I have lost my only support 😞 - Anxiety and Depre...

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I have lost my only support 😞

weegmack
weegmack

So, today has been a very difficult day. My husband and I have been arguing more and more lately. Our teenaged kids told me today that they were really upset about it and found it awful to watch us getting along so badly. This was hard to hear and I feel just so awful for my kids. So awful 😞.

My husband is a rational, scientific person. As I’m having real problems with my GAD, Health Anxiety and my depression (I’m seeing a psychologist), my husband is really, really struggling to deal with me. I get it. I’m annoying to live with and I understand I’m a burden on him. He’s just completely lost patience with anything I’m anxious about and his response has been (understandably) impatient and often nasty.

So, in order to minimise conflict, I’m going to have to stop relying on him. I reassurance-seek a lot and I often just cannot be placated or reassured. I’m sure he’s ready to walk away. I’ve decided to keep a journal and write down everything I feel and see if that helps me in some way. But I’m so heartbroken. The reason I’m in therapy is because of my mum and my sister (neglect and bullying respectively). So I can’t talk to my mum. My dad is dead. My best friend is going through a terribly tough time just now, so I can’t lean on her (as she is leaning on me) and my only other friend is a psychologist! I can’t talk to her, because she’s had to keep a barrier up inbetween her professional and personal life as people were taking advantage of her being a psychologist!

I feel completely alone and totally lost. I’m not back at the psych until the 30th. I literally have nobody now. Not a soul I can lean on. I’m not showing I’m upset because of my girls. But I just feel totally lost and dead inside 😕

72 Replies
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Just from reading this I can tell you that from someone who suffers from the exact same issues as you this is part of your anxiety. I highly doubt your husband will just leave because it’s frustrating supporting someone with health anxiety and I’m a million percent sure he doesn’t see you as a burden as this isn’t something you asked for and it’s not something that’s easy to control.my advice would be to talk to your husband tell him you understand and instead of not going to him whatsoever and completely shutting him out use this site as an outlet or even call an anxiety hotline. But part of recovery is trying to not seek reassurance as hard as that might be and it’s been one of my hardest lessons but once you seek reassurance you legitimise your anxiety and give it more power. But overall I would maybe have a family meeting explain what’s happening instead of keeping people ok the dark and try and find as many outlets for your anxiety as you can whether they’d focusing on your children reading or writing or even spending time with your husband I’m sure everything will be fine and if you ever need anyone who’s not your immediate family just know there’s a whole bunch of people from around the world on this site who are here to help you are never alone

weegmack
weegmack in reply to Meyer_Gdmnx

Thank you ♥️. It was my idea not to talk to him about my anxiety anymore. I sat him down and I told him that I could see it was causing him a lot of stress and making us argue. I told him I understood how hard it was for him and that I was working on all this mess with my psych.

I know it’s just a bump in the road. We’ve been together for 28 years, married for 21 years and I know we will get past this eventually.

I just feel so sad, I suppose. Bit lost. Xx

Meyer_Gdmnx
Meyer_Gdmnx in reply to weegmack

That’s wonderful that you’ve been together that long. What did he say? I understand how hard it is because obviously he can’t understand what it’s like as he doesn’t deal with it so there is not really anyway to emphasise in any real way? And I think it does make us feel that way because it robs you of your social life your confidence and yourself but the thing I’ve learned is no matter how much we feel like we’ve lost ourselves there’s always a road back

weegmack
weegmack in reply to Meyer_Gdmnx

He just said that he thought it was a good idea for me not to turn to him with my anxiety. He didn’t argue with me or say that he wanted me to to be able to talk to him. So I guess he’s just had enough of dealing with it. But the rest of the evening and this morning, he’s acting like he feels very sorry for himself 🙄🙄

Meyer_Gdmnx
Meyer_Gdmnx in reply to weegmack

I think that could be coming from the perspective that he just doesn’t know how to help you know? You said he’s very logical and scientific but anxiety doesn’t respond to logic if it did there would be no problem right? So maybe he’s right I think he can still support you without reassuring you? Like support you in therapy support you in recovery if that makes sense?

