Me, just venting on the internet

This isn't meant to be some kind of rant or pity party, I'm just feeling the need to express myself!!! I don't know what it takes to hold on to friendships or relationships AT ALL. I don't know how to be, or sometimes whether I'm bothering someone too much or whether I should back off and figure if someone wants to text or call to wait for them to do it because if I do it I'm coming across as too clingy or I'm being annoying, I just don't know and I can't read minds!!! Does anyone else ever feel like this? And sometimes when I'm trying to get to know other people, I really get this sense that this person will just think I'm great as long as I keep listening to everything about them but if I try to start talking about me, they don't care!!!! This isn't directed in any way towards anyone on here, I just feel so alone in my own head a lot of the time. I don't want to pay a therapist to have a conversation. I think in a lot of ways my whole life I've felt very alone and I'm my own. Even when I've been in a couple of serious relationships I still felt very alone in some ways. Guess I'm very much a lone wolf, it's hard. I wish I could do some kind of life makeover, I don't know how to change the way I am sometimes, sometimes I feel like what's so wrong or bad about me anyways??? I can't seem to get along with some people no matter how hard I try. I consider myself an independent thinker and a leader in some weird way, but I try to be courteous towards others and think before I speak and there's sooooo many other people out there that just don't and it rankles me. And when I'm really angry I can just lose it and turn into a female version of Eminem. Look out for that venom!!!! I mean I try to be nice and sometimes nice just gets you nowhere!!! Well if you've read this far, thank you for listening and I appreciate any advice on how I can improve my apparently not so great social skills!!! Have a good evening!!!☺

[Hidden]

Wow I can SO relate to this post of yours. SO relate!!

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Thank you!!!!

[Operalady]

Hi yes I totally understand . It makes me think of being a kid and being with friends was so easy. So what happened? For me it was simple then we all playing kickball, climbed across fences, ate tons of candy, shared all our food , just being in the moment. Then with puberty things changed I changed! I lost that Tomboy! I was comfortable comfortable in my skin

Then I became self conscious of my body my looks things changed! But looking back if I could change things , I would fully embrace that tomboy be my true self say what I meant. Express my true feelings tell those boys to go fuck off because I am me ! So I think of you and feel to thine own self be true. When you are hVing a conversation and you are doing all the listening bring it up! Hey I need you to listen to this now about me now! See what happens! We have to tell people our needs not just expect them to read our minds! Tell your truth! People can be selfish self centered. So ask for what you need! Try it ! If they cannot listen and you do not feel connected well then it’s that kind of friendship not real close! I believe we only have a few real close close people in our lives! It should feel comfortable without tremendous effort ! The truth brings people close be your glorious god given self! Yourself with thank you for it!!

[Hidden in reply to Operalady]

Thanks, I've just had so many friendships come and go. I'm actually a 50 year old woman, and recently in my 40s a lot of family that meant a lot to me have passed away. One by one my four grandparents died, my favorite uncle who was my godfather committed suicide, my godmother who has always bought me nice gifts and was sweet to me, she died. Then few years ago I lost my apartment and got in a bad car accident and lost my car. And left a long relationship. So it's been a lot of loss stacking up!!! I'm trying to regroup, I've got to get back in my feet again. Thank you for responding.

[Operalady in reply to Hidden]

Hi I am a68 years young women! Yes alot of losses. Sounds like a tough emotional time! It’s important to vent it out! I am glad for this kind of site’. You know just to put this out there. To pick you up how about reinventing. Yourself! Get a new look , cut your hair edgy, take up a new hobby! That’s what I have always done to get a boost! New hair cut and color, and change up my clothing style! It can give a real emotional boost to move forward! I am no stranger to family death and loss! ❤️🌹🍩take good care of yourself!