How do you make friends who understand?

[KimPossible526]

Hi everyone, this is my first post to the group. I am a long-time sufferer of anxiety and depression. They affect my life to the point where if it was left up to me I'd never leave my bed. I struggle every day to motivate myself, to get even the basics done during a day. Even when I do, afterward I find myself exhausted both mentally and physically. It's so difficult to make but especially keep friends when this is my life. I have no real friends because of my conditions. I miss engagements, don't answer or return phone calls, and have no desire on most days to do much of anything.

Thank god I do have my husband of 12 years, although he also suffers from anxiety and depression. He's really the only friend I have and the only person I know who truly understands. But he has the same struggles I do so I can't just unload all my problems onto him or even depend on him to be there every time I need support. To those of you who are like me, what kinds of friends do you have? How do you even begin to ask someone to understand your way of thinking and the daily struggle inside your head? I have one long time friend who has stuck by me for many years and even he doesn't understand and gets his feelings hurt if I don't respond to his calls or messages every time. When I try to explain how I feel to him he doesn't get it. To him it's simple: if I'd just answer the phone we could talk and I'd feel better. He doesn't get that most of the time I have 0 desire to interact with anyone, especially the chit chat about weather and pointless dribble that many seem to find enjoyable. At the same time I do get lonely, mainly when my husband is having a rough go of it and I start to feel alone and wish I had someone to talk to. Tell me about your friends/lack thereof. What helps you when you get lonely?

[Hidden]

Hi! My only friends are on here. I can relate to how you feel. Maybe just maybe if you & hubby are close, you both can share & help one another. I will force myself to do things on bad days as staying busy for me is key. Do you like jigsaw puzzles? I find doing them you can't think of anything else. Any thing really that can occupy your mind so you aren't focusing on the ugly disease. I also think happy thoughts,I reinforce those a lot. Are you able to take your mind to a happy place or time? I sure do wish you peace of mind. Love & Hugs!!!

[hypercat54]

Like anxiety_59 my only friends who understand are on here. I do have a long term casual friend who suffers from the same issues so we do sometimes chat about it.

If you can get yourself out of the house you might find a support group locally so why not google it. x

[Hidden in reply to hypercat54]

I dig google, hahaha, I'm known as the Google Queen! Love & Hugs your fungus!!!!!!!!

[hypercat54 in reply to Hidden]

Knickers!!! You fungus lover you xx

[Hidden in reply to hypercat54]

Yepper doodles, hahaha!!! XXX

[hypercat54 in reply to Hidden]

Yepper doodles? Omg you are as bad as fauxartist if not worse. xx

[Hidden in reply to hypercat54]

Well now I'll take that as a positive! How I love the 2 of you!!! Dump trucks of hugs just for you! Your Fungus!!! XXX

[fauxartist in reply to hypercat54]

haaaa!!!!

[Hidden in reply to fauxartist]

Haahhaahahaaaahaa!!!!

[fauxartist in reply to hypercat54]

I like chantrelles....

[Hidden in reply to fauxartist]

I'll eat any kind, love em!!!!!! XXX

[fauxartist]

hi Kim....as you can see the two 'nutter's above, are an example of the really good people here, they are two of my very good friends here, good hearts the two of them....I'm glad your sharing about this and hope you get a chance to read some of the other posts and comments...it's an extended family....even though we are anonymous, the heart and soul of this place is rock solid. Many of us are alone with our disease as we just have a hard time in the real world, so we have made friends here, it's very healing to know your not alone and can openly and honestly talk about your stuff.... we do understand here...

[Hidden in reply to fauxartist]

Nutters? Hahahahahaha!!!!!! Listen to faux...they always nail it! Love & Hugs!!!

[fauxartist in reply to Hidden]

yeah...well I can say that because I'm the biggest nutter of all...haaaa!

[Hidden in reply to fauxartist]

I think it's me! Hahahaha!!! XXX

[Hidden]

I just keep busy with my hobbies. Posting on here helps.

