Have you ever experience this immense feeling of loneliness?

[Starlove]

Hi,

I know it is illogical and yes I am attending therapy and taking medication. It has been working. However, this week has been bad for me. I am trying to wrap my head on my I feel lonely. I feel that my friends secretly hate me and that they are tired of me and my bullshit. I have become aware that I cannot depend on people being there for me 24/7. They too have struggles and are busy. I am not mad about that. I just feel like I am constantly reminded of how terrible of a person I was, my past mistakes, my failed relationship, those friends who left, and my disgusting behavior. I swear I did not mean to hurt anyone and when I did realize it I apologize for it. I do want to clarify that I did not and do not expect anyone to forgive me, they are entitled to hold boundaries. I just see that sometimes other people get others to forgive them for the way they had to cope in unprecedented times. How others kept their friends and still were able to amend. Am I not worthy of this? It sounds super egocentric. Then my cycle begins of me knowing I do not deserve friends or forgiveness.

[Starlove]

I have reached out, and sometimes they ignore my texts. Maybe they are busy. I just hope they know that if I ever offended them I am truly sorry. The part of me not knowing if I offended them is because I do think that they see my past mistakes, unrelated to them, and think I am disgusting or that I am a troubled human. Thank you for commenting. Makes me feel less alone in this feeling. 😀🤩

[Hidden]

I have never met anyone on earth who does not deserve forgiveness unless they hurt people on purpose. Your post does not depict someone who hurt people on purpose. U need to forgive urself first and I know once that is done, u will employ changes in ur life and the way u treat people. A person who is cognizant of their wrongs is in a better position of changing then one who is not aware. U have made a huge discovery by knowing ur faults and now u have to do something about it. Your friends will forgive u. Yes, sometimes when we have been hurt over and over again by someone, it is not easy to believe they will ever change. But if u are honest about changing they will c it as well. Sorry u are feeling like this but u do deserve to be happy as well in spite of ur past mistakes which I believe u learnt from. U will be fine, this feeling will pass.

[Starlove in reply to Hidden]

Thank you. I appreciate that you say I deserve happiness and forgiveness. I sometimes need to hear that, which might seem like I need much validation. I do want to say that your comment means a lot. Thank you!

[FearIsALiar]

Yes I know the feeling. You have us ❤️

[Starlove in reply to FearIsALiar]

Hi, I apologize for the lateness of my response. I appreciate your name tag. Thank you for being here to read my things. It reminds me of how less lonely I am in this world.