How long should you give a new therapist before you decide they're not the right fit? My introductory call was ok, although she already started pushing for medication without knowing me (and she's not a doctor who could prescribe it anyway). Then we had our first real session today and she seemed annoyed/bothered by me. And she kinda had her own agenda from the start to teach me the ways to deal with anxious thinking, which she kinda lead me into saying I am was feeling somewhat anxious before going into it. She took up most of our time with her list of dealing with anxiety and I didn't even ask for it or mention anxiety without prompting.
I know it's still early but I'm going to therapy because I need someone to listen and it doesn't feel like she's listening if she has her own agenda from the start. How long should I give it to decide if I should try someone else? At $40/session for my co-pay I don't want to waste my time too long without results, but maybe I'm acting too hastily.
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Indiegal
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If she already rubs you the wrong way, it may be a good idea to search for someone else. We have to feel comfortable, it is very important, so your first "gut" impression is the one you should maybe listen to.
She seems very intuitive. If you were not comfortable with her approach, definitely advocate for yourself with her, and if need be talk to a supervisor. She might have already have had your chart and reviewed it before meeting with you. A good therapist will look at your chart ahead of your visit. I would give her the benefit of the doubt and stick with her for 2 or 3 more sessions. Less than that and you and she really probably do not know each other well. You might have been anxious about the appointment itself and that could definitely have affected your objectivity. I am not trying to be mean, these are just things that occur to me. Be well and hang in there.
There are 3 red flags that I have with a therapist.
1 - They tell you on day 1 that they know the time frame that they can fix you by. (that's rarely, if ever possible, unless you have mild anxiety/depression)
2 - They spend a lot of time in the session talking about why your insurance isn't properly covering your portion of the bill.
3 - They run out of ideas, get frustrated, and try turning the tables back on you saying that it's "your fault"that you're not getting better.
AKA.. They're frustrated, because you are not an easy case, but too bad, especially if they were all confident on day 1 that they could fix you.
If it ever gets close to #3, I cut my losses and move on.
It's not the first 2, maybe a bit of the third. I feel like she didn't really agree with me being angry about some family issue (which I'm not the only family member who's upset about it) and wasn't understanding of my side. I'm not saying she has to agree with me, but there was no sympathy or understanding at all and she didn't help me with the situation. I actually felt worse afterwards.
I would have 1 more session with her, just to see if she was having a bad day on day 1. (which is still unprofessional, but at the same time, we're all human)
In session 2. "You be you", but follow your gut and intuition.
I have a good feeling that you'll know by the end of the 2nd session if she's just there to collect a check, or whether she actually cares about you.
& Maybe she does care, but still isn't a good fit.
These are the things that I would ask myself going into and after the 2nd visit, and even if you think that she's not a good fit, but have slight doubt that maybe she is, I'd do the 2nd visit for "closure".
Because that will erase any and all remaining doubt that you may have.
That way you can properly finish that chapter and move on, without feeling the need to look back.
I was seeing someone who I hoped was a good fit. She was often on her phone texting…One day she told me it was fine for my healthy daughter to put my chronically ill son off (he had been looking forward to her visit) because my chronically ill son has to cancel often because of illness!
It was the last straw! Difference of opinion is one thing, lack of values is another.
My gut has been wrong before and I’m aware of it. I’m also aware that I have mental health issues that can cloud my judgement so in important situations where decisions need to be made, instead of acting or responding hastily, I give it a little more time and consideration unless it’s a clear and present danger.
I think most everyone here covered it, but I always compare it to "dating". Some might work for others....and just not for you and vice versa. There is always a good fit out there, just a matter of finding that person. I have to admit I've given some of mine longer than they probably should have. Ideally, I think, you know within 3-4 sessions (reasoning below). I think it's okay to be open to hearing things you may not love, like, or are 100% on board with because therapists will all have different versions of therapy and change for your life. But....if you aren't ever going to be on board with what they propose, you're wasting your time and money. Heck, quite a few times, I found one that also had mental health issues where we were just venting about how much anxiety sucked.
I will say I do prefer counselors/therapists who challenge me a bit, give some nice pats on the back for jobs well done, and even those who will be open and honest by providing constructive criticism. But if they're making assumptions, agenda setting with little or no input, and just barking off about anything and everything that isn't personalized to your specific situation....it would seem they aren't listening to you. And I think that's the most important part missing here. I would expect a session or two to be mostly you talking and the therapist asking questions. By the third, maybe some progress into a plan. After that, if things just don't feel comfortable, it's time to move on.
Just based off your post, I would definitely say it's time to move on and try someone else.
I think you made some good points. I do want someone to challenge me and I'm not saying she has to agree with me all the time. But like you said, if she's not listening and has her own agenda then it's probably not a good fit. It made me mad that she made excuses for the person who offended me and told me what I can't say to him instead of being understanding of my side of the situation and being there for me. I may give her one more session to be sure. I've been struggling to find the right therapist who my insurance will cover so it's frustrating to feel worse when I'm paying someone to help me feel better.
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