Ashamed of myself

[Ringlove]

As time goes by I am becoming more and more of a hermit. Not liking to be around anyone. I feel whenever I talk to people I make a fool of myself and get too emotional and turn every conversation around to be about me. Being aware of it and wanting to change has not helped. I have four adult kids. When they are upset, I get more upset. Then if a friend wants to communicate with me all I do is go on and on about my kids and how upset I am for them forgetting what my friend actually wanted to talk about in the first place. I am well aware of what I’m doing and feel much remorse afterwards. I am truly sick of myself.

[FindingMyYellow]

I feel exactly the same way. I just want to be alone and push everyone away but in reality I want someone to hold me and be there for me. I hate myself and I find myself affecting my child a lot. He has no blame in this. I hate how I'm wired.

[Mary-intussuception]

Seems to me that you are being too hard on yourself.

Why don't you call your friend, find out what they wanted to talk about.

You've got this all out now, and it's only natural to feel upset when you hear your kids are upset.

I don't think it's too late to offer your friend a listening ear.

Your friend probably realised how upset you were and wanted to help.

Now that you are aware and have shared you could try concentrating on listening, tell yourself to listen? Prepare yourself beforehand.

Don't be sick of or mad at yourself, it's possible that you are a perfectionist. Your friend/s want you for you. Just as you are. Most probably not thinking of you as harsely as you were thinking of yourself.

[Shellybelly5 in reply to Mary-intussuception]

Like Dr Daniel Amen says: at 18 we think everyone is thinking about us, at 40 we no longer care what others think, at 60 we realize no one was thinking about us to begin with!

[mollykay70]

I know how you feel. Depression can make a person very self centered. That’s not your fault. It’s the depression.

Mary is right. You should call your friend and ask them what they wanted to talk about. It will make them and you feel better. One good thing we can all do for ourselves is to help other people. Will help with our self esteem, self worth, etc.