Does this happen to you?

[mom483]

The other day, I saw my counselor and I keep telling her how bored I am. Her response? Go outside for a walk.

First of all, that was always my mother's response to everything. Bored? Go outside. tired? go outside. Hungry? go outside.

When I was younger, I really didn't mind , anything was better than being in the house! But, Even then, I was constantly criticized: What are you doing? Why? Are you going outside looking like that? on and on. It didn't matter who said it either: Parents, aunts, uncles, siblings, friends of siblings, neighbors... everyone had something to say to me, about me, In highschool ( yeah, I realize how long ago that was)my best friend got this really cute jumper. I got the same thing in white. She laughed at me and said it looked like I was wearing a diaper.

Walking down the street one of my brother's friends yelled out his front door to mock me. Walking down the street another time, Some guy was driving down the road and opened his window to yell something at me and laugh.

I've been picked on by student and teachers in high school, coworkers at work. family, friends all my life. Some have come back years later to apologize - so , no, I'm not being paranoid. Now, I have a neighbor who comes out everytime I go out of the house. She questions and criticizes everything I do. It's a n ever -ending nightmare.

I mentioned in another post that I created a medical journal. I didn't tell anyone about ti until it was finished. It has been available on Etsy and Amazon for a few months now. No views, no comments, no sales. I stopped posting on social media because let's face it people are only friends when you can do something for them.

When this topic came up in conversation with my daughter, she couldn't understand. So, my question is: Am I overreacting and being totally paranoid? Has this happened to anyone else? If it did, what did you do about it? I tried ignoring it, it doesn't work. It has happened too many times to not be real. Or have I completely lost my mind?

[Dolphin14]

Hi

I'm sorry you are being treated this way. Can't you tell them to stop?

Your wounds of the past need to be healed. Do you talk about that with your therapist?

Maybe your daughter can't see it because she has been raised differently and not picked apart? This may be a tribute to your good parenting?

🐬

[mom483 in reply to Dolphin14]

Thank you Dolphin14 You are truly a wonderful and helpful person. I appreciate your reply. When I tried talking about this to my counselor, she wanted examples of why I felt this way and then said I over-generalized and she never did that or experienced it in her life. I've tried talking about ti with other people and according to them I am being paranoid. But of course that's what someone says when you are being gas-lit. I've learned not to trust "authority" because every time I tried to work with them, I end up feeling like I am crazy. People that I was supposed to be able to count on, were some of the worst experiences in my life. Maybe I am paranoid, but I've never been able to trust anyone.

[Dolphin14 in reply to mom483]

I'm going to disagree with your therapist. She thinks is paranoid behavior? Is it possible that it's an old message you learned that is telling you you are not good enough you are not worthy etc etc

I can tell you a bit about me. Childhood emotional trauma and neglect. No love from the ones I relied on for nurturing. Grew up stuffing my feelings, listening to criticism etc.

I learned I wasn't good enough my expectation was I would never be good enough and I would receive negative treatment from others. I wasn't paranoid it was an ingrained feeling.

Does that make any sense?

[mom483 in reply to Dolphin14]

I'm sorry, Dolphin14 , I missed your post.

Yes!It makes total sense!

I was good enough, but thats all I was. That was my mother's favorite saying,"oh, it's good enough" when she did me a "fav or". According to my father, I was stupid and useless and who would want to marry me?! It was made worse by classmates, teachers, anyone, really. It was like I had a bullseye on me. Add to that I was too. afraid to stand up for myself. I could do it for other people, just not for me - which lead to a whole host of issues.

Since, I started this post, I have made a conscious decision to not be silent anymore. Not take the leftovers that no one else wants. No, I will not turn into a Karen and lash out at everyone, but I will no longer stay silent when I am being trampled on.

Thank you , everyone for your help! I truly appreciate it!

[Dolphin14 in reply to mom483]

This is great news. Be strong and follow this new path.

Best of luck

🐬

[Midori]

Absolutely no reason you can't tell the nosy neighbour to mind her own business. Try calling them out on their behaviour.