I was married to a man like that. We divorced. He has learned he failed me. Perhaps you can put it to him the way he’ll understand it. If he doesn’t want to suffer remorse in his future he needs to go get help. My therapist called my ex ‘Superman in a block of ice’. If he has no way to get in touch with his empathy for you he won’t be able to for his kids. We lived this. My ex finally went and got help when he could no longer blame me and the kids wouldn’t go to his house.

There’s nothing wrong with you. He needs to learn. His parents left something out. Your children need him to loosen up and get in touch with their feelings.

I’m so sorry you’ve been though this and it ended in divorce 😕. I already have a real problem trusting people. I told him, if I’m having to make this change (not telling him all my worries), then he needs to make changes too - think before he speaks and work on his empathy.

He’s a good man, but his downfall is arrogance. And he’s far too rational! I actually did tell him today that I thought it might be better that we went our separate ways. My eldest is moving out into a student flat next month and my youngest has one more year of school left. She’s applying for medicine and will likely live away at uni. So I said, maybe we should just live separately. But he freaked out at that.

I’m so freaking fed up.

lawdog
lawdog in reply to weegmack

Hummmm. Wonder why HE freaked out when you mentioned living apart? My husband years ago would sometimes attend my session with my neuropsychiatrist. Gradually THAT made a great difference and I felt confident in letting my husband know when his acting like I was the cause of his own issues. He says he knows we can't CHANGE everything, but knows he understands it's nothing he or I have control over. There are some days where my depression has built up to a point I give my mind and body a day or so to just rest , listen to old TV shows as white noise and read or have the cat visit me in the extra bedroom. And instead of feeling guilty, my husband told me it also gave him reassurance he had nothing to do with me needing several days "away".....and we were better afterward..

I understand completely. My teenage daughter just told her therapist she wishes my husband and I would just get a divorce already. We are good for a couple days and then there is a week or more stretch of horrible arguing. I have gone on to say only what ia needed to stay on steady ground. I am no longer fighting or carrying on with him. I have found that I am my own friend and I stay to myself. I lost my mother and best friend in a one month span 9 years ago. My husband dictates to me but in a way that makes it look to everyone like I need him to run my life or I'm a f***up without him. I have three children from a previous marriage and he hates them but infront of people is the doting step-father who gets treated like s***. He gets everything he wants and if he doesn't we here pay the price. I make it look to people on the outside like it's a good relationship with a few small arguments, but I'm getting tired and depressed of trying to keep up the lies. I feel he brings on a lot of my anxieties and I've just really started looking at my life from the outside and I've noticed he feeds me alot of my anxious thoughts and the turns around while I'm having the whole panic anxiety thing and pushes me past my breaking point. My Anxiousness isn't getting to me now because I have spiraled into depression as I have nobody to even say good morning or good day to. He has turned my children against me telling them their mother is lime this because I never wanted them. He has manipulated and bullied my children and me and I'm holding strong trying to dig my way out to not needing him for anything. It is so hard. So before you put all this blame in your marrage on yourself. Think again long and hard and make sure that you're not looking at this through his eyes and seeing what he is wanting you to see. Sorry so long but no one deserves to think this is all their fault in a marriage it takes two to fight. Good luck and gentle hugs we will all get through this thing called life somehow.

weegmack
weegmack in reply to Fearoffear

Goodness, what a horrible mess. I’m so very sorry for you 😞. He sounds utterly horrible. It’s always up to us to keep the boat steady, right?

I think he’s actually gaslighting me - but I’m not sure. Gaslighting is new to me. An example - Thursday morning I was watching our weather forecast and it was a bit scary. A weather warning for lightening storms and flooding. We had very bad weather last week, when my husband was at work. Our street began to flood and I had to call out the fire brigade. It wasn’t a total nightmare, but thankfully, we were ok (but some neighbouring properties were flooded). So I was naturally concerned about the weather warning. I said to him that I was really quite worried about it and his response was a big sigh and then a lecture that I was over thinking, that my anxiety was “telling me” it was a problem and that it was nothing and I needed to be rational about it. Now this was BEFORE he’d even seen the forecast. Then he watches it and is all like “oh yeah, it is bad. Looks like it’s best not to make that journey and hopefully the council will come out with sandbags”! I was fizzing, raging and we had a huge argument. He left for work, I cried all morning. Then I had to visit my mother, who is the least empathetic individual in the universe. I went to bed at 8pm, miserable and exhausted.

