FTM

[Red_fox1]

Hey, so I’m a first time mum, she’s 2 weeks today 19/9/2020, and I’m really struggling, I’m starting to feel regret towards her, she’s not feeding very well, she’s clingy to the point I can’t put her down to turn the TV on without her crying. I feel like running away. I love her but sometimes when I look at her I just think why me? I feel awful because I shouldn’t regret her she didn’t chose to be born I chose that. I’m scared that it is postnatal depression, I’m already on antidepressants as I developed antenatal depression and then they boosted the dosage because I got depressed because I wanted a little boy not a girl. Who do I talk to about this professional wise? What if they take her off me!

[hypercat54]

Oh bless you. You are very far from being alone as it it takes time for you both to adjust. Don't forget after all the excitement of being pregnant and the birth suddenly you are landed with a 'monster' who is demanding, totally helpless, and is draining you to the point you can't think straight and you are dog tired and you could sleep for England! Sound about right.? Don't believe in the myth of instant bond and a smiling happy baby. This is often not the case.

This is the time to get all the help you can from your partner, family, friends and your health visitor. You are feeling overwhelmed, that's all. And don't forget you still have your baby head on and your hormones are all over the shop.

No one is even going to consider taking your baby away. If they did that then they would need a million foster homes!

[PastelPink20]

I think acknowledging and getting treatment / support for postnatal depression at an early stage is much better than suffering silently.

I think you’re doing a great job as a mom. You’re taking care of her; she needs you.

I think feelings impact us, but they don’t define us. We can allow our feelings to control what we do... and they can lead us astray. Your first reaction is an instinct and your second thought is a choice, or something like that.

You already are aware of mental issues you have. You know you love and chose your daughter - what a wonderful thing, to be born on purpose. (We’re all born with purpose but it’s nice when parents plan, don’t you think?)

You could talk to a professional! If you’re happy, then you can help the baby be happy! If the baby isn’t happy, sometimes that is just baby being a baby! If the baby still isn’t happy, then sometimes you gotta try different things!

A therapist could help your mood and stress level and give you a support. There are some social nonforprofit programs that send in helpers for first time / mothers who just had babies. I almost volunteered for them once - they could be a support for you, if there’s something like that in your area?

I think being a tired momma is hard. Being a depressed or stressed and tired momma is super duper hard.

I’m sorry all of this worry is on your shoulders right now. You’re trying to take care of yourself and your baby. You are. The fact that you are in grief about your negative feelings show it!

Also: as a comfort, they wouldn’t take her away from you, unless you were going to intentionally hurt her.

I hope you can get some sleep!!! Have a sense of relief!! Motherhood is servanthood.

[MJRM]

I completely “second” everything the first 2 responders said. Great info! I’m an RN & worked in both maternity and pediatrics. YOU ARE COMPLETELY NORMAL. Use your supports. Talk to your doc about a med adjustment. Remember that your only 2 jobs right now are to heal from the delivery, so taking care of yourself, & taking care of the baby. I personally think the #1 thing you can do for yourself is to make sure you’re getting enough sleep. Sleep anytime the baby sleeps. Don’t try to use that time to clean house, do laundry, etc. SLEEP! Next as far as self care goes, try to eat some healthy food every day a little bit. It can be simple..... PBJ with a side of fruit, a protein bar, a simple scrambled egg on toast, etc. And try to get enough fluid every day..... enough to make you pee at least every 4-6 hrs.

So- use any support system you have (family, neighbors, friends, church support, etc) to help with the housekeeping, etc so that you can concentrate on self care & baby care.

If you’re short on “helpers” or your support system isn’t very supportive, talk to your baby’s pediatrician about your feelings. You won’t be the first mother to tell the pediatrician those feelings.... not even the first one that day!! Trust me on that. So they’re trained to get you the resources you need to successfully mother your child. That’s the goal; the goal isn’t to take babies away from mothers, I promise.

I’m sorry this is so long. I just feel like I’ve walked in your shoes & have watched many others in the same shoes too. If you feel comfortable sharing more, tell us more - how’s your support system? Do you have a partner? Parents? Siblings? Friends? What’s your pediatrician like? Good listener or no? How’s your therapist or psychiatrist? Available enough to help you through this adjustment period? What kind of resources do you think you need?

PS. Consider using a baby carrier around the house or out in public, like one of those slings or kangaroo carriers, when she wants to be held. She may like it, the proximity to you, the rhythm of your walking or other movements, etc, and it leaves your arms open for other things (or rest). These are way easier than carrying one of those detachable car seat/plastic-handled baby carriers. So so much easier! (But always use car seat when driving of course.)

I promise that this will pass. I’ll be checking back here to see if you update us on your progress. I hope you do!

MJ

[texasbonnet in reply to MJRM]

Wonderful! Your message to a brand new mom made this old mom feel better about how she handled postnatal depression. Your message would have to give new mom and all new mom a tremendous amount of confidence.

[Hidden]

Red fox, you have post partum depression. Go to a psychiatrist or your gynecologist and they will give you hormones or pills for this. Most important though is to get out a few times a week, if you have someone to watch her. It will make you feel like you are a whole person again. Consider yourself lucky, since you didn't have postpartum depression in my time. I had it very bad when I had my baby 37 years ago. Everybody thought I was crazy. It is considered a real problem now a days that they accept and help you with. Good luck!

[texasbonnet]

You and your baby are going to okay. It is a big job and you can do it. Practice listening to your intuition cause it will serve you well in the days and years ahead. Talk to your doctor, doctors have heard it before and can help you. Good luck.