Just venting

[BlackRoseOldies]

I try not to post but sometimes I just need to unwind without snapping at everyone here... Ever feel alone but never alone? My thoughts are always scattered these days and when I try to speak 90% of the time I get everything backwards my husband sometimes corrects me but he mainly just says I got u.. I can't even have a serious conversation or get onto our children cause I laugh they say it's the way i cope well I hate it!! And then if I actually get upset in a conversation I'm a ticking time 💣 I haven't blacked out, exploded in a very long time but these kids be pushing me on thin ice... no I have never hurt my children, I have gotten better and my husband pays attention just in case I get to upset... My oldest daughter is 19 with 2 kids and 1 on the way and still lives at home I don't mind helping her but she doesn't help her self I think I spoiled her to much as a child she is always like I don't know how to do this or that which is true I didn't teach them alot I did everything mainly for them I was a single mom that also had to work alot to provide but dang it she acts as if she don't know what she's doing when I know she does and I can't stand it it aggravates me so much... She Is smart, funny , is a good mom when she wants to be she has depression, anxiety and refuses to take medication says they don't help or taste nasty it's always something I told her bout this site but she won't try it idk anymore what I do know is I'm getting tired... Tired of feeling underappreciated, ugly, tired of always being tired, not being able to live my dreams , mainly just tired of this journey it's boring, lonely

[Agora1]

BlackRoseOldies, there are many women who would admire what you've accomplished

in your life despite having mental health issues. Sounds like you have a great guy in your

life. I wish I had one person who when overwhelmed would say "I got u"...

Sounds like your 19y.o. daughter has her hands full as well. You can't force her to come

on this site but hopefully she will rethink it and join us.

Well Sunday is going to be your day to celebrate being a mother, step mother and

grandmother. I hope you get treated like the Queen you are. Welcome to a

caring community I'm happy you are here. xx

[BlackRoseOldies in reply to Agora1]

Ty so much

[Existing]

Hi BlackRose, I was the last one at home and my mom spoiled me rotten, yikes! So, It happens, and yes, you did do too much for her and now she has gotten used to that. Its going to be hard to break that dynamic between you two, especially with her living with you. But this is the best time for you to focus on you, and to learn what you can do to break that pattern!

It sounds like you feel like you are not being heard? Or taken seriously when you try to say something?

This all sounds like Co-dependency, and so you need to learn how to establish personal boundaries for yourself. See if there are any support groups for "Co-dependents Anonymous". Consider the luxury of a therapist, who can remind you that its not selfish to say no to others, because you've probably gotten used to ignoring your needs, while taking care of others. Its your time now, so go girl!

[BlackRoseOldies in reply to Existing]

Ty for your reply I will look that up I appreciate it... And yes with 8 kids in the house , work I barely have time for me..

[Existing]

I have a suggestion to start. In this next week, think of 3 things you would really enjoy doing. Like what speaks to you, and brings joy or warmth when you think about it?Then, get a manilla file folder (sturdy, won't get lost in other papers) and title it: "Things I enjoy" and add your first 3 things to your 'ongrowing' list. (I just made up that word😄).

Option: You can use this to start your own system of personal wellness files that could include anything, like magazine articles, new ideas, local groups or activities, learning opportunities, new terms (like co-dependency), exercise/yoga classes, etc.

But, start with 3 things you enjoy, and the week after that, try to do one of them. And its important afterward-- check in with yourself to ask how you feel, write that down in a simple notebook or journal, under the date and name of activity. Over time, this will become something valuable and meaningful to you personally. Notice everything I'm saying is about you personally. Its the beginning of "self care" that you can start now.

[BlackRoseOldies]

I will try 😊