I discovered my husband was messaging other women for sexual role play and sending them money. He never has physically cheated on me and I believe him. He is kind and caring and loving and meets my needs in every way. We rarely argue. We have amazing times together. But I discovered this was going on for the entire time of our relationship and marriage. I’m devastated. He tried to make an effort and has tried to do things to show me he loves only me, but after 6 days he got really upset I wanted to ask a question about what all went on with one particular app. He did not tell me the full truth again which I discovered when he showed me. However we got into a huge argument about how I violated his trust for not moving on and letting it drop when I said I was feeling better. He says I’m holding things over his head. This devastated me. I truly love this man. I’m terrified to continue any kind of discussion. I have always shared my feelings with him. I know I need to listen more to him but it’s so hard when I have such a pain in my heart. I feel like I’m not enough for him and never have been even though he says otherwise. I feel stupid and gullible. I know he is truly sorry, but he jeopardized our relationship and marriage by seeking others. And I’m having a hard time dealing with that.
But does it really matter? As long as he’s faithful does it matter what he hides online? We have such a good and happy life if I set this aside I know it will return. But I also suspect he will turn back to other women eventually again. But should that matter if he likes talking dirty to another, just not doing anything.
It hurts, but maybe I’m too restrictive or maybe I’m expecting too much.
thats your marriage too communicatin and trust are the most important thing in any kind of relationship and if you dont have those then its not a relatinship but just existing with another and youo coud do that with a stranger, talk to him write a letter if you want to make it work make it work sex and the city carrie bradshaw and bbig have 2 seprate homes almost its what works for their marriage what works for yours (BUT it has to work for you too)
I want to make it work. I won’t give up on it. My self-esteem and confidence have suffered huge blows. I don’t look like these women or dress like these women. But we had a really great and active sex life. I just didn’t know I wasn’t meeting a huge need for him. We had a big argument, then he shut me completely out for the night. We talked a bit before he left for work. I have slept 2 hours maybe in the last 24 hours. He doesn’t trust that I’ll let it go. But it’s only been 6 days since everything I thought I knew turned upside down.
So do I just let it drop and go back to attempting to be happy? I always thought the person I would be with would come to me to fulfill their needs. It is hard to know that I’ll probably never be able to do that for him.
i feel that, feeling like your not enough even after what you think is doing everything for that person and at the end of the day they rather talk to someone else, or you can never say the right thing, and comparing yourself to others i think is the hardest thng to STOP doing, keep your head up you are a catch !! we all want to hear that we are loved and enough and feel it too once you stop hearing it you stop feeling it the adult thing to do is talk to him and get to the bottom of whats going on a broken house doesnt just get fixed out of no where it takes hard work and dedication but all who fix that house have to be equally dedicated and willing to put in the hard work
Communication is key to any relationship if he doesn’t want to talk it out that says a lot. And ask yourself how would he feel or react if it was you doing that kind of stuff online. I know I did a lot of forgetting things and looking the other way with my wife so I understand your willingness to do so. Anything to save the relationship. But I can tell you ever time you lose a little more of yourself
This is true and something I wish I understood much sooner. My ex refused to talk to me about our problems to the point of ignoring my feelings entirely. It got really bad really fast form there. I wish I would have had the sense to see that if a person is not willing to work with you and communicate with you it doesn't matter how madly in love you are it will never work out because you are in two separate places. I understand wanting to make it work too. But as you say, you only end up losing yourself in the process. I am sorry you had to learn this the hard way just like I did.
At least we survived and learned. I hope you found the person you used to be and bettered yourself It didn’t take long to find the man I was and everyday is a chance to be a better man all part of the healing process I guess
I am a man haha. But I am still struggle to find out who I am. I am doing my best to be better than I was though. That relationship destroyed me in ways I can't even say. So I am picking up the pieces slowly but surely. It's a struggle every day but I want to be a better person and I want to be happy so I will keep pushing forward.
To me that is a form of cheating. Don't let him act like it is not a big deal. Even for some reason he doesn't think it is, he is still making you upset and that isn't right either. As others have said, you need to have communication in your relationship.
I'm a guy and I would be lying if I said I never thought about other women when I was married but I would never act on it. I would feel guilty talking dirty to someone else.
Would either of you be up to counseling? Maybe find out why this happened and what the two of you could do to have a healthy relationship between the two of you. No matter what, you are important in this relationship too. Your feelings matter. In the end it doesn't matter how we (on the forum) think about it, it is how you feel about it. It doesn't sound like you aren't too happy about it and really don't want to just ignore it. Plus he is sending them money? That is your money too...
I'm sorry you find yourself in this situation. Finding out that things in our relationship are not as we thought is definitely painful. And if it has only been six days there is no reason to expect that you would have processed all of the emotions and be ready to make a decision about what to do from here. Would the two of you consider seeing a counselor to sort this out?
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