More issues going on with mom :/ I understand if you guys are sick of me posting. I just have no one now. And I DO need support.

[Ubud2021]

So, there was an incident I guess...

My moms wife has Amazon Prime. She’s always let me use it. I ordered some speakers, along with a 2 year warranty but on my own credit card. I mean, I always use my own credit card because I’m buying stuff for me? Why would I use someone else’s credit card??

Anyway, I get a text from my mom telling me “Don’t use her account anymore.” And, I didn’t feel that was necessary to text her back. Because they are just doing everything they can to get under my skin.

An hour later, I get another text from my mom. That I guess SOMEHOW the speaker purchase went to the account holders card, but on MY card is shows I was charged the 5.99 for the 2 year warranty.... so, obviously I did click my own card. I don’t know why the speakers went on my moms wife’s card.

My mom said “Well, the Amazon purchase is being sent to your house. You had better not open it when it comes! You have to bring it here so Connell can return it! If you ever try to use her card again, we will be charging you for fraud. Oh, and tomorrow you won’t have any phone service!”

Which this really got to me. She doesn’t know the whole situation. I didn’t click on her card. I clicked on mine. I have NOOO idea why the purchase went to her card.

Also, she’s turning off my phone service..? Okay. I do not understand her overall goal here. I have severe depression and it is so freakin bad lately as my whole family shut me out. I have panic disorder. I have PTSD. I have abandonment issues. I have medical appointments that I CANNOT drive after because I get a lot of migraine shots, and this Tuesday I’m getting nerve blocks and will be under anesthetic.. I can’t drive for 12 hours after. I have no one to drive me. I have a lot of OCD right now. I was on ketamine therapy that helped me SOOO much, but they jacked up the price $150 more and lowered the dosage tremendously. I can’t pay for that. I can’t get a job right now. I have agoraphobia. I need EMDR treatment for that. And, ERP treatment for my OCD. I’m going through a medication change on top of all this shit. I have 20+ migraine days in a month, but lately it’s been 25 migraine days minimum... I can’t handle life...

My mom wants to control me. She wants all this power over me. She is very toxic right now. So I relied telling her, “You can come get the package. You’ve told me multiple times I’m not aloud on your property. So you can come get the package. As I don’t want to be near any of you. — So, go ahead. Go ahead and do whatever you need you feel you need to do, to control me. To have all the power you feel is necessary. Okay? But i will be staying away at this time, as you are doing this to me. I will not be having any contact with you, as you do not deserve any of my energy.”

Was that okay?? My mom has never been this way. Yeah, she would threaten all the time if I didn’t think like her or say yes to her every day, then there would be consequences. She’d threaten to take away anything she could just to gain power over me. She’s not healthy...

All this breaks my heart. My heart is hurting...literally.

[amberbily]

Deep breaths my friend... I’m sorry you are having so many family issues, especially since you are suffering with your health issues. Be strong, be brave and take deep breaths, letting go of the bad things and breathing in the positive.

[Ubud2021 in reply to amberbily]

Thank you. I literally took some deep breaths with that I’m mind -to inhale the positive and new, and exhaling and letting go of the bad and old.

Thank you. 💕

[saracar]

I think it could be possible that your mom is hurting you and playing the victim. So, if you can find a way to be independent, it would be good. Then, you can decide what you want. Most likely, she might not change. You will have to want the relationship it and be able to accept her as she is.

I changed because I was married to someone and he and his mom showed me what I was looking for. I might not have been as good a person as I wanted to be, but I really did love him.

I tried to be with my mom after he died. And I just realized I had grown past her. I expected more from her. She didn’t give it. And I really didn’t care anymore. People judge for that because it’s your mom.

That’s my story. And I do think it is so brave of you. What you are doing is brave. It’s also a very lonely road. So, maybe you can work it out. But, for me. . . I didn’t. I think the majority of people do. And you are young. So you might work it out with time.

If you have access to day treatment or therapy try to get it. Try to get therapy and support in your community too. Showing independence and standing up for yourself is great. I hope your mom is proud of you for that. She should be. Keep setting that boundary. If you can, be kind but don’t let her manipulate. I think you did great.

Maybe we’re both wrong. But I understand completely.

[Ubud2021 in reply to saracar]

Ugh. My condolences. I can’t imagine the pain you must’ve been in, and definitely needing some nurturing at the time from your mother...