[Hidden]

Friends? That’s a hard one, I’ve lost most of my friends due to my illness...most don’t get it or they get fed up with it so they dwindle away. The invites stop. If you can get into a support group - yes I know they are scary at first; but you’re all there for the same reason. If it’s a good group, you can connect with a few and a few is better than none.

[rtscd8]

First of all, I love your username! And second, I was reading through the replies on here so far, and it just seems like this is such a wonderful place for support! (I'm new to the site). I struggle with anxiety too, so I can completely relate. I'm blessed to have a friend who is a therapist (she's not MY therapist, haha, although I guess unofficially she probably talks to me similar to how she talks to her clients!) and actually, my closest friend struggles with anxiety too. Since there are a couple of us in my friend group who struggle, we've been able to be more open about it and be honest with the people around us when we're having a low day. It took a really long time to get to this point, but I can tell my friends "Thank you for the invite, but I'm not in a good spot with my mental health today and I need a day to stay home". Hope this helps!

[Arniestal]

It seems to me that people who need good friends the most tend to have the least. My husband is no help, I've always been the one helping him. I've diagnosed him with autism, he is quite difficult for me to cope with anyway, but now with depression it's very hard. I cope by going out, anywhere but out. His company makes me stressed at the best of times. So I find it very hard I really need some good friends but don't have them. I've put all my time into looking out for others now need help myself haven't got anyone. Dr said I've got to find people!!!

[Jayden118]

Hi ya.My names Vicky and reading your message sounds like me.Everything you have written I can so so relate.I suffer with anxiety and have ocd.Its got worse since having my youngest 11 years ago. Good days are rare but even then if its not anxiety its my ocd.Use to be a happy Lady always smiling now nah don't even recognise who I am coz this illness has wrecked and tore me apart.use to socialise go out with friends have a laugh but now all I want to do is sit at home as got no motivation n lack of interest. Got fantastic husband who is so supportive but he has kidney disease which results in very high blood pressure so he is at risk of stroke or heart attack. My boys ate good and supportive.I have health have health issues to crohns disease,m e,brain tumour which thank god is benine waiting for latest mri results to check if any bigger but been told I'll need treatment in time and also this year having hysterectomy I'm 40 years old and feel more 80.And also waiting to see physio end of month had major pain for 3 months. Friends well yeah I have many but I'm shutting myself away easier for me but worse to.Like u phone goes I ignore as I don't want to talk. I've got so many things I want to achieve but got so much going on.Anxiety n depression I call it a bully there when u wake there at bed. Don't sleep being having nightmares every night so I'm shattered during day.I'm waiting on cbt app have had in past but didn't finish as I thought I was ok and then second mri time moved.What made me realise I needed help as I walked ay 3am in morning took my self of to hospital which i walked not a bright idea but i was desperate.Broke dwn as I felt I had wasted there time and kept saying sorry but there were so kind and were glad I went. I have truely had enough feel worthless and think "girl pick yourself up" like I've done in past but now I can't gone on to long.My hubby says I'm a fantastic mum to boys but he is sad as he has said to me my wife's fading away. I want to live life but don't no how silly it may seem. Just feel so lost and lonely in my life.x

[Marysblue]

I am new on here too, my 3 closest friends quit calling me last year, and no one to talk to or find support. I am here if you need me. The friends I lost weren't true friends, never even said why they quit being my friend. I was having heart problems and high bp last year and they walked away, . they didn't understand the depression like someone who has it for years.

[secrets22]

I hear you well and clear as I've been struggling with anxiety and depression all my life and its killing me.As far as having friends that understand is almost impossible as most people pretend or are not interested at all. I thought i had many friends, but the truth is they are only acquaintances and i rarely see them unless i invite them to dinner or lunch, but do they support me, absolutely not.

[Musiclover68]

I agree this is a struggle