feeling the worst I have felt in a long time

[Metal13]

I have always suffered from anxiety and depression. Most of my friends and family never realized it and honestly I don’t think it was that bad until I got sick with cancer when I was younger. When I met my wife I thought she could be my miracle, the one thing I could focus on and love and even though I was scared of the world and hated people, I could give her all the love I couldn’t give others or myself. Then I was mean to her, I took things out on her. Not physically or anything but just being emotionally cruel I guess. I don’t even remember most of the things I said but I know I did. I always try to be perfect and when I am told I am doing something wrong I lash out and make it worse instead of apologizing and not doing it again. Unfortunately I just now realized this and started getting help and I think it’s too late. I know she is unhappy and she doesn’t know if she can forgive me for how I treated her in the past. I know it’s my fault. I just wish I hadn’t ruined everything. I’m not here for relationship advice. I just feel alone and needed to say/type this out loud if that makes sense.

[Agora1]

Hi Metal13, it does make sense that you needed to type this out and read it yourself.

None of us are perfect. We all, at one time or another, say something w/o thinking.

As the saying goes, words can cut like a knife, even though we did not mean it that way.

Emotional abuse can be hard to forgive or forget but so can carrying those thoughts

around as extra baggage. (which none of us need)

I'm sorry this happened but we learn from our mistakes and our experiences.

Whatever comes to pass, remember that it was said in the heat of the moment and not

meant to be a forever mistake. May you both heal from this. xx

[Metal13 in reply to Agora1]

Thank you for ur reply. I can’t figure out how to reply to all so I will just thank everyone individually for now. Talking about this and being involved in a group like this is new to me. I would like to help others on here but right now I don’t know what to say. Just not in a good place.

[Agora1 in reply to Metal13]

We understand Metal13, in that we are not all in the same place at the same time.

Right now, it's about helping you help yourself through our understanding and

support. When you are ready to reach out, you will know. Meanwhile, take care

of you first. You're in good hands with this community. xx

[Florida1959 in reply to Agora1]

words are tough ones for me, I feel every one, remember you are not responsible for others actions, only the way you react to them, be kind to yourself, and heal ,

[dutchgirl71]

I do understand the need to just express your feelings and vent. This group is a supportive way to do so. I know what it’s like to take things out on people that have triggered us. Maybe it’s not all over..if she sees you working really hard to overcome this.

[Metal13 in reply to dutchgirl71]

Thank u. Maybe it isn’t over but the uncertainty is horrible. Not knowing what’s going to happen from one day to the next is so overwhelming.