I don’t work. I have no money of my own. I am completely alone and stuck. I have no respect for him just now.

Fearoffear
Fearoffear in reply to weegmack

Exactly. Mine tells me I'm overanalyzing everything and to stop getting myself worked up. I have thought past the gaslighting and am now to narcissistic personality. Nothing is ever his fault or problem it's everyone else's. If it's not for him or about him it is not needed (like my sons graduation party that hasn't happened yet this summer). Because I have no income I have to wait until he says we can. I get ssi for 2 of my kids and he gets paid to take care of them and I use that term loosely as he does the bare minimum but he won't allow anyone to come into his home that my kids ssi oays for to take care of them. My children's ssi pays for all the bills so his money can go to his truck payment and what he wants. And he reminds me in arguments that I have no money so I don't have say. Just stuck in a bad situation and sometimes I still have feelings for him and then he shows his true self again and I spiral into depression as I realize I'm trapped.

lawdog
lawdog in reply to Fearoffear

I believe bullies are really scared and insecure men inside and take that out on people who they believe can't get away. They think we can't get away because of money, but is that really true? If we can't work, can the support money be legally changed from his control to yours? Was stuck in your situation, and this professional man came home agressively drunk every night. I looked at the ceiling one night while he was passed out on the floor in front of the TV and kept telling my self was this going to be the rest of my life???? had some modest income and moved out while he was away for a weekend. Then WWIII began. I was told by someone to go to the state social service office, and little at a time, found ways to survive without "HIS INCOME". I so hurt for you, and the depression and feeling trapped. I hope you can make some phone calls to social services to see if there is financial assistance for you, and maybe he may be ordered to leave until some sort of counseling is mandated. I remember puttng Epicate (sp?) in his rum and scotch bottles, but knew it would color the vodka.....Epicate (sp?) can make anyone very ill and vomit...thouht if I did that it would stop the drinking.....know better now.

Wish you and all the ladies writing here that you find away out of those relationships, as they are causing so much of your mental and emotional health.

and your life, xoxoxo

Katej48
Katej48 in reply to weegmack

Hi I’ve just read your post and I totally sympathise with you, it is not your fault how you are I’m in exactly the same situation , I’m really struggling with anxiety, namely health like you even though I don’t know why , I had a few health issues earlier in the year ended up on mirtazapine of which I don’t think is helping me but I’m scared to switch to something else because it might make me worse and I’d have to start all over again with side effects, I’ve just had my first counselling cbt session last Friday , it is hard for our families and partners to understand , my family are very supportive however my partner isn’t, he text me the other day and said he’s sick of all my stupid behaviour! Like I choose to be like this , I’d do anything to be normal again and to have people saying stuff like this is not going to help us get better, my partner just doesn’t understand me at all , we don’t live together but see each other most of the time when I’m not at work , he told me the other day he’s going to Dubai at the end of September with his son and family and doesn’t want me to go , this has really upset me , I’m telling you all this the same as everyone else has told you, he’s the one with the problem not you and should be ashamed of himself for making you think it’s you , please take care of yourself and if you ever want to chat I’d love to hear from you , Kate x

weegmack
weegmack in reply to Katej48

Thank you for being so understanding ♥️. I’m really disgusted by your partner - I can’t believe his attitude 😞. Exactly - like we have chosen to be consumed alive by anxiety and health anxiety is just the worst. I think my husband believes I choose to be this way 🙄. I’d do anything to be “normal”. Anything. I’ve spent most of today trying to buck my husband up, because he’s decided to feel all guilty and sorry for himself. I could punch him through the wall. We’ve been here before. He feels all sorry and promises to treat me better, it lasts a few days, then the crappy attitude starts again.

