I feel disappointed that I'm now 42 and achieved nothing in life..Im not married, have no kids, have no job, no house , nothing. I feel ashamed that my parents have nothing to be proud of about me..I still live with them..we always fight cause of my anger, I'm depressed and sad and I feel I've made them the same way cause of the way I am..I've ruined their dreams, their hopes, and we live like we are walking on egg shells with each other..now I feel like I need to get away and go live on my own..Start everything from scratch but how can I just leave them on top of all this..when I live without them I have zero negativity it's only when I'm under their roof I'm sad and depressed.. we don't have an understanding in communication..i don't recall ever saying I love you to them..through my prayers I ask God to tell them I love them cause I can't directly...ive never offered anything to them..they are the type that would offer everything but dont accept anything from me so I couldn't express my generosity and love towards them and it seems I've taken advantage of this since this is the way they taught me..they tried so hard to give me every opportunity out there but with my lifestyle I've gotten nowhere just given them grief and absolutely nothing in return. I see relatives with their kids and grandkids, moving on in every aspect, parents being proud, kids productive, grand children joy..and my parents just see their 42 year old almost bed bound..sometimes I think it's because they had everything on a silver platter for me and now I am hopeless as can be. I am a shame and a disgrace. Time has just passed by me. I feel like leaving and make a new beggining for myself, aim to be productive, self supportive, responsible, work, and make a living and a life for myself. I don't even care if I eventually turn out to live in the streets..I don't deserve anything for the way ive treated my parents.. I know I will feel guilty after what they have done for me to just turn around and say bye, I'm going out there to live my life especially when they sacrificed their life for mine..I am extremely happy though when I live alone. I am full of energy, love, and fully express myself..but when I'm home I'm being dominated and feel like a crab in its shell..please any advice as to what to do or if anyone understands me..I never intentionally wanted to cause harm or ruin their dreams it just turned out this way..My parents are in there 70's alive and kicking I'm 42, half dead at home..I honestly don't know what to do.
Disappointed with myself: I feel... - Anxiety and Depre...
Disappointed with myself
Hey, seek JESUS AND YOU Will find joy.
Let's let Jesus rest with this one. We were given brains and bodies and opportunities to help ourselves. One should never expect Jesus to come and straighten out every bump in the road, as we were given the intelligence and tools to resolve most of our challenges.
I personally agree Isaack. He did give us free will so He won’t do it for us. He will however walk with us.
Do you mean just do what I think..and Jesus will be with me?..I do believe that..Im a great believer but I'm ok not being married, not having a house, no job, no nothing..I know Jesus has a plan for me..but my parents offered me everything but I just blew it away..now with my depression my past is sorta haunting me..everyone around me has a life..and I, just a waste of space..
Hi I am older than you and have never been married or had kids and it's too late for me now. I always feel my parents were disappointed in me too. However I did leave home in my teens and lived my life even though I never had what I wanted.
Leave home and you might find your own purpose in life without feeling like this. You need to get away from the negativity to create your own positivity. x
It doesn’t sound like you are okay with it if you think you are a waste of space. If you are and that’s all you ever want for you life then what’s the problem? God gave us free will. Free will to follow him or not. God would want you to live. What you’re doing is more existing as you explain it. If you choose to live He can be with you. If you want. He won’t do it for you. You can’t just lay there and do nothing and expect him to hand you life. God reacts when you act. He loves you. He wants the best for you. You won’t get it laying in that bed though. Whether that’s kids or not. Your own home or not. Your body is a temple. You have to take care of it. As Gods children we are a part of him. Abusing yourself is abusing Gods child. He doesn’t like it.
Why aren't you out on your own working and helping to support your parents now? 42 is not old; it's middle age.
If you think you can't find work, apply for a job with a cruise line. The work long and sometimes hard, but that military-like precision and structure will raise you quickly to the maturity you should be. Calls for months away from home, but you would to able to help your parents financially, and you will have a uniform, a place to sleep and eat and even have a medu=ical staff on board. And opportunities for advancement.
So, get going. ok?
Thank you..
No worries. 
