nothing happened to him. My stepmom and her sons just left. My parents went to court to fight for custody of the kids and my dad won. That was fine with me cause I was scared of my mom. She had a month or so visitation every year but all she did was lay on the couch. By the time I was 12 I was smoking cigarettes and pot, and drinking beer all on a regular basis. My dad was an alcoholic and at that time I was the only one that lived with him so it was easy. I would leave the house all weekend and he never batted an eye. Living how I was living got me raped by a 21 year old man while I was still in middle school. But I didn’t tell anyone. When I was starting high school I asked my mom if I could live with her. So I lived 2 years with her and 2 years with friends and got married at 17. That was 38 years ago and I’m still married to the same man. He’s very good to me and very supportive of all of my issues but that doesn’t “fix” me. I allowed my childhood to ruin my adulthood because I had severe social anxiety after high school and severe depression set in after I had to cut myself off from my family around the age of 28 after one of my sisters husband tried to sleep with me while my sister was in the house asleep and everyone took his side of the story. It was like mourning their deaths but I felt like if they don’t think anymore of me than that then I don’t want them in my life. I fell into such a deep depression that I didn’t care if I lived or died. Then my son went through his rebellious teen age years it got so bad that that was the first time I got baker acted. Through the years I got baker acted 2 more times but the last time I found a good doctor that I feel like saved my life. My husband stuck by me through all of this. (Baker acted in the state of Florida is where a doctor, or a police officer, or a spouse can force you to be hospitalized if you have tried to commit suicide or if they think you are a danger to yourself or anyone else.) I wish I would have gone to some kind of schooling when I was younger and found the confidence to get a job but I took the road of least resistance and just isolated myself. That was the biggest mistake of my life because it’s hard to be happy when you feel useless and lonely. And that has been my life for years and I have felt paralyzed to change it. And now I feel like I am just getting old. You’re probably thinking why is she telling me all of this and being so long winded but I got started and it just kept rolling out of my head. It feels cathartic to be able to get it out and to be able to tell someone. But now I feel like I owe you an apology for unloading all of this. But thanks for listening. It feels good to let it out.
I’m sorry your struggling for me I don’t feel volunteering is the only place finding someone you connect with through hobbies such as going to local clubs are good There’s things going off at museums ,churches etc our local church has a Zumba class and my own we do a sewing group there are also a mixed range of people different ages and backgrounds.volunteering is ok but you tend to get engrossed in just that doing the job you volunteered to do in shops and things sometimes you end up working alone if your that trustworthy so it’s not always as beneficial as you may like also it takes some time for friendship to form so you could be volunteering for a year or so I feel with clubs and things you can get involved more and talk more but that may be my opinion slightly different to others and my experiences .so you can see for yourself what suits but I’ve found clubs the most beneficial.also I find getting a new job good for making new friends this could be one day a week why not get paid for it at same time.im like you my partner has loads of friends but for me I find it hard to keep up I prefer not to have any my kids are enough but then they will grow up I still don’t think I’ll mind then.thats when my clean house will come in lol x
Thank you for your reply. The things you said make a lot of sense. You gave me a lot to think about.
When I was younger I thought my kids were all I needed, too, but if you’ve done your job well they grow up and move away to find their own lives. My kids are 28 and 30 now. We still talk, of course, and visit but they moved away years ago and now I am sitting home alone, bored and lonely. I made them my whole life and didn’t make one for myself. Now I’m 55 and have no confidence in myself to make friends. If I can push myself to follow some of your suggestions, that would be great. I feel a little hopeful this morning.
Find this interesting. That you are not good enough to be some stranger's friend but good enough to be the wife of a man you love. Ironic. Hi, nice to meet you. How are you getting on with it? It is a chicken and egg situation. If you just moan about having nothing to offer then that will put people off. They want someone who is bubbly and chatty and smiles a lot. Start by pretending and then eventually its easy. Hope you are doing ok despite feeling down. Have gone to the no charge prayer forum which is at accuratepsychicreadingsonli... and posted for you so that you know someone cares. If you imagine what sort of friend you want and pretend to be that person and offer it to others they will want to be your friend. Ive met a few women who wanted to be friends but only when it was to moan about their problems - thats not friendship. By all means if you want to listen to others problems but if they cant be bohtered with you when all is well dont bother. It can be so gloomy at the moment, so many people ill and struggling plus having to stay in too.
