Just venting again

[Sam_Walker]

I don’t know what my problem is, I don’t even know what I feel right now. How is that even possible?? How can I be numb but also feel emotions?? It makes no sense and I’m so confused! Also, I’m so sensitive and over-analytic and overly emotionally sensitive. If someone my own age looks at me in a store, I get anxiety, but then part of me is calm, part of me is nervous, and physically I’m nervous!! It’s so weird!! I wish there was some way I could look at my head from a different perspective and know absolutely what is wrong with me. I know I have anxiety, but there’s this weird part of me that confuses me so much. Also, I feel like a coward because I’m scared of the simplest things and sometimes (for example) I make my sister buy things at stores for me because I don’t want to talk and embarrass myself. This is silly, but I feel like I’m a terrible person because I’m so weak and scared and selfish. I really want to be kind, but I don’t know if that’s just to make myself feel better or because I actually care.

Thank you so much for reading, hope you are all well and happy

[Hidden]

Everyone feels all the emotions you've just explained at some point or another,do you see anyone about how you're feeling Sam?

[Sam_Walker in reply to Hidden]

Hi curlybacks, thanks for your reply Yes, I have gone to one therapy session so far, but I didn’t find it extremely useful, even though I know it’s only the first one. I just don’t know how I can’t know myself to such an extent that I don’t know what I’m feeling. Hope you’re well!!

[Hidden in reply to Sam_Walker]

Yeah,I've just been to my first session to.

[Sam_Walker in reply to Hidden]

Aww was it?? Did it help you?

[Sam_Walker in reply to Sam_Walker]

Oops how was it 😋

[Hidden in reply to Sam_Walker]

Yes its not bad,I can't do that CBT he said because I have pain in hands and concentration is hard and remembering things to is difficult, cpn is best but you only see then six or seven times,what type did you see Sam?

[Sam_Walker in reply to Hidden]

Ohhh I’ve never heard of CPN what is it?? I think I’m going to do CBT but she never really said, just made sure I had the right diagnosis

[Hidden in reply to Sam_Walker]

Counsel psychiatric nurse or something similar, it's pretty amazing how they can diagnose in just an hour though isn't it?he says I have loss,post traumatic stress disorder ,low mood just for starts I was diagnosed with all that years ago to though,but I'm definitely going to attend the meetings because if I got help years ago maybe I wouldn't be as I'll as I am now you know?

[Sam_Walker in reply to Hidden]

Yeah I know what you mean, I’ve had social anxiety for years, it’s going to take a while to get better but if I had been younger it would already be fixed!! Yeah I know they’re so observant I don’t understand how they can just listen to us and know!! Aww that’s a lot of stuff May I ask why you have PTSD? She said I have social anxiety that affects my mood and mild depression or symptoms of depression I think, but I think I also have generalized anxiety because I worry about everything. Did you choose your therapist or were you referred by a doctor??

[Hidden]

That's all anxiety what you describing. I detest supermarkets the Town etc. It's tough xx

[Hidden]

Sorry, I meant to add you're not a weak person. You ask your sis to buy your stuff because you're worried about having a panic attack. So you see it's all anxiety and such a vicious circle xx

[Sam_Walker in reply to Hidden]

Thank you Lins345 I’m sorry you have a tough time as well! I think the therapy is supposed to help me talk to people. My dad thinks joining a social anxiety group my help but that is sounds so scary!

[Hidden in reply to Sam_Walker]

IT will help. I hope to go on a couple of courses over the next few months...ppl in the mental health can see I want to get out and do things. So I'd say to you to try it at least xx