It sounds like to me your parents do love you. It would probably please them to see you out on your own. I would much rather see my son occasionally and happy than everyday and a miserable tart! Parents, at least most of them, have unconditional love for their children and want the best for them. You can love the person without loving the actions. You are not worthless. If you feel better, act better, love better etc. when you live alone then do it! What’s stopping you? Your parents would probably be happier if you did if what you’re saying is true. Many people in life never have children for many different reasons. Choice or not by choice. Does that mean they are worthless? I always preferred renting. I didn’t want to buy a place because I didn’t want to be stuck. What if I didn’t like the neighbors? I’ve had very sad things happen at homes I’ve lived in and felt like I needed a fresh start. If stuff breaks they fix it which I’m not good at doing. That doesn’t make me worthless. Some people want to but can’t for one reason or another. Not worthless. Don’t let what society makes you think is normal define you. We are all unique and diverse and that is what makes this world so beautiful. If you know what makes you function at your best, what makes you happiest, what makes you honor your parents the best...DO IT! Get up and do it! You deserve it. They deserve it! You talk about wanting marriage. That can’t happen laying in bed at your parents. I know that can be hard when you have sunk so low but you can do it. You know if you do you’ll feel better. I suggest some serious if not inpatient therapy as well I learned so much from it. Plus it will give you some time away from your parents to work on yourself. Highly beneficial. Try to get some help with anger management as well. They don’t deserve it.
I am a mommas girl 100%. My mom is my best friend. I love her and we are very close. However when she comes to stay with me and treats me like a child I resent it. I’ve been through a lot in this life and somehow even when it doesn’t seem like I will I come out on the other side. I’m very much like my mother but in my house I also have things I do differently I want to be treated as the boss and grown up in my home. She can sometimes meddle. Like just moving things where she thinks they should go. Nothing bad but just a little irritating I respect her though as my mother. If not for her I would not know how to pee pee in the potty. Grown ups should not live together. At least not long time. Especially if personalities clash or someone’s a tart!
I’m not trying to be argumentative or put my beliefs on you or judge you. I just have to say that the Bible says God is the only way! I personally feel that way for myself. If you are a believer always put Him first. For He is the way the light and the truth. You have to put in the work. He gave you free will. He will walk with you though if you want Him too.
Bless you! No matter how you stand on religion.
Yes..so very true..I come from a cultural background, so it's ok to be home..My parents want me home they don't want me to leave..but I, I, need to be me, I don't feel free..i had the opportunities to buy or have a made up life with the help of my parents but I blew it, my youth is gone, my time is passing and now maturing I realise what have I achieved? Just disappointed my parents..I was very seldish..Im scared leaving them incase I make regretful decisions...sorry, Im stuck..I have God with me at all times..I put God first..
Sometimes the chances we don’t take are the ones we regret the most. Obviously they love you and that is wonderful. It sounds like they would take you back if things did not work out. Worst case scenario right? Start with counseling sweetheart. It is a very small thing that means so very much! Inpatient or not. Even as Hear You said a job traveling would be good for you. Your parents are in their 70’s. My mom is too. They won’t be around forever unfortunately. At least not in this world. So it seems like it would be important that you learn to live on your own. Even if living in their home. Therapy can do that. If you treat them so bad are you sure they would not rather see you happy and not mistreating them? If you can’t figure it out and without anger sit down and have a long talk with them then you really should try therapy. They deserve better. I obviously can’t soeak to your cultural background. If you do put God First then you should honor your body and your parents. God considers your body a temple and a piece of him. Don’t trash it. Honor thy parents. That should be done in any culture or religion. You won’t have them forever. So stay but get help so you can treat them even half as good as they’ve treated you! Not many children give quite as much to their parents as parents give to their children. It’s a solid 18 plus years full time, and as needed for life! Food, shelter, life, clothing, education etc. Not doing anything is abuse. Being mean and nasty to your loving elderly parents though is also abuse. Culturally or not. I hope you find your happy and your kindness. You need it.
What culture are you referring to, and just because you feel you "blew" it does not have to last forever. I have certain regrets, and am a lot older than you. Also, if you feel that you have some type of barrier to employment ( such as nuerological or physican-could you get help from a voc rehav agency?
Tink, religion is a delicate subject that HU does not want discussed here, as there are so many different beliefs of the very diverse membership of the venue. Better left to PMs.
Tinker, need to leave the Bible and religion out of support discussions on anxiety, depression or mental health matters. This is a mental health venue.
Saying that "God is the only way.....He is the way the light and the truth" is an example of what is not within the acceptable topics and suggestions for dealing with mental health issues such as anxiety and depression. There are some very good reasons for this. Trust me, and maybe read the guidelines or contact the administrators for an explanation.