I married my husband in high school 38 years ago. A lot has changed for me since then.
Do you have any sibblings or cousins, relatives that you can talk with..? Do you go to church or work parties? Do you belong to a gym or workout club? Do you take walks or ride bikes? Have you ever tried going to a support group? Have you tried connecting up with a pastor and talking to him? Does your husband have friends or family that you can talk to? Have you thought about helping out somewhere- a homeless shelter, read books to school-age kids, take animals at the pet shelter for walks, serve food at the mission...? Are you a praying person? I always look to prayer when a storm comes into my life. It helps me a lot to find a new perspective on the subject at heart.
I’m cut off from my family except for one sister who I talk to frequently. You offer lots of good suggestions. The hardest door for me to get through is my own. But I am going to think very seriously about putting myself out there and using some of your suggestions. Thank you for replying to me.
Hello,
I would love to be your friend! - I hope you don't mind, I am just going to ask you some thought provoking questions for you to think about and discuss with your husband. 1). How did you and your husband meet? What drew your relationship towards him to you? When you think about how you two got together, do you think you can make a list of those qualities and apply them to muster up the courage to take that first step of developing a friendship with another person? 2). Do you and your husband have any shared friends as a couple? How do you get along with your husband's family? Do you think that you can invite one of your in-laws over for dinner with you and your husband (Not your husband - you)?... It is okay that you are not a talker. I used to be super shy growing up and even into my 20's. I am also married. I have a husband who is a goofball and loves to play practical jokes on people and enjoys telling stories ( people love to sit and listen to him tell them.) I think he missed his calling - he should have become a comedian. 
I used to just sit quietly and just listen. I did not think I had anything to offer either. Then one of our friends of the family kept at me and encouraging me; "everyone has something to offer." No matter what you think! Everyone has a story! Then she told me, being shy and quiet can be considered selfish. I thought; "WHAT?!" Selfish, no one wants to ever listen to me, because I am just boring! Then one day, out of the blue it hit me. How can anyone become my friend when I am not willing to share any part of my life. I totally turned bright red one night when my husband and I were at church an I HAD to ask someone an important question. All that came out of my mouth was a little squeak like a mouse. (How embarrassing! ) Then to top it off my husband was right there and saw the whole thing. That's right, I became his next story! He still tells it today. - He told me to speak up, I thought I did speak up and the person still did not hear me. My husband said speak up louder. I felt like I was screaming. This time the person heard me. He asked me what could he do for me? I asked my question and he returned with a question. It was such an embarrassing conversation for me because I was not used to having an adult conversation. Then on top of it, I did not like looking face to face as we talked. Afterward, my husband said that was not so bad, was it? I felt very embarrassed. My husband said we are going to get together with our friends this weekend and we planned our time out. Fortunately, the wife of our friends is a very talkative person, so I did not feel like I had to talk. Then she might have asked a question or two that I would answer. The more my husband and I and our family went out to do things together, the more practice I got to talk and did not even realize it at the time. The more activities we got involved in, I had to talk. I am not as shy today, I can be quiet still, but I am able to speak out and tell people my thoughts and have my own friends as well as friends that both my husband and I share together. My husband and I also got out with our kids and used to volunteer our time serving meals at the mission or we go involved with children's ministry programs at church. Have your husband and you get out and do social activities together with family and friends.