My mom has always been emotionally distant. She doesn’t have that nurturing quality. Honestly with her doing all this to me, I can’t say for sure what she wants exactly. I think she even closed my bank account somehow. I don’t have money now from my account. My credit card isn’t working at all. I called the teller, they said it was invalid and to talk to a person at the bank. So I did, he said it looked fine. But, I can’t order anything!

My mom finally brought my cat to me. And she has no extra litter here. Son trying to order some but, my card won’t work for nothing.

She really is just trying to make me suffer or something... it makes me even more depressed.

I get what you mean, that maybe in time we can work it out, but for now, I do not want to. I want to take time for me. And my sanity.

[Ubud2021]

My mom also somehow cancelled my bank account and credit card that I pay for I guess?? Wtf...

I have nothing. I don’t know what to do anymore..

[Hidden]

Stay calm and try not to go back at your mum,as for the speaker if she wants it back tell her it is outside the front door or get someone that lives close if you can to take it back.

Your mum sounds like she is looking to upset you but please like others have said stay calm deep breaths and breath out all the bad and breath in the goodness, have happy thoughts i know it is hard but maybe do not even read messages from your mum delete them as i have had to do and try and make your life yours.

[Ubud2021]

She’s messaging me random things now. I have no idea as to what she is talking about... so yeah... maybe your are right Barbad, I should just delete them... she is trying so hard to get an extreme reaction out of me I think... I don’t know... I’m just over it... I’m exhausted... I’m too depressed to deal with this crap... I’m tired. I’m very tired.

[Mia898]

I get the controlling Parents or Mom in your case. Always hear if you want to chat ... This is the expert in not letting the Parents control you . You have to be you and let them be there self . I suffered abuse from my Parents .

[Dolphin14]

This is the first of your posts I have read. Are you financially dependent on your mom? Why would she be able to get involved with your credit card activity?

As far as the speakers go, can't you just pay her when they arrive? Cell phone same thing, if she's paying she can decide not to at any time.

I had a toxic mom so I understand completely. They like to tear down as opposed to build up. I left home at a young age and established a life of my own. I never relied on her for anything. I made my own way.

I hope you can get your treatments. I hope you will find some peace.

[Ubud2021 in reply to Dolphin14]

Hi there Dolphin14.

I’m sorry you had the same issue. I have been trying so hard to build my own way since I moved out at 19 finally, but I kept having a lot of mental health relapses... I am pretty treatment resistant or medication resistant rather... so it’s really hard for me to keep a job. Especially with how many migraines I deal with, because they make me so sick. And I also have agoraphobia again at this time, I am unfortunately unable to get a job. Plus, with my mental state how it is right now, I won’t be able to.

I am seeing a therapist and also an online therapist that I can talk to all day with.. and a psychiatrist as well..

At a young age, she told me that I should open a bank account. She wanted it linked to her account. She I guess is the primary holder account but then I have my account somehow affiliated with hers..? I don’t know.

And as for the speakers, I am so done playing games with her. I was just upset and kinda shocked I guess that she thought I would do such a thing, that never occurred to me. I already told her I will have no more contact with her at this time, and I need to keep this boundary I have set for myself because she is just too.... being the way she is right now.... ha

I contacted my phone company last night, and they do have a plan that’s only around 35 a month before taxes... so that will be the best I could do at the moment...

I did rely on her support financially. As of the middle of January I lost my job. But I had my taxes and everything come last month, and it was a nice amount. So I haven’t needed her help.

Thank you so much for your kindness and replying 💕

[Dolphin14 in reply to Ubud2021]

You have so much going on. You are the priority right now. Do what's best for your own mental health. I'm glad you have the resources lined up to help you.

Boundaries are a great idea, stick tightly to those. Things may get harder before they get easier. Most people don't like when barriers go up. So just be prepared for that.

Has your neurologist talked about using Botox for your migraines. I'm not giving medical advice, just to be clear for the sake of the forum rules. I suffer from migraines. So I am aware that if you fail all therapies you could get this covered by some insurances. Just a thought.

My suggestion would be to separate as much as you can from the drama. You will feel so much better about yourself if you can disconnect. I know I did.

Best of luck to you.

[Ubud2021 in reply to Dolphin14]

Yes. I’ve always set boundaries with her, especially lately, but she doesn’t like to keep them. So, all I can do is set boundaries for myself, and keep those ones.