I think maybe you are a little too sensitive. It's absolutely nobody else's business, what you do, where you go, what you wear, etc.

I can tell you a secret, They don't think about throwing insults at you, once they have turned the corner, they won't even remember talking to you. Try to hold your head high, and treat them as the silly folk they are. Their comments say far more about them and their prejudices than about you.

Cheers, Midori.

[mom483 in reply to Midori]

Thank you, Midori!

I know it's silly. but I've dealt with this type of attitude from people all my life - usually from my own family. So, it's a little difficult to turn it off. No, I don't trust people. I used to , but not anymore. So, now, when I am approached, I immediately revert back to being paranoid. But, you are right. They are silly. I have to remember that! Thank you for your perspective. I really appreciate it.

[Midori in reply to mom483]

Having been a spousal abuse victim, the full gamut, gaslighting, belittling financial abuse as well as actual abuse, you can bet your life I know how you feel.

Yet I managed to get myself out of it, when the doctors saw me and just reached for the prescription pad. I got sick of being dosed up and weaned myself off the tablets, and I did it by getting angry at myself. I also got away from my husband.

Having been a nurse, I understood that we have in effect, two brains, the primitive flight or fight one, and the rational, thinking one. One morning I was mulling over the same old same old, useless, rubbish housewife, bad parent, etc., and I realised my primitive brain was talking in the voice of my husband. As I had two kids to bring up, I couldn't fall apart, so I got angry with the voice, cussed it out and in effect told it to go away, (but with lots of curses flying!) It worked for about a week, then came back; so I cussed it out again, and this time it left for a bit longer.

Each time it came back I gave it the same, and eventually It gave up. Occasionally, I will have a doubt, but very rarely nowadays. It takes work and determination, but it could be worth a try for you.

It's 32 years since I left the husband, and 20 since I got the hang of taking charge of myself, but for me, it worked.

Cheers, Midori

[mom483 in reply to Midori]

Hi Midori!

I apologize for taking so long to reply I just have not been feeling well at all this past week. Which of course leads to all kinds of ridiculous thoughts! But, like you, I have experienced the same thing. The only difference was the source - my family.

Yes, THAT VOICE! UGH! ALL. THE. TIME! I get so sick of it! I have done the same thing before - yelling at the voice - No holds barred - every foul word I could think of. I don't know why I didn't think of it this time!

One a side note, It is usually my father's voice. I haven't spoken to him in a few years, but yes, his voice is still there. He is older now and not well. and I am always thinking of what I would say to him, now that he really can't fight back I mean how would he like all that stuff thrown back at him after all these years, especially now that he is defenseless?I think of all the things I would say, then I stopped myself. If I can do it to him, why the hell can't I stand up to the others? They have no control in my life - except what I give them - and that is a lot! WHY do I do this? Whatever the reason, NO MORE! I am done being nice. From now on, if some idiot has the audacity to approach me and criticize me , I am not holding back. It will be the last time they try to do that!

Thank you for the reminder that it is ok to: stand up for myself, to defend myself, and to not give anyone any more power over me. Thank you!

[Boston001]

I'm not a woman, but I have always had similar feelings of persacution, abuse, and mistreatment. I've come to realize that 50% of it is in my own head and the other50% is the fact that some people just F suck!

[mom483 in reply to Boston001]

I don't think it matters if you are male or female. We feel this way for a reason. It would be nice to get rid of that feeling foe good! Bu tI will keep your advice in mind. Thank you!

[mom483]

Thank you! I really need to remember that!

[AnxiousSilver]

"I keep telling her how bored I am."

I know this is a generic response, but I'm (sincerely) trying to help.

Are there any hobbies that you enjoy at all? (preferably fun)

[mom483]

I understand an I appreciate your help. Yes, I like gardening, obviously my computer, and for a while I fostered kittens. But, I am limited by money and transportation. Since I am on disability, I get $1400 USD per month. I have to save anything extra for the summer months to get what I want for my garden. Hobbies can be expensive when your income is limited.