Hi JkBrauer. Thank you. And thank you for sharing your experiences. My husband and I met in high school and married two weeks after graduation. We were both only 17. He was also funny and made me laugh all the time. We just hit it off from the get go and we still have a good marriage. It was easy to have friends in high school. But that was 38 years ago. When we moved away from our hometown and life got serious I had my first panic attack on my way to my first day of work at a new job and it really scared me. I began to doubt myself. I began to wonder if I was good enough and it just stuck with me. I managed to get through the next three years but after we moved again I began a job that didn’t require me to be around people so it was easy, no panic attacks. Then we had kids and I became a stay at home mom and I never went back to work. I just lost all confidence in myself. I regret not going back to work when my kids got older because my lack of confidence just took over my life. My kids are now 28 and 30, and I haven’t had a job in 30 years. Depression and anxiety began to completely take over my life. I isolated myself years ago which was the easiest thing to do but was also the worst thing to do. Now it’s been 30 years and because all I do is sit at home I feel like I have nothing to talk about and I am so self conscious of that when I am around people. I feel like I have nothing to offer in the way of interesting conversation and I have terrible social anxiety. We aren’t close to either one of our families except my one sister who lives 5 hours away. We could definitely have shared friends but I avoid it because I don’t feel good enough. And I have a lot of negative self talk that is very loud in my head. I have aquaintances because I’m good at the pleasantries but that’s as far as it goes. And if it gets quiet my anxiety instantly begins to rise. I tried volunteering at the hospital but I felt very overwhelmed and quit. I’ve tried to be friends with my neighbor but when she doesn’t accept my offers to go out to breakfast (before COVID-19) or something I take it personal and it reinforces my negative thoughts about myself. I think it’s just something I’m going to have to continue live with. It just seems like there are no answers for me. I guess I have to work on liking myself first.
Hello MamaMia3,
Wow! what a great step you have taken. You just told me a little bit about your history. I found it very interesting! It sounds like you and I are around the same age and have children about the same age as well. It is hard to overcome anxiety as you are well aware of. But if you would like, maybe we can communicate back and forth this way for a bit and maybe I can help you and you can help me too! I am always willing to learn new things. - How open are you to learning things out of the Bible? I use verses out of there to help me get through storms of life. I find it very helpful, I glean a lot of wisdom from it. - What do you say- friends?!
That sounds great! I love learning things from the Bible.
Wonderful! I am usually on the computer a few times throughout the day. The weekends I try to keep open (sometimes I get on and sometimes I don't get on until Monday morning) My husband and I do some traveling. The weekend I usually let my husband make the decisions of what he would like to do. He is an electrician so he does a lot of traveling to different jobs and comes home pretty tired by the end of the week. - I will tell you a little bit about who I am; I was born with epilepsy, I grew up on a horse ranch. My dad was a short distant truck driver and farmed the ranch and took a huge part in finding high-quality studs to breed our mares. My mom was a milker at the nearby dairy farm and was the horse trainer for the colts that we raised and ones that they bought. I never got to see my dad much growing up and my mom was always too busy with her horses. I am the oldest I have two sisters. I met my husband on the doorstep of my workplace. Scared me half- to- death (lol)! We have been married for almost 31 years. We have three grown children and one granddaughter.
Thanks for sharing a little bit about your life. Growing up on a horse ranch sounds like a lot of fun. Your parents sound like they were very hard working but I’m sure you would have loved to been able to spend more time with them. That’s really what every kid wants. I wasn’t close to either one of my parents. My dad was an alcoholic all my life and I was never close with my mom. I only lived maybe about 2 years with her out of 17 when I got married. I was the 4th child to come along and I don’t think she wanted a 4th. She left when I was an infant. She had relationships with my other 3 sisters but I never felt like she liked me. I lived with my dad from birth to the end of middle school and raised myself. I didn’t always do a very good job. I made a lot of bad decisions growing up. And through my high school years I lived 2 years with my mom and 2 years with friends. My husband and I met in high school and got married 2 weeks after graduation. I always felt like he saved me from an unhappy life. We’ve been married 38 years. He works with heavy equipment in site development. He’s a great husband and I feel so fortunate to have married him. He’s been my one constant in life through thick and thin. We have a son and a daughter but no grand children. Unfortunately both my kids are going through divorces.
Good Morning,
I hope you had a good night sleep last night. One of my morning routines is that after I get up and see my husband off to work, I do a daily devotion. I have a monthly devotional booklet by Charles Swindoll. I can share it with you in the morning when I do it or you can order it yourself and have your own copy to do in the morning or during the day- whatever works for you. You can go to - In Touch ministries Subscribe - In Touch Ministries -
intouch.org/read/magazine/s...
This is what I use everry morning. Then I take a highlighter and highlight the points that really stand to me.
Good morning! I hope you had a good night as well. I have a hard time sleeping through the whole night but I’m used to it. I get up around 2 or 3 and after about a half hour I will fall back asleep in the recliner. And then get up at 5. It’s just pretty much my routine.
