Hating my life!!

[Luna-blade]

My dad knows I have pure OCD and that it’s been years I’m on meds. However, he doesn’t still understand that what he tells me sometimes bothers me. For instance, he keeps telling me about marriage news he heard from neighbors that this lady got married and that lady got married. I told him yes she got married because first she has all her freedom, a strong personality and lived abroad and worked there. I was hinting at the fact that she wasn’t abused and traumatized in her childhood. If I didn’t have pure OCD, I would have taken bolder decisions but it just that panic ties me down in everything I do!! I really feel sad and frustrated right now knowing that after mums death, I spent years taking care of my father and the house and completing my education. I could not just get married because of marriage phobia, relationship OCD, pure ocd.... I hate my life altogether because it’s based on that pure ocd I inherited and because of dad who stimulated my ocd and aggravated its symptoms through his strict education and domestic abuse!!!!

[Hidden]

Hi there. I'm so sorry to hear this. I can definitely empathize with one thing here, and that is having a dad who scared me with his temper, was "over-protective" of me by not letting me have the same freedoms as my brother and micro-managed his family. To be honest, I tell people that I was tossed into the adult world with no real tools at being independent. And my dad wonders why, even though I'm married, I turn to him and mom so much...

[Luna-blade in reply to Hidden]

Thanks for your reply. My dad was overprotective and controlling due to his selfishness. He didn’t want me to get married so I can keep tending to his needs. Till now I feel that I am still a child from inside who wasn’t granted the freedom of enjoying the outside world and knowing how to develop healthy defense skills instead of aggressiveness and anger. At least you could get away through marriage. The problem with me is that I view every man as a reflection of my father even more I fear marriage for witnessing the horrible marriage of my mum and dad. Mum lived and died a victim of abuse. My brother and sister could flee from the house because they did not inherit pure ocd like I did.

[Hidden in reply to Luna-blade]

I'm so very sorry.

[FearIsALiar in reply to Luna-blade]

My whole family is controlling of me since I am the baby of the family they don’t seem to want me to grow up.. I’m sorry about all of this. You’re a lot stronger than you realize. Don’t let someone else dictate whether you can get married or not. That is YOUR choice. Are you able to move out from your dad? Also don’t let bad people make you believe there aren’t any good people in this world.

[FearIsALiar]

My parents do this to me as well, especially my mom. So for me I try and stay away from the news because it’s so negative and my mom starts talking to me about what’s happening! It’s so frustrating and it stresses me out.

It’s difficult dealing with mental health sometimes. I wish I never had these issues but I guess I have no choice and it’s something I need to work with. I’m sorry about the loss of your mum. I can’t imagine how difficult that is for you. Keep reaching out on here for support 💞 we are here to help

[Luna-blade in reply to FearIsALiar]

Thank you dear friend for your reply. Unfortunately I cannot move out because economically I cannot do so right now. Having mental illness is a daily struggle specially when we are exposed to more stress than we could ever bear. I’m also here to support you whenever you need it because I understand what you’re going through. As for commitment and marriage, I believe that when and if the right man comes, all my fears would vanish on their own because he would be that person who is able to alleviate my worries and pain. Thanks again dear friend and tc!!

[FearIsALiar in reply to Luna-blade]

I know the feeling. I can’t move out right now either. I have no money. So I’m stuck in this toxic household for some time. It’s really tough. My whole family has mental illness so the house gets hectic at times. Thank you 😊 that means a lot. I’m sure we all could use support during these difficult times. It’s comforting to know that someone understands. Before I get into another relationship I must find happiness in myself first because I know if I don’t do that the heartbreak is gonna hurt even worse and being on my own will be a daily struggle.

[Luna-blade in reply to FearIsALiar]

Yes my friend you have to love yourself first and foremost because no partner will ever treat you the way you treat yourself! I learned that lesson after life struck me with many blows. Love yourself do the things you love then if you want try to find love. Gd luck