New to this and scared

[AllNewtoThis]

Hello everyone.

I am brand new to any type of forum like this. I am overwhelmed and afraid. I don't want this (duh!) and I'm afraid it isn't going to get better, and yet, it HAS to, right? I need to trust my doctor, but that's hard. I know he isn't perfect and what works for one, doesn't work for all. We have to figure this out together and I am impatient. I want to be better now.

It all started after sinus surgery in July and has spiraled since. Before July, I'd never had any of these issues - MAJOR sleep deprivation (7 weeks and it continues), panic attacks and depression. I was always a good sleeper - 8-9 hours easy. I had bad reactions to prednisone and budesonide respules after the surgery- both made me very jittery.

I have thought for weeks "if I could just get decent sleep, I can turn this around" .... well, there may be way more to this than I ever thought.

Covid isolation and not being able to see my 20-something age children who live away is so hard. Facetime is certainly better than nothing, but I want to hug/hold them!! I haven't been in a store since March. Appreciate grocery pick-up and/or delivery, but I want to choose my OWN bananas, dang it!

I continue to see the ENT doctor as things are not fully healed. Most likely because I'm not sleeping. Here again, "if I can just get decent sleep, this will improve."

My primary care doctor prescribed Lorazepam a few weeks ago and it had the opposite affect on m, as did hydroxyzine. Tried Traxodone, with little to no impact. Still only and hour or two of sleep per night.

Saw dr yesterday and was prescribed low dose Belsomra and started it last night. It was a rough night, but did get a little more sleep. Don't like how these things make me feel and am anxious about tonight, but have to hope it will improve with use? Dr. said to increase the dosage tonight, if not great last night. Apprehensive to do so, but probably should.

Also, started Zoloft today and do not like how I am feeling from it. Know I need to give it time, but so hard to do so.

I know from reading it all takes time to figure out and get the right dosage for each individual person. Would greatly appreciate hearing success stories about Belsomra and Zoloft (or this process, in general) to encourage me on this path.

Thank you.

[Solarm]

Hi, I've suffered from Insomnia before and it has gotten better with time. I think back to times when I was really tired and knocked right out. That puts me in a place of comfort and helps me fall asleep. I know lack of sleep definitely contributes to anxiety, when we're exhausted it makes it harder to deal with other things that affect us. It's also important to eat well and keep hydrated. Hope things get better for you soon.

[AllNewtoThis in reply to Solarm]

Thank you so much for your reply. I am so beyond exhausted and yes, the lack of sleep certainly does contribute to anxiety (through the roof!) Right at this very moment, I am anxious and panicky about what the night holds. About to take the increased dosage of Belsomra and am increasingly scared. Hoping for peaceful sleep, trying to be prepared for whatever.

I have a fitbit and though I haven't felt well enough to exercise much, I do log my food and water. Have focused on whole foods with the nutrition I need. Was low on potassium a while ago and concentrate on eating foods high in potassium and protein.

I've lost nearly 20 pounds in less than 2 months. Ordinarily, I would celebrate that, but not so much right now. This isn't the right way to do it. I can't wait to get this figured out and feel more like me!

[Solarm in reply to AllNewtoThis]

Take deep breaths and focus on the now, block your fears as much as you can, replace those thoughts with positive, comforting ones. I too have lost weight, and like you I would normally celebrate, and although I don't this time around I do find some comfort in looking a little physically better. I guess if there's a positive, it would be the weight loss. Try to look at it that way. Don't worry about what the night holds, you will cross that bridge if/or when you get to it. Our fears of the future or what we think will come puts such a heavy weight on our thoughts and our hearts. You are simply going to bed and that's all there is to it. I hope you will have a good night's sleep. Let us know how you are doing.

[AllNewtoThis in reply to Solarm]

I agree with liking the look of less weight. I haven't been this weight since before our 23 year old was born!

Reported back to my primary doctor today. Change in meds plan. Keeping the Zoloft in the a.m. and getting rid of the Belsomra. Switching to 100 mg trazodone. Does anyone know much about that?

It's hard not to be anxious about the nights. There hasn't been a good one yet. Hopefully the new med will help. In addition to other side effects, the other one gave me horrible dry mouth which aggravates the sinus area. I'm not able to use any OTC items for dry mouth.

You are completely right. Fears of the future can weigh on our thoughts and hearts heavily. I do way too much of that. If our kids lived closer, I would be able to handle many things better. And, I've always been a planner. I've always had something in the future that I was working on/toward. Hard to give that up! This past spring, our son's wedding was cancelled. They still got marriend and we still want to have a celebration, but can't plan anything with so many unknowns. Pair it with all the other changes "during this time" and it's just a big bummer.

Thanks for your thoughtfulness.

[Solarm in reply to AllNewtoThis]

I too like to have things to look forward to and my kids are small & they're starting to get very, very frustrated. I've decided to start planning small trips to more isolated areas. Like big parks that allow for plenty of room for play without being close to anyone else. I've also thought about doing the less popular beaches & things like that. Going out but taking your lunch to avoid any potential wait lines at restaurants. There's still so much we can do without putting ourselves at risk, even if it's just for a day. I'm sure it will help to get back a sense of "normalcy".