I’ve had a busy morning this morning with a Periodontist appointment and then grocery shopping.
I also read a thought from the Bible every morning from a book called Examining the Scriptures Daily. I don’t know how you feel about Jehovah’s Witnesses but I thought I should tell you that I am one of Jehovah’s Witnesses. We still seem to have a lot in common in that we are both interested in the Bible. But I know that we are not always received very well. I am very curious how you feel about the Witnesses. Would you still like to be friends or would you rather not? If you still want to that would be nice but if you don’t then I will understand.
Oh no, I still would like very much, to be friends! I have a couple of friends who are Mormons as well- one of who is a close friend. We have conversations sometimes of our thoughts and ways of our different beliefs. My husband had a cousin, her and her husband were Jehovah Witness. She has since passed away and I do not know if her husband still keeps his belief or not (is that the right wording ?) And he also has another cousin who believes in Darwinism. (I'm not sure if that is how it is spelled.) I am a Christian. My husband and I have had many discussions in the past with his JW cousin- she was not a very friendly person, so it took some time for her to warm up to us. Then several years back she found out she had stomach cancer and her whole deminer change and she started welcoming conversation with the family. She lived about 5 more years after the initial finding of her cancer. My husband's aunt and uncle raised him up as one of their children and 3 of the 4 cousins were jealous of him when they grew up. She was one of those 3.
I’m so glad to hear that we will still be friends. Right after we got married at 17 we began studying the Bible with Jehovah’s Witnesses and we loved everything we were learning. And so at 19 we got baptized. It’s a shame that your husband’s cousins grew up to be jealous of him. Jealousy is not a good quality. And love should take precedence. Love covers a multitude of sins.
Haha, you must have read my mind. That was going to be my next question to you, was " how did you get to become a Jehovah's Witness? - You already answered that, lol! My parents were not much of any religious background. However, my dad worked night shifts and he always liked to sleep in on Sunday mornings. When I was in elementary school he learned that there was a school bus that came down our road and picked up kids for Sunday School and church. So, he told my mom to drop me off at the end of the road and the bus picked me up and took me up to the church. The people up their became like my family and showed genuine love and kindness to me and taught me things that I would have never learned at home. One day when I was nine years old the pastor we had he looked liked the kind-hearted pudgy white-haired grandpa kind of man who loved all children. He gave an invitation to become a Christian to all who were sitting there listening to his sermon and it made me cry and I very much desired to have a loving Father who always would look out for me. I went home that afternoon and asked Him to come into my life and be my heavenly Father. - This next weekend after Father's Day, my husband and I are going back to his home and one of his cousins have set up a time that we are going out to the farm site and going to watch the nearby neighbor take up his uncle's and his other cousin's ashes in his plane and they are going to be spread across the farmland.
You must have been a very mature child. The Bible says, happy are those conscious of their spiritual needs. And you recognized that at a very young age. Have you ever wondered or thought about whether or not God has a name? We all have names that identifies us one from another and god is a title like man or woman, king or president. There are many gods but only one god is the Most High over all the earth. Psalms 83:18 says, “That men may know that thou, whose name alone is JEHOVAH, art the most high over all the earth”. That’s taken from the King James Version of the Bible. The Bible will of course capitalize the G in God or the L in Lord to differentiate the Most High but I found it very interesting when I learned that God actually has a name.
Absolutely! I believe that there are many Names/Titles for God, with each one there is a different meaning. I believe wholeheartedly though that God is three persons in one. - A few references that I like to use; Johnn 8: 58, Revelations 1: 7-9 Romans 10:9.
Well, I better let you go, I call my mom every morning to check in on her. She has dementia so, I call every morning and we talk about whatever she wants to talk about.
That’s so sweet that you call your mom every morning. I hope she was doing well this morning. I get dementia and Alzheimer’s confused so I don’t really know the difference but it must be very hard to see your mom with this condition. I feel very sorry for the elderly ones that don’t have kids that are there for them. Old age is a sad thing to me. We all have the desire to be young and healthy and live forever so I just don’t think old age, sickness, and death is the way it’s suppose to be. Even though those are things we experience I don’t think that’s what God intended when he created us.
