Feeling Down

[EchoSounding]

I'm in a really bad place and just need to get this off my chest. I feel like I can do that here. My family tries but they don't really understand. I don't blame them for that.

So, as it does so oftenly, depression has snuck back up on me. I am so sad and I can't stop these feelings of sadness, lonliness, worthlessness, self hatred. Everything feels exhausting and I don't want to do anything. I practically lie in bed all day, feeling completely useless to the world.

I've recently become even more anxious than normal. Always feeling like there's something on my back (I have no idea why) so I'm constantly asking my family to make sure nothing's there. I don't even know why or what it is I worry is there it just always feels like there's something. (This ever happened to anyone else?) They get annoyed with the asking I know so I pretty much have been avoiding going into stores opting to stay in the car if I go out.

For some other reason I feel like people are mad at me. Even though I haven't done anything wrong despite the fact I know I haven't, and I know they have no motive to be cross with me but, I can't help but feel as though they are. So I constantly worry people are angry with me but, because I know it's irrational, I don't say anything and that makes it worse. I worry more for not asking.

It's all so frustrating. I haven't slept well in months. I'm so tried of everything. So tired of my mind being so cruel. I'm just tired.

[poodlelover81]

Echosounding,

Perhaps the feeling that you have something on your back is OCD. People have gotten annoyed with me for my OCD when I feel as if I have nothing. I myself have been in a funk lately, though I don't have depression. Sorry you have been feeling this way.

[EchoSounding in reply to poodlelover81]

I never thought of that before. It's just something that has recently started to happen, since the beginning of the year I believe. I'm sorry you're in a funk. It's so difficult. I hope you get to feeling better soon.

[a-lynn]

Hello,

That feeling everyone is mad at you... I get it too...a lot. I think it's one of those "monkey brain" thoughts that you have to stop letting control you. Whenever that part starts up, I go for a walk in the woods (or exercise if it's raining.)

[EchoSounding in reply to a-lynn]

I hate that feeling. I've been trying to work past it. I literally spend hours almost...arguing with myself about it. Like I get the thoughts and then I try to tell myself all the reasons it's not true but somehow my anxiety seems to come out on top but I don't quit trying. A walk in the woods sounds nice. Thank you for the advice.

[lock4life]

I am so sadden by your words. I too feel the same. Alone, no joy, and no reason to feel this way. I have read your replies and its wonderful that now you know you are not alone in feeling the way you do. Keep writing, maybe someone will respond that will have more actions to try. Don't give up. I won't if you won't

[EchoSounding in reply to lock4life]

I am so sorry you have to feel this way too. I wish no ever had to feel such horrible things. This site has very much made me feel less alone in my feelings. I will try my best to keep my head up.

[Hidden]

Not sure how much I can add, but it might help to have some of your friends or family members to discuss this with - trustworthy people. I also feel like people are mad at me but I journal and then I share with a friend. - this is kind of the conversation we have.

Me: Hey I'm having a hard time thinking Jane is mad at me -

Kay: Why do you think that?

Me: well I was talking about my weight and she got real silent. And we have lunch plans tomorrow but she hasn't texted/called me at all.

Kay: I'm sure she's just busy. She shows up for lunch every time. (etc of logical explanations that help reassure me).

It's not that you can't think of these more rational thoughts on your own, but journaling and talking it through with a friend can help you find more reasons. I also keep a stack of index cards that have a lie on one side and true statements on the back. Some are just helpful thoughts like "what other people think of you is none of your business" and "The only person in charge of your happiness is you" . I try to read through my index cards once a week. These give me reassurance. I'm growing my index cards - at first it was one or two a day. Now it's been about a few weeks since I added any. I still fight depression and anxiety so it's not just think good thoughts and you'll be fine - NO - it's training yourself to speak the truth and to be a good "parent" to your inner child who is scared and fearful of being hurt again. Take care of you.

[EchoSounding in reply to Hidden]

Thank you for your advice and sorry for the late reply. I think the index cards sound like a wonderful idea. Also I think I may start Journaling more.

Writing is a passion of mine but with my depression I've lost interest in it. But I've been trying to get back into the swing of it.

[lock4life]

Hi Just thinking of you and hoping today is a good day for you. I'm very anxious (no reason to be), so going for a walk is out of the question. I like the idea of the index cards. Keep Strong.

[EchoSounding in reply to lock4life]

Hi there. Sorry I never got an email for this. I had a pretty bad day yesterday. Flipped out on my boyfriend and hoping I didn't ruin things for us. I think he'll understand but I still worry. I think the index cards sound good too. I hope you are doing well today.

[lock4life]

Hi E... Hope things are looking up for you. Been down for a while, but its my history, low then hopeful again...I just wanted to let you know that I have been thinking of you and praying for you.

L

[EchoSounding in reply to lock4life]

Hi L,

Sorry I haven't had an Internet source available for a few weeks. I've been trying my best to keep my head up but it's not easy. Thank you that's very kind of you ❤ I've been thinking of you and keeping you in my prayers as well.

E