I’m exhausted and I’m confused and I’m done. I have no support from any of my family and he was my only support. Xx

Katej48
Katej48 in reply to weegmack

My GP tells me men don’t understand, sometimes I do wish something would happen to him so he knows what it feels like , I lost my mum to cancer 4 and half years ago , my dad sort of gets it and I have my two sisters, my son doesn’t really say an awful lot and my work colleagues are very good, I’m hoping to go away with my sister at some point this year , I’ve thought if he can go away then so can I , I just don’t understand why he doesn’t want me to go, he’s very cruel and selfish x

weegmack
weegmack in reply to Katej48

It is very cruel and selfish. So horrible. It’s like it’s too hard for them to think that hard, to see it from our point of view. You should definitely go away with your sister - go for it and enjoy yourself! I lost my dad 22 years ago to bone cancer - two days before our wedding. That started my health anxiety and it only got worse when I had my children. There’s lots of other stuff but I’ll not bore you with it!

I’ve told him, very clearly, that if I’m going to stop talking to him about my anxieties, then he has to have a long hard look at himself. No more arrogance for example. We shall see.....

Katej48
Katej48 in reply to weegmack

Are you on any medication?

weegmack
weegmack in reply to Katej48

I take Amitriptyline in a low dose for pain - I have chronic daily headache on top of all this. It’s a lower dose than would provide antidepressant effect, so I’m wondering if I need to up that dosage. For the anxiety, I have 2mg diazepam.

Katej48
Katej48 in reply to weegmack

I take it you live in the UK? I’ve got burning mouth syndrome and it’s really bad, i was put on Amitriptyline 10mg last Tuesday but I’m convinced it’s made it worse so I’m not taking anymore, I’m also on zopiclone for sleep, the only relief I get is when I’m asleep then it all starts again when i wake up , the mirtazapine and sleeping tablet work well but at some point I know I will have to come off the sleeping tablets

weegmack
weegmack in reply to Katej48

Yes I’m in Scotland. I was given the Amitriptyline because of the headache. I woke up with it in the middle of January 2011 and it never went away. It was very severe for a long time, very debilitating and I ended up having a brain scan. Thankfully, it was all clear (or “unremarkable” as they put it). But I’ve never been free of it. I started the Amitriptyline at a 10mg dose and it did work for the pain (it’s used off-licence for pain). But I’m now taking 30mg at night. I have IBS too, so I do think it helps to keep overall pain more manageable (I’m falling apart!). When I started it, I felt like a total zombie, but I didn’t have any side effects, which is unusual for me. It took a good month to work. Try and stick with it if you can - but I totally understand how hard it is to try new medication when you have anxiety and health anxiety. It’s so hard.

And yes, each morning.....that dread and sickening panic for the day ahead. I don’t take anything to help me to sleep as normally I sleep ok....but I stay up way too late (I think I put off going to sleep, because I know I’m going to have to start all over again tomorrow)...😞

Katej48
Katej48 in reply to weegmack

Someone I work with she takes it for headaches as well, I think it’s helping her, I get headaches most days and hoped it would help mine but my mouth is sore at the moment it feels too much of a coincidence

Katej48
Katej48 in reply to Katej48

Oh yeah and I get ibs, all symptoms of anxiety and the menopause

weegmack
weegmack in reply to Katej48

😕😕 it sounds like you and I are very similar! Can I ask how old you are? I’m 44 and I’m positive I’m having symptoms of menopause (my mum took it early) but my GP just doesn’t want to know. We get all the fun, right? 😕😕

Katej48
Katej48 in reply to weegmack

I’m 49 haven’t had a period since January , I can start hrt if I wish next time I go

weegmack
weegmack in reply to Katej48

That’s what my GP said to me - I would need to have no periods for 6 months. Problem is, I have a Mirena coil in just now - I need it for very heavy periods and it also has helped my IBS. So I never have a period on it! So I don’t know what’s happening....😬

lawdog
lawdog in reply to weegmack

Is there a women's shelter for abused women and children....doesn't need to be physical abuse.

My ex is a good man and father as well. He got to be a better father after I left and the kids would rather be without him. Mine was rational but that’s truly fear of emotions. A well balanced person has both. If a person can’t at least be sympathetic it’s fearing the situation. They can’t control it so they fear it. Bury your head in the logical sand. I suggest you tell him you love him and you want your kids to love him and he needs to have some therapy. Maybe start by going together for ‘communication skills’. That’s how I got my ex to go. He’s a lovely man.