So how are you doing with all this Covid-19? The “new normal” is hard to get used to. And I think because people are getting more relaxed about following the CDC guidelines I think it’s going to get worse before it gets better. I miss being able to go out to breakfast or lunch with my husband. I always enjoyed that. Now I’m afraid to go out any more than necessary.
So do you have any pets or anything? I have a miniature dachshund and a jack russell shorty. I had a sweet sweet Pit Bull but we had to put her down a few months ago because she got to where she could no longer stand up. She was in a lot of pain.
Well, that’s about all I’ve got for now so I’ll talk to you later.
Good afternoon,
Dementia is just plain forgetfulness, Alztiemers's is where they start forgetting, and then as time goes on they forget family and who they are and where they are, ( simple version). Yes, COVID19 is very interesting. It has not affected my husband or me very much. My husband is an essential worker, so he had to go to work every day. The only thing that was probably the worst for us was the business shut down. And even then We had just done our big shopping spree the week before the public announcement it. So we already had our tp and cleaning supplies for a while. We also live in a low rated area and we are a little ahead of other places. Our businesses are open and restaurants are open to dine-in service.
Yes, we have pets, 2 cats and a dog. One cat - one of our daughters said "mom, dad, I can't have a pet where I am moving to..." Haha! We have a BorderCollie/Australian Shepherd. Love him to death, but he is very jealous and protective, haha, and always has to be underfoot. Iam sorry to hear that you had to put your Pitbull down, that is sad. It is hard to do that. We keep wondering about our momma kitty, she is about 15 years old and some days she moans and groans and then out of nowhere she will jump up and start playing like a kitten! Go figure, haha!
Good morning,
How areyou feeling this morning? It is a beautiful day here this morning. It is wonderful to see the sun shining after a few days of rain. I hope it is like this tomorrow for our Father's day bbq. I hope that you do not mind me asking, I know that the JW's do not do holidays or birthday (correct?) How do you go about celebrating different occasions such as a birthday or holiday/ special day ie; Fathers day? -I hope that I am not being too forward. Forgive me if I am. Well, I might need a boat to get around outside after all the rain we had gotten, (just teasing, haha!) I hope that you have a great weekend. Talk to you soon!
I am doing well this morning. It is also a beautiful sunny morning where I live (Southwest Florida). Our rains usually come in the afternoons.
You can ask me anything, I don’t mind at all. We don’t celebrate any of the holidays, birthdays, Mother’s Day, or Father’s Day. If you ever want to pick out a specific occasion and ask me why we don’t celebrate it then I would be happy to answer it for you. We celebrate the memorial of Christ Jesus every year, and we celebrate wedding anniversaries. We also have wedding showers and baby showers.
Hello MommaMia,
It has been a couple of days, how have you been doing? It is very hot here today. Too hot too fast! I live up in North Central Montana (near the Canadain border). Have you ever heard of Glacier National Park? It's one of my favorite places to go. When I was in my early 20's I took a 1,000 mile bicycle trip from Missoula, Montana to Jasper, Alberta, Canada. It is such beautiful country!
I have always wanted to go to see Florida. My husband had an old school mate who became an underwater welder and worked down there on the Florida coast somewhere. He has since retired and has moved back to Montana. Do you have any hobbies that you like to do? I used to love biking, any outdoor sports, I enjoy walking and hiking. My husband and I like to travel, we are spontaneous people. We will pack up on an instance notice and take off somewhere or go visit our kids... We have an all-time passion here that we like to do, it is to huckleberry. Mmm! We love huckleberries! Well, I better go get some dinner going. I hope that you are doing well. Talk to you soon!
Hello JkBrauer,
I have been both depressed and busy for a few days so I haven’t been on my computer. I have been wanting to get a third dog for quite some time now and so I found one that I wanted and speaking of spontaneous, I spontaneously got in my car and drove from Southwest Florida to Northwest Georgia to get her from the humane society up there. I know that was a crazy thing to do to go that far to get a dog when there are lots of dogs a lot closer to home that need homes, too. I’m on pet adoption sites and when I read her bio she just sounded like a perfect fit. And I decided to go on the adventure of going to get her. My husband of course knows how far I went but I haven’t told anyone else, friends or family, because they will think that it was stupid and ridiculous. So you and my husband are the only ones that know. She has turned out to be worth the trip.