And yes, I am aware that there is backlash 🤯🤯 I didn’t take up her offer to take me to my procedure on this coming Tuesday, and maybe that part of the reason she is doing all this. I’m really not sure though because, there’s no logical explanation...

Yes my neurologist offered me Botox. But, I’ve declined due to the people I know who had Botox. Because they said the rebound headaches were even worse. So for now, I am getting nerve blocks, and need to get a new physical therapy prescription from my neurologist as my mom basically..didn’t keep that safe. So it’s gone. And don’t worry I totally will take any information or suggestions with grace (: I do not get upset!

And that is my goal, to be able to feel better and stronger. Just it’s all happened this week, and I’m still so confused as to why all this is going on. I’m sure you know, that nothing makes sense during these times...

Thank you so much💕 I hope you have a beautiful day.

[Hidden]

Let me say I don't think anyone here is "sick" of you posting about your mom. I agree that your mom has control issues. Have you thought about getting your own Amazon Prime acct. It's really not expensive and saves you on shipping. Did you ask her before you used her Prime acct if you could use it? That could be her gripe, ridiculous as it is. I know you used your own credit card. You paid with your own credit card she cannot take your stuff away because she'd be stealing if you paid with your credit card. Just agree to not use her acct anymore. I have my own and let my dad and mom use it although I order and they give me the money.

Hugs sent your way Sweety ♥️⚓🌻🌞💪

[Ubud2021 in reply to Hidden]

I’ve asked to use her prime account before, yes. She said it was fine. I didn’t know she was holding such a grudge on me still...(my moms wife, Connell) but anyway yeah so I did set up my own prime account. And since I have Medicaid, I got half off the price. Which is awesome. But, I can’t order anything...no place will take my credit card as they have blocked my bank account... :/

And I don’t know how this happened, but I did click on my payment credit card, and the warranty was charged to my credit card, but the speakers went on her credit card?? I do not know how that happened. As they only asked for 1 type of credit card to be used. And I of course used mine.

So , yeah I am just done with them all. At least I have WiFi and will still be able to use my apps, just need to download a texting/calling service for this time.

I know I’ll be okay...sometime. I just feel all of this stuff is making me empty.

[Hidden in reply to Ubud2021]

Who blocked your bank acct? The only way prime would charge another acct would be if there wasn't enough credit on the card, which we all lose track of at times

Are they payee for you? If not go to the bank yourself close that acct and open another assuming you are over 18.

I agree that you should think about taking space from the drama. Your mom's wife appears jealous.

[Ubud2021 in reply to Hidden]

Well, my mom and Connell went to the bank yesterday and blocked my account. They do not pay for anything on my account, so I don’t know why they had done this...

I just got off the phone with the bank, (I called them yesterday too, and the guy said my account was fine) but today the lady said yes, they did block my account.

I somehow have EXTRA money on my credit card. Like, the available balance is more than my credit limit. Due to returns and things I have made. So, they said with that since it is MY money, they can transfer that to my new account I will be opening. ((I’m 27 (: 💕))

Yes, my moms wife is very jealous. I met a best friend back in the day in first grade, and her step mom is my moms wife now. She never liked when my mom would spend time with me. So she made this a competition in her head to who can spend time with my mother. She would get incredibly pissed if my mom spent time with me. Connell, my moms wife, is very controlling.

[Hidden in reply to Ubud2021]

I can see she's very jealous.

If your mom is on your bank acct with you she can

So, I'd get to the bank open another account and close that one. Not putting her name down use another address. They clearly have no boundaries.

[Ubud2021 in reply to Hidden]

Yes I have opened a new bank account yesterday. On Monday I will be able to close my other bank account. For some weird reason, I have money credit on my credit card. That is my money. So they have to figure out how to get that extra money on my credit card to put it in my new account, then I am closing my old account.

That way my mom cannot control anything. They told me she said that she was going to get off that bank account so I could keep it, but no, I don’t trust that. So just got the new account. (:

[Hidden in reply to Ubud2021]

Awesome girl and Hugs!🤗🌻♥️

[AK0424]

Hugs. My word to go to lately is "breathe" because I literally have to tell myself to stop, back up and breathe. I send thoughts your way. It takes time. I know. It may take time to get beyond this, but you will.