I did tell him he needs to talk to someone. But, there’s apparently nothing wrong with him 🙄. And he totally does bury his head in the logical sand.

I guess I’ll just have to see how this goes over the next few weeks.....x

I was thinking about couples’ counselling. It’s all such a mess. I was emotionally neglected as a child by my mother and my dad was an alcoholic. I developed a mistrust of people and I have real problems with self-esteem, self-hatred etc. So, when I seek reassurance, nothing my husband says will placate me. So I get aggressive and we argue. BUT....he is impatient and belittles me. He knows he does it and gets all remorseful when I challenge him about it. And also, he NEVER apologises without prompting. I don’t know why I’m still with him. I really don’t.

I’ve been on a suicide ideation watch-list lately, so I’m just not strong enough to leave him

lawdog
lawdog in reply to weegmack

Does he know you are really on a suicide watch? Would that break through his denial on how he treats you? Please contact someone you're hitting bottom. Please do not let this bully get to you that far. Really sounds like a very good idea to seek support counseling for yourself, and then couples counseling. The more self confidence youbuild in yourself, the less reassurance you'll need from him. BUT PLEASE DO NOT HARM YOURSELF. There is aways someone in the world on this venue reading and put the local crisis number next to your phone. Just get through this night, and tomorrow and see what you can do to help yourself. Ok? Ok? Ok.

/

I will listen to you! I know how you feel.

Hidden
Hidden

Think you need to pamper yourself . Apologise to kids for arguing and also to husband . May be a class or hobby can take your mind off problems so you are self improving and have better self esteem. Guess teenagers and husband need you so you need to look after yourself to make you feel better for yourself. If you need help with medication then may be you should have other health checks for iron vitamin d and B12 which if low can make things worse. Try to reconnect and break down barriers. Making the first step when you feel you are not understood is hard.

Well I think he is a big burden on you too! I would hate to be with someone so rational and logical and would probably end up smacking him!

Not sure if you are currently seeing a therapist but at least they can be a support to you. x

weegmack
weegmack in reply to hypercat54

I’m seeing a psychologist just now. I have a lot to work on with her, but I’m hopeful she’s really going to help me. Xxx

hypercat54
hypercat54 in reply to weegmack

Tht's great and you are going in the right direction.x

Sounds like ptsd or complex ptsd because its difficult to reassure yourself or to calm down. Long term or traumas need a lot of patience and self kindness. Be patient and be very gentle with yourself. Use self talk to reassure yourself yourself. Look into a support group in person if possible too. Go for a walk or to the park. Or just sit outside. The braches swaying in the wind the birds chirping lawnmowers mowing. Let your spirit be soothed by the sounds of nature. See if there is a class or hobby u can look into or some volunteer work. Give yourself time to heal. Healing is a process and its not defined by time. Be patient and be gentle with yourself. U can be a best friend to yourself or an enemy. Even though others may not want to keep helping u don't give up on yourself. Be open to the healing soothing effects of nature. Take care

The psychologist says it looks like I have ptsd from the neglect in my childhood and from things my dad did while he was drunk. It makes so much sense to me, when she said that and was validating too. Unfortunately, having to go through it all with her, has been really hard and brought back so many awful memories. So I’ve been super anxious and very depressed.

I’m so desperate to make life better, that’s why I offered to not talk to my husband about how I feel anymore. Partly because his response is usually pretty mean and partly because it will minimise conflict in the house. But, I feel very resentful now. And there’s nothing I can do about it.

I do need to get out and do more. I used to. But in the last year, I’ve been self-isolating and struggling to go anywhere. Xx

