I'm new and I don't know what's wrong with me

[SwiftRelish]

I am currently a student at an art college and nearly every day without fail I feel like giving up, dropping out, abandoning the friends I have here: everything. I know this is literally the best time of my life but for some reason, it has also been the most stress-inducing, anxiety filled and most sad I've ever been all at once. I nearly break down every day over the simplest of assignments, it's hard for me to work because I keep telling myself it will be bad and if I do get something started, it's hard for me to finish. The occasional time that I like the project I have created, once I bring it to class most people are far better and I beat myself back down to square one. I'm getting tired of having to tell my friends the same story about me feeling like shit. I don't want to annoy them anymore but what am I supposed to do? Contain it? I'm at a loss.

[Scott1951]

I don't think it is ever good to "contain" your feelings. Are there people other than your friends you think you are overwhelming who you can talk to? Is there a counseling center on campus? Are there support groups for depression and/or anxiety that you could attend? Have you talked to your doctor about medication? It sounds like you are enjoying your studies in spite of some feelings of inferiority. Depression can cause those feeling in us. I hope you can get some help so you can stay in school. Hang in there. Best of luck.

[SwiftRelish in reply to Scott1951]

I believe there is counseling on campus but it might cost more money... In general, I don't want to spend more money than I already am in college. Trust me, I am trying to stay focused on school and make sure I keep at it even when everything in my head tells me to give up and everything I make sucks.

[Scott1951 in reply to SwiftRelish]

I totally understand the money issue. And I have no doubt that you are doing everything you can to stay in school. I hope things get better for you. Try not to be so judgmental about your work, after all you are still a student. You may develop at a different pace from other students in your class. Give it some time. Best wishes.

[Susan512 in reply to SwiftRelish]

Try looking for free help, you might qualify for free service, start with medical assistance if that doesn't work ask them where you can go there's a lot of resources out there, I hope you get the help you need. 💜

[Dichotomous]

I am a student too and had this terrible period of 7 months in the final year of my PhD. But by gods grace I broke through it and have been able to resume work for a month now. Don't give up..You can defeat it.Take some time off life if you need it, but trust me you can beat this feeling. Best wishes

[SwiftRelish in reply to Dichotomous]

Thanks, it means a lot to hear you say that you made it through in college. I'm currently a freshman so this added stress is still pretty new.

[-scott-]

Trying seeing if there is a counselor on campus for students. This is very common at various US colleges and universities. They can take an objective approach to letting you share your feelings. Its always hard to "dump" on friends. They want to be supportive and you want to feel like you can turn to them, but often the negativity becomes a turn off and it's hard for them to keep hearing things over and over. The counselor will put things into perspective and help you build on successes carefully over time.

Wanting to give up, or drop out is not abnormal. If that becomes the best option for your mental health then you may have to cross that bridge.

I suggest you work on trying to find some support and then string a few good days together, before you know it, things might just become easier.

[gab12]

Came across your post and something hit home. I completely completely completely understand where you are coming from, I too was in an extremely similar situation. My word of advice to you is to stop, take a deep breath and reflect. Taking it one day at a time is one of the most valuable lessons I have learned as a grad student thus far. You CANNOT jump over yourself, you cannot and should not exceed your own limits because that is where you begin to break down, as I have. Do not compare yourself to others in anyway shape or form. That is treacherous territory. No matter how wonderful someones grades or projects may be, that is NOT a reflection of who they are and most certainly not a reflection of who you are as a person. You need to and you WILL find your routine, the one that works for you and makes life flow a bit easier. It may take some time, but do not get lost in the process. Trust the process instead and know that what you are doing is right and you WILL get through this and any other hardships you may have. Truthfully, your own thoughts are powerful, positive thoughts create positive energy. Instead know that you have made it this far in your journey as student etc., and you will continue. Things will get better.

[SwiftRelish in reply to gab12]

Thank you so much for this, I really appreciate the advice and I will try to follow it best I can, but I know myself and that will prove to be a challenge. I'll start thinking more positively and compare less.