[AllNewtoThis in reply to Solarm]

Hi there. We've been doing that this summer too. With grown kids who live away, it's not near as fun (can you tell I MISS them?), but my husband I try to go to state parks, etc in the area. Living in the midwest, with winter around the corner, that will get more difficult, but we do what we can, when we can. You mentioned beaches .... just the BEST! I'm jealous! My husband is from the east coast and in the past we have LOVED visiting family at the beach!!

Prior to "all this" - the anxiety/depression crud and all that is going on in the world, I usually had our next vacation in mind, often up to a couple of years away. Saving money for it and day dreaming was part of the fun of planning a vacation! With so many unknowns now, even that isn't fun. Stinks, stinks, stinks!

I am hopeful I will have my personal self in the range of much more normal (relatively) soon, but until then don't feel comfortable planning anything and I haven't driven in a while, which is super hard. I did sleep 6 hours last night with the Trazodone so it's a step in the right direction. The anxiety has been up and down today. I took the Zoloft this morning and had a headache as it kicked in, then the sweats, then a few hours of better and then anxiety has crept in. Going through that the last few hours. I guess it's part of getting used to it? The plan is to increase the dosage over the next 2 weeks. Have you experienced this?

I wish "Patience" was my middle name. It is not.

[Solarm in reply to AllNewtoThis]

I hope you start feeling like yourself soon too 🙏 I have experienced the I'm ok then the next minute I'm not ok days as well. I've been up & down with anxiety, sweat, heart racing throughout the day. I do know some meds can take a couple of weeks for them to kick in well, so yes it probably will take some getting used to. Hope your day is better today!

[AllNewtoThis in reply to Solarm]

Now and then I do have a better day and it is promising, but then I have days that are worse too. Frustrating. I hope you are feeling better and having better days.

I'm definitely up and down. Had a decent day yesterday and night, then worse again today and now I haven't been able to sleep at all. Been trying for 3 hours. Just when I think maybe I've turned a corner, nope! Anxiety begets anxiety and on a bad cycle.

A big part of my issue stems from the sinus surgery I had and my lack of ability to breathe adequately, especially at night. I'm not exactly sure what/how to deal with it. I always thought that eventually my body would take over and just sleep. I've learned that isn't necessarily true. Am seeking a 2nd opinion with another ENT to try to figure out how to improve this. Unfortunately, have to wait 2 weeks for appt.

[Solarm in reply to AllNewtoThis]

Anxiety is like that, it can be very up & down but that's better than all day every single day. I take comfort in knowing that it's treatable and it won't be forever. Glad you're getting a second opinion, hopefully you'll get answers that will help start getting yourself back on track. Try not to dwell on the 2 weeks & see it more as something to look forward to

[Hidden]

I am glad you found your way here, and its okay to feel however you are feeling. I know none of us want to feel the negative emotions but hey it's life right? I believe you will find help here for I know I have. I am sorry for all you have had to deal with. Welcome and my thoughts are with you

[AllNewtoThis in reply to Hidden]

Thank you for your reply and thank you for saying that. I feel so vulnerable and so weak. This is not the person that I have ever been. I've always been the caretaker, not the one who needs to be taken care of. This is so hard.

I'm trying to find the lesson in all of this ... what am I to learn? How can I help others through similar difficult times? I am hopeful that fairly soon (though I've been cautioned it may not happen as soon as I'd like); I will feel better ... at least a little bit. I NEED sleep! Right now I need a lot of patience. Not easy!

Though I don't want anyone else to feel like I do, knowing I am not alone is comforting. Thank you for the welcome.

[Momtofour]

No help here with the sleep but as for the zoloft it can take up to 6 weeks to help. Now if you feel worse you may need a dose change or med change. For me when i take zoloft i have to start at 25mg and work up otherwise its too much too quick. Best of luck to you

[AllNewtoThis in reply to Momtofour]

Thank you, Momtofour!

This week I'm starting on a 1/2 of a 25mg tablet and I definitely feel it .... and I don't like it. Next week 25 and then up to 50, if tolerated. Six weeks seems like so long. Wish I would have started this weeks ago.

[TheloniousMonkey]

Sorry to hear about your struggles with sleep. I can relate. Ambien enables me to sleep through the night.

Re Zoloft, I have two friends who had great success with it, but it can take weeks to work. I was on it for a month or so when my doc increased the dose to 150mg. Now, after 4 weeks of that dose, I am just starting to feel better the last couple days. Much less depression, much less anxiety! But, as you know, everyone’s brain chemistry reacts uniquely with any drug/drugs. I hope you find the right cocktail for you!

[AllNewtoThis in reply to TheloniousMonkey]

Thank you, Monkey! Finding that right cocktail .... the magic words. Glad you are beginning to feel better.