Be kind to yourself. Please understand that caregiver burnout is real. Emotionally and mentally it takes a lot of energy to help someone. I used to be very empathic and could sense when someone was in pain or sad and i could help but some of my energy was absorbed by the other person and it would take some time to recharge. An individual s energy level may not be high or it may take longer to recover. Anyway you may have to widen your area of support or look for alternative ways to fuel your spirit. I understand your isolating and wanting to shut down because I've been there. Please don't because that is an unhealthy coping mechanism and let yourself be there a short time if u must but not for long or it will deepen your depression. I would go to the store or library for awhile or go out to eat or to a movie or to church. It may sound like a cliche but helping others or doing a little volunteer work does help. I'm not able to do much sometimes but i am making some progress. Even a small amount of progress will help exponentially over time. Is there a hobby or a class that u would like to take? Do u like swimming or yoga? Did u ever see a play or a musical on stage. Tickets can be reasonable in the balcony. How about a museum there are free days or discounted tickets available. You get what I'm trying to say. Its not easy but i pushed myself to take tiny steps then another tiny step and another. Sometimes i thought all my effort was to no avail but i thought of my kids and the few people who care about me too. I thought of God too and how we all have a purpose in life and every life is precious He would be disappointed if i gave up and its not a good way to say thanks for your sacrifice I'm giving up and giving in now. I made a promise to try my best. Just try your best even if its tiny steps at a time. The journey of a thousand miles begins with the first step. Please take it u deserve it and the individual s who love u deserve it. I'm with u and will try to help. Take care

Thank you ♥️. I think I’m struggling with all this so much, because he was my only support. We’ve been married for 22 years and he has ALWAYS been impatient with my anxiety. I used to have a great support network in my church, but that has all gone. 3 years ago, my children were subject to grooming by the youth worker. Turns out he had groomed another family in the church and sexually assaulted their 6 year old daughter. The church did NOTHING. The youth worker’s family are very large and they all basically intimidated us out of our church. The police were involved too. Last year the youth worker assaulted my husband. He was arrested, charged and found guilty (eventually) of serious assault.

So I totally understand that my husband is struggling, but he won’t get any help himself. And I’ve become such a wreck over all this, it’s all a disaster.

We are hoping to move away from here when my youngest is done with high school (just about to start her last year). I find it very difficult just to go for a walk here, because I have basically been shunned by many members in the church and the youth worker’s family are very intimidating.

I have terrible health anxiety and I’m convinced just now that I’m dying. I’m sick of myself and sick of my life and I just don’t know where to turn. I’ve made plans to go out today though. So that’s a start! Xx

I’m totally in the same place as you! I don’t know who to turn to anymore...my husband is so sick of my anxiety/depression and tired of hearing what I need to recover. And my kids are noticing all the tension and it’s been hard on them. Just like someone else said in the reply’s my husband is such an arrogant man and will not admit anything is his fault and it’s all me. I’m the discontent one, I’m the one with issues, I’m the problem....

I’m so stuck and it’s wearing me down...

weegmack
weegmack in reply to amyo40

Yup. This is me too. My his arrogance over the years has been astounding. Getting him to admit anything he’s done wrong, is like getting blood from a stone 🙄.

I’ve barely slept at all - I also feel so trapped. 😕

A person cannot give what they do not have or choose not to give. Being there for someone doesn't mean they will be there for you. Not everyone is giving. Look for support elsewhere. How about a class museum play or musical or art. Theres stuck mentally and emotionally and spiritually and physically. Sometimes i can make myself feel better mentally or emotionally by physically doing something. Even if u are only able to sit outside where u live listen to the birds the tree branches swaying in the wind . Nature has its own rhythm its own cadence. Be still and listen let your mind heart and spirit receive what is around u. Please try it. Take care

My heart goes out to you. Right lets get 1 thing straight here youre husband married you for better or for worst in sickness and in health so please don't make excuses for him . He should be there with you no matter what . Please don't give up although you are down at the moment be strong there's always a better outlook your just not seeing it at the moment. Its all about talking . If your ever down just lay it all down on this forum. Or if ever you just want a 1 to 1 conversation I'm always here.

Take care.

weegmack
weegmack in reply to Daveyboy77

Thank you ♥️. I really appreciate you being there. I think the “for better of for worse” part has passed him by obviously!

He’s actually asking me how I feel this morning 🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄

Daveyboy77
Daveyboy77 in reply to weegmack

Well thats good. I'm sure deep down he still loves you and cares. He might be like a lot of men and doesn't know how to show his emotions and feelings. Or it could be he doesn't know how to Express himself to you . Only you know the answer to that. But it's good to hear his making little steps.