I can only imagine how beautiful it must be where you live. I have heard of Glacier National Park and would love to see it one day. I’m on Pinterest and have collected pictures of it as well as all the National Parks across the United States. I would love to visit them all. But my husband owns his own site preparation business and we have always had dogs so it’s hard to go too far or to be too spontaneous. When the kids were young we had a fifth wheel travel trailer and would spend lots of time camping at the Walt Disney World campground. Sometimes my husband would get us all set up there and the kids and I would stay there a couple of weeks at a time. We did go to Niagara Falls on the Canada side once, though. And we’ve been to the Smokey Mountains and Vermont, oh, and New York. They are beautiful places but we’ve never been out west or to the central United States. I would love to be able to visit every state, but we should have started that adventure a long time ago.
Speaking of hot weather, the high here is going to be 96 degrees today with the feels like temperature over 100 degrees. Thank goodness for air conditioning. I feel sorry for those that have to work outside.
I don’t really have any hobbies. I guess you could say my dogs are my hobby. They demand a lot of attention. I always say that I need a hobby but I’m not very creative and I just don’t know what kind of hobby to have. I do like walking when the weather is cooler in the winter months but sometimes we’ll take the dogs on walks very early in the morning before it gets too hot.
I’ve never had huckleberries but I do love berries so if I ever had the chance to try them I’m sure I would love them, too. We have a lot of strawberries down here. There used to be u-pick farms around and that was always fun but I don’t really think there are too many u-pick farms around anymore. Maybe in Plant City but that’s a couple hours north of us.
Well, I guess I better get going. I hope you are doing well and I’ll talk to you later.
Hi MamaMia👋
I hear you loud and clear! I wanted to recommend a book to you called " The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You're Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are" by Brené Brown.
I have just started reading this and love it! She talks a lot of sense! I'm excited about 2 of her chapters in particular -- one talks about how to let go of what others think and the other one talks about how to let comparing yourself to others go. In fact, I might just read these 2 chapters first.
Judging by what I hear your issues to be, you might be interested to know that, in addition to these 2 chapters I mention here, she also has a chapter on letting go of being powerless and letting go of self-doubt.
One more thought (and one I'm actually dealing with as well): maybe we aren't the only ones feeling anxious? What I mean is that maybe the person we are conversing with has the same insecurities. Maybe they are also thinking "does she like what I'm saying? Am I boring her? Am I talking too much? Am I not talking enough? Does she like me as a person or does she really just want to leave?".
What do you think?
Hi JennySailor! Thanks so much for reaching out to me. That book sounds very interesting and right up my alley. I will definitely get it. Just from what you’ve told me about it I can’t wait to start reading it. I love it when I find a really good self help book. And that’s true, I’m sure there are times when you are talking to someone they too are hiding insecurities.
I am also like this. It’s an awful feeling
It is an awful feeling. I’m so sorry you experience the same thing. I know it comes from not feeling good enough. My husband tries to reassure me that I do fine, wonderful even, but when I have conversations with people I play them over and over in my head to see if I think everything I said was ok. I hate that because I can’t turn it off. It plays like a broken record until enough time has gone by that I get involved in something else or I take a nap. It’s not as bad as it use to be though. So there’s hope that it will get better and I gain confidence. I always admire people that can Just be themselves and just say what’s on their mind in a conversation but I’ve never been able to do that. If I disagree with something someone might be saying I just don’t say anything. I usually just nod in agreement and say in a low voice, “yea”. And I think, “If I admire them for it, then why can’t I do it?” I think that I feel like if I don’t agree with them they will think I’m not nice and they won’t like me. But I also think people really want to know what you think so I don’t know why I can’t get comfortable enough in a conversation to just be myself. Like I said, I think it all goes back to just not feeling good enough and having confidence in myself. I’m better at writing things I want to say because I have time to really think about what I want to say.
I am the same , I don’t like confrontation so I will just agree with what anyone is saying. I experience the same thing you do and my thoughts become obsessive until I find something else to worry about. It’s like a broken record in my head I can’t turn off.
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