I don't want anyone's faith to be disrespected, particularly yours.
I also do not want someone taking medication to stop because they think "God is the only way", and then have that person have seizures or other side effects or think they need to die so they can be with God to be happy. There are some very desperate people in our membership.
You and I have met on one of your first posts, and you are fairly new to this venue, so probably didn't the guidelines here.
I would like you to be a member for a long time, but eventually, someone will bring up this matter on a post or complaint.xx
I completely understand that Hear You. Thank you. I’m sorry if I offended anyone. I will save that for PMs. I was not aware. For me that’s what I know as truth but I understand. I have however made it very clear that it my personal belief and everyone is entitled to there own and I will never judge because who’s to say my opinion is the right one. I truly hope I haven’t hurt anyone as that is never my intent. I love everyone and am not that way. I will be more aware in the future.
No worries, tink, no worries.
Thank you! Much love! ❤️
Sad...I can't get past my guilt.. thank you for your time..I believe in god..why my life turned out like this i don't know..I have hope and faith..I've surrendered to God..been the best I could be..it's taken its toll on me..thank you for your time and kind words ..
You can do it! It’s hard. I’ve been in that black hole! It’s hard work. I still haven’t reached the top. It is much easier I feel to be in it than to get out of it. It can be done. Fight for what you want sweetie. It can be done!
Request- : If you want some type of religious counseling- why not seek it in a religious venue? Hear You always has great advice, and is spot on with this one: I hope that you seek help with a therapist and /or career counselor. I think at one time you had also said that your parents were in an embattled home and that you became part of this as well? I hope you find peace as well as the practical aspects. I have found out also that guilt does nothing but eat you up and waste time.
A very good quote I once heard: “your current situation isn’t your final destination.” I believe things always get better for anyone.
Why do you beat yourself up so much? I know of so many people who abuse drugs and alcohol and are in and out of jail. You haven't wasted your parents' money on booze and drugs, right?
At least you're still around and trying to be there for your parents in their old age. I dunno why society puts all this pressure on people to over-achieve.
But it's not good to be idle, find something to keep you busy and get your mind off feeling sorry for yourself
ellinaki,
there has been some great advice here. The people here who are supporting ideas of getting out a bit, and testing the waters doing something simple, or even something larger, like working on a cruise line, they are all ways to work your way towards gaining independence.
It's clear your parents really care about you, and want the best for you. You might be amazed at your collective ability to repair your relationship with them as you start to work on your own independence... but do it a step at a time... Trying to do too much could be overwhelming and backfire despite your best intentions.
I spent 5 hours talking to a friend today (gotta love video chat)... he had some very good advice... among the nuggets was to go slowly... one small thing at a time. Change that is massive rarely sticks (like crash diets, etc...), but small tweaks over the course of weeks and months (like walking more or not eating dessert) can start to make a change... and that change gives you the strength to make the next small tweak.
Try your best to avoid catastrophic thinking... it's overwhelming. Like a wave that'll knock you over... you want to be thinking more like ripples in a pond... many many many small ripples. When I was 39, I was staring at a wall and decided my life was not worth living... Then, a friend suggested I apply for a particular job... I thought my chances were next to zero that I'd get it... I did, and it ended up completely changing my life for the better. I can't even begin to explain the changes, but EVERY facet of my life changed, massively.
Point there, is that you can do this! 42 is not too late in life to have a new start! You have a solid foundation with your parents, even if it's a bit strained. If they see you trying, you might be surprised at how much they are able and willing to help you succeed. And even a *small* success at first will make everyone happy and lead to the next...
No question it's gonna take time. No snap-your-fingers solutions, but you absolutely can do it! One Small Step At A Time... Even if that one small step is getting up and bathing at the same time every day (I'm not kidding!!). Or preparing a meal for your parents. Or cleaning house or doing some other task for them. Simple stuff. Start there. Work your way up to more. Make these new things habits, and things will get better. You will also feel better about yourself. If you are ashamed, swallow your pride and do it anyway. The shame will dissolve once you see the effect it has on your relationship with your parents.
Please hear and take all of this as a set of suggestions/ideas... you will know what the right "steps" are for you... you know yourself better than anyone else... look deep into yourself and you will find these answers! Once you know, put these understandings into action!
Don't just think about it... DO!
Wishing you well!
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