Gave a lovely day. 🤗👍

weegmack
weegmack in reply to Daveyboy77

He is a bit of an emotional ironing board 😂. I’m just so fed up today, but I’m trying to be positive. Had a wee cry and just going to get on with the day. Xx

Daveyboy77
Daveyboy77 in reply to weegmack

Bless you. Try and be positive

When I'm in a dark place I tend to go for a long walk,or even visit the local coffee house . Just sit down and watch the world go by. You will be amazed how many people like yourself are in the same boat. I find talking to strangers also comforting and if I can lend a ear or help those inneed well that's a added bonus. Please try not to get upset easier said than done I know but think of your daughter's they would hate to see their mum in tears. Xx

Good thing you're getting counciling, don't talk to family and friends about what your going through, they can't handle it, they want it to go away, it's something they know nothing about, so they become frustrated with you. That's what I'm going through, my kids have chosen to isolate me, we don't have must intersection with each other. When we go out in public they tell me how to behave. So now when I'm around family and friends I pretend everything's Fine. Unfortunately that's what your going to have to to do. Keep it between your doctor and your journal sound like what you need to do or your Family is History? Sorry to say 😖

I’m so sorry you’re kids are like that with you. You’re so right - nobody knows what to do and they just want it to go away, so they don’t have to deal with it.

When my youngest was born and I had severe PND, my mother-in-law said I was an embarrassment to the family and my husband did NOTHING about that. I’m so fed up of being the butthole of my my family 😕😕

You have to ignore the ignorant, keep going to counciling maybe some medication? I'm sure you're mother in law has her skeletons? 😖

I understand how you feel, my husband the same, now he's in a care home having developed Alzheimer's and in spite of the difficult past I would give anything to have the "old" him back! Take care and look out for each other as well you can while you are able.

weegmack
weegmack in reply to foxglove

I’m so sorry about your husband 😞. That’s such a very hard thing to go through. Sending you love ❤️

foxglove
foxglove in reply to weegmack

Thanks, your love appreciated x

Say some prayers; find others you can reach out too. I know its a very lonely place and hard for those close to you to deal with; I know.

foxglove
foxglove in reply to myboy2007

I spend a lot of time on prayer, think I've tried every saint listed in the Kalendar! and some others beside. I'm not one for reaching out to others generally, I find very often they only want to hear the "Gory" details. I thank you for your understanding x

I’m so sorry you are going through this , it’s really hard for you and your family. You are being honest and say you’re sometimes difficult to live with, anxiety can be very difficult in any relationship it takes a strong partner to understand us . But sometimes we do have to take responsibility. Your children will be fine and it’s good they can say how they feel, it shows you’re open to them . Keep strong don’t be too hard on yourself.. use this community. We hear you.

I am really sorry to hear this. I wanted to reach out to say you are never alone. There is always someone to talk to and this group is a great way of getting lots of support so please don’t feel you have no one. I do hope things get easier for you but in the mean time try and keep faith that things will get better and these difficult emotions shall pass. Journaling is a great idea and I really hope it helps. I use an app called Sanvello which is great for anxiety and general mood. Give it a try and see how you get on.

Take care x

weegmack
weegmack in reply to Sophia1985

Thank you so much ❤️. I will try that app - I’ve never heard of it! I’m so weary, but I’m grateful for all the support on here, I really am xx

lawdog
lawdog in reply to weegmack

For you and all the women in situations of depression and lack of caring by others, I know If all the positive ways of surviving,doesn't work, I have a Louisville slugger baseball bat that a very large friend of mine swings like a pro. Sometimes getting an abusive person's attention also get's that person to think. bless all of you. xxx

