How do you prepare for a difficult si... - Anxiety and Depre...

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How do you prepare for a difficult situation?


I’ve been slowly getting stronger and battling my depression and anxiety as best I can, I can’t say that I’m on the right meds yet, but I have to get out of the limbo I’m in and get some direction even if it’s not what I’m hoping the outcome will be. My wife & I have been separated for 4 months & part of it was because I was so depressed and not getting better and being in the house with my wife just made me sink deeper into my hole. Since we’ve been apart, I’ve been getting better, but my weak link is always whenever I have to talk to my wife. Just seeing her pop up on my phone instantly sends my anxiety through the roof and I don’t know why. I can’t hardly talk to her without breaking down, but my depression is tied together with my marriage to the point I can’t fully get better until we figure out if we are going to try and get back together. I let my mind tell me that it’s been over and that she just didn’t want to tell me when I was so depressed in fear of pushing me over the edge. I’m hoping to get some insights or words of wisdom before I meet it head on.

10 Replies

Hi. 2getbeter.

When I had a melt down around 4 years ago. There were things that would trigger me. I couldn’t go places that would remind me of things that happened around that time , people I couldn’t see etc. Over time it has got better as I have gotten a little stronger and I can now go to those places. I left a lot of people behind too as I couldn’t cope seeing them for fear of being judged. In my opinion we are all very individual in our mental health illnesses and in how they affect us. I’m afraid I dont have any great words of wisdom, I do hope someone comes along who may have for you, as I know this must be painful and most difficult to cope with.

What I would say is I have found time and gaining strength have helped me mostly. Also learning to manage things better as I’ve found knowledge about my struggles and what caused them.

Not sure if you have been able to access any counselling to help you at all. ‘Talking therapies’ on th nhs operate in most areas and I self referred for this. There are waiting lists and they vary area wise, worth waiting in my opinion...or mind , I believe have some counselling services in some areas..

Sorry if I’ve not been much help.

I certainly hope things improve for you.

2getbetter in reply to Hidden

Thank you Olivia40,

I do see a therapist almost every week and a weekly support group as well (Group Hope). I wasn’t sure what you meant by ‘talking therapies’ on th nhs? Please elaborate

Good Morning Hi.2etbeter, Interpersonal breaks and conflicts are among the hardest to handle in my experience. Once triggered there is so much painful rumination. Social support and exercise are so important (I know that those are hard to manage with depression--I have had to push out of my comfort zone) and take action to be with caring and fun people. There are local meetups for any kind of thing that one is interested in (e.g., movie meet ups- are you familiar with meetups?--they are groups and safe and fun) and that is a way to get some social contact. Also I am including a link on ACT therapy techniques to follow (onein particular, called difussion , helps break the rumination and thus distances one from the trigger and its impact). ... I am slowly getting the ball rolling and each day feel more able to move forward.

2getbetter in reply to Dal333

Thank you- I will check that out. I am not familiar with meetups, is that a website? I would like more information on that please. I try and exercise several times a week, but got a bad case of influenza and have been knocked on my butt for a week now and been sleeping ridiculously amounts of hours trying to get over it.

Dal333 in reply to 2getbetter

Hi, sorry to hear about your influenza. I hope you are following up with the doctor and not just waiting for it to pass. The way meet up works is that you go to the site and then put in your general location and they show you groups in your area. Many of them are based on hobbies or interests that members have in common. Here is the link: I found that I got so concerned about my inability to get out of my rut that I contacted a yoga teacher whom I respected and asked her to help me get some simple structure in my life so I could move forward in small ways and it has made a big difference . It can be hard to create the momentum without support. Also, are you familiar with the APP called insight timer? It is free and has great short or longer talks that are supportive and can help when one is feeling panicked and very sad. It helps one get out of one's head. You can get that on PlayStore on your phone. I am rooting for you.

2getbetter in reply to Dal333

I hadn’t heard of that one either but will check into both of them and try and break the rut. Thank you

I don't have any major words of wisdom, but I can tell you what I would try if I was in your shoes.

First I would ask her if she would be willing to go to counseling with you. There are marriage and family therapists or even a minister could counsel you two to try to see if the issue of the separation was your depression or something else. I would also ask that any communication stick to texting or facebook messaging or email until your anxiety lessened and then maybe try phone calls and then try meeting up. Just to give you some steps to ease that anxiety when you see her.

However congrats to you for making it this far! I'm glad you are taking care of yourself!

2getbetter in reply to EmLee96

Thank you EmLee96,

I have tried to stick to texting or emails, but sometimes there has to be phone conversations or actually seeing her, which is extremely difficult for me. I wish I knew why I had such anxiety with her, I’m puzzled and I know it also bothers her why I can’t seem to be able to talk to her as well.

EmLee96 in reply to 2getbetter

Have you tried talking to her about the anxiety? It might seem counterintuitive but I think that could help resolve some of it.

2getbetter in reply to EmLee96

We have quite a while ago, she’s concerned that I’m not telling her something or that deep down I don’t want to be with her. I don’t know what’s causing it, but it could just be all the stress related to the marriage and my depression and it brings up too much negative to handle? I want to know, I just haven’t been able to get there yet.😞

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