Oh Sweetheart, I only just read your message and to me it was like a ( CRY FOR HELP ).I wish I could get hold of you and give you a GREAT BIG HUG. When people have an invisible illness, nobody seems to understand. BECAUSE NOBODY CAN SEE IT. When someone has their arm in a sling, people will say Orrr what have you done. But us poor b.....s has to grin and bear it. I know it must be hard when your Kids tell you that, but they don't understand. They'll get over it. Your Husband should know better anyway.He must know you're hurting. But don't you go putting yourself down, i don't know about trying not to rely on him so much,.i think you really need more help than you are getting, both for physical and Mental issues. Don't go digging yourself down in a pit.Try sitting down with your Husband when the kids are not about. Hold his hands and tell him exactly how ill and upset you feel all the time. Tell him how depressed you are, that you don't want to be a burden but you really. really need his help and support. You've no one else to turn to. TRY IT. It is hard when your Husband has to do things that perhaps he's never had to do before. My Husband has had to look after me now for 10 years ,POOR THING.He does all the washing, cooking, cleaning and he even helps me bath. Weve gone through some really rough times Ive been in and out of hospital so many times that ive lost count. Been on a Life Support machine, In Rhesus and Critical Care but we're getting by somehow. We have 3 wonderful, loving Sons. But sometimes I look at my Son's and I can see the pain in their eyes and on their faces because they can see the pain that i am in. Life can be a real bitch sometimes , but we get through it.

( I don't know how, but we do ).My Husband and I have been married for

56 years. We were married when we were 18 years old. We thought that when we retired we could do a little bit of travelling. HUH.I haven't been out of the house for 8 years, except to go to the hospital or Doctors, and I wouldn't even do that if it wasn't for my Husband Anyway I hope you and your Husband can work things out. Will be thinking of you and wishing you all the best.

Take care GJKAS.XX

weegmack
weegmack in reply to Gjkas

I could cry for you 😞. You have it way more tough than I do. I’m so sorry you’re having such a bitch of a time. The fact that you care how I am feeling right now, when you are going through so much worse, speaks volumes about how caring you are ♥️

Things have been really prickly between my husband and I since I posted this. I withdrew from him completely for about 4 days and he suddenly decided he DOES want to help me after all 🙄🙄. I really feel so heartbroken, because he has days when he’s open to helping me and days when he isn’t. He will make dinner and do practical stuff, but he often falls back into his patronising rational crap when I tell him I’m anxious about something. So I don’t know whether I’m coming or going. My psychologist is being really helpful - but I really lack a support network. I’m very lonely. 😕😕

Gjkas
Gjkas in reply to weegmack

Hi Sweetie, don't you go giving up on things. Sometimes Men need a b....y good kick up the butt. I'm so sorry things are getting you so as you don't know whether you are coming or going. Sounds to me as if you're doubting as to if he really loves you or not. And if you keep thinking like that you will drive yourself round the bend.I think he does but he just can't cope with things. WELL TOUGH, HE'S JUST GOING TO HAVE TO LEARN. Because I think you both love each other, it's just because of how things are at the moment. But don't you give up, even though you might feel like it at times. Will have to leave you for now, in a lot of pain. But keep in touch. Id like to know how you are keeping. Will keep my fingers crossed that things will work out for you. GOODNIGHT GOD BLESS. GJKAS X

Hidden
Hidden

Hi weegmack, I know how it feels to have depression and you feel like no one cares, me and my bf Aiden have been fighting because I think he's been cutting again and he knows what i've been through and why i dont want him to cut. Well i've lost most of my friends and he was the only one who cared about me, now ever since the fight i feel like know one cares about me any more. Right now im in my schools band and so is he. I'm going to try to talk to him and i think you should try to talk to your husband about your issues with him. Love you and keep being awsome.

weegmack
weegmack in reply to Hidden

Oh bless you and thank you for taking the time to speak to me when you have troubles of your own ♥️. I’m so sorry what you and your bf are going through. It’s right to keep talking. I think my husband and I are in a complete communication breakdown right now, xx

Time to get another therapist! Keep writing down your thoughts and feelings. It does help to see how much you really need a therapist that listens to you and involve her personal life. Go out and find a person who listens to YOU!

weegmack
weegmack in reply to Nancy99

Thank you ❤️

Weegmach, just make sure you’re not seeing yourself through the eyes of those who don’t value you. Know your worth and live by it. Do not quit. It will get better. Sometimes these storms appear in our paths to clean the way and so we can start again. Take care and feel peace! M 🏝🇵🇷

weegmack
weegmack in reply to MEGL53

Thank you ♥️. I’ll try xx

Do something for yourself, spa morning, shopping, go outside, whatever give you joy.

You can write to me.

weegmack
weegmack in reply to Ambien1711

Thank you ❤️

lifehack.org/articles/commu...

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