Help

[AML82]

I’m Laura. I’m 23 and I have suffered from depression and anxiety my entire life. It has gotten to the point where I don’t care about myself anymore. I barely care to brush my teeth in the morning. I go outside and chain smoke cigarettes and drink way too much coffee. I don’t have any friends, so all I do is sit around imagining a happier life. My head hurts a lot too. I get shooting pains in all different places in my head throughout the day. I think it’s stress related, but i don’t know. I also get dangerously angry when someone does something that upsets me and I’m afraid that I’ll hurt someone one day in a fit of rage. I can’t afford a therapist so I came here. I know this post is kinda all over the place, but you get the point. Please reply with any encouraging words or tools that may help me. Thank you.

[Hidden]

Hey Laura, you have a friend now. Have you tried going for a walk or meditation?

[AML82 in reply to Hidden]

I’ve tried meditation a few times. It’s so hard to get my brain to quiet and focus. I always give up 10 mins or so in. I live in a bad area of town with lots of drug activity and crime and it’s so ugly with trash and needles all over the place it depresses me even more to walk around and look at it. I feel like I’m trapped in my apartment.

[Hidden in reply to AML82]

I smoke.ganja when I need to quite mind to meditate. There's no forest close you can go.for a hike in?

[AML82 in reply to Hidden]

I smoke weed occasionally, but lately it’s having opposite effects. It’s making me paranoid and anxious. About an hour from me there’s a park and some trails. My brain will kick on positively and say “go out and wander somewhere pretty” or something like that, but then seconds later my thoughts go negative again and my body falls into this slump physically and I won’t do what needs to be done to get there. Ie: getting dressed, driving, etc. I’m too tired to fight it anymore.

[Hidden in reply to AML82]

Bring nature to you, plant a garden, put a bird feeder outside your window so you can watch it. Try CBD instead of weed, that helps me some times the THC bothers me.

[AML82 in reply to Hidden]

I never thought of CBD to help me mentally. Good idea! Thank you for talking with me.

[Hidden in reply to AML82]

Any time I'm here whenever you need me just send me a message.🖤

[Purrsona in reply to AML82]

I find CBD really helpful for regulating sleep. I'm usually a bit slothlike the next day, but I wake up with a baseline of calm. Melatonin is good as well.

I also have the same problem with meditation. A friend advised me that the idea is not to stop your brain from chattering; it's to be able to let the thoughts pass through you without getting caught up in them. If you haven't already, try focusing on a boring point a little bit below your eyeline and breathing in and out slowly, counting up to ten each time and starting over as many times as you feel like.

By the way, I like the way you write. Have you tried keeping a journal or expressing yourself in a similar way?

[Purrsona in reply to Purrsona]

PS I second avoiding THC if it's not helping. It definitely doesn't have the same effect on everyone, especially if you're already feeling low.

[AML82 in reply to Purrsona]

I will definitely be trying CBD! Wow, I had no idea how to properly meditate. That makes much more sense and sounds easier on the brain. I journaled when I was younger, but never felt my writing was accurately describing my thoughts and emotions. I didn’t know how to put everything into words. I should try again now that I’m older. Thank you for bringing that to my attention. I greatly appreciate your advice.

[Purrsona in reply to AML82]

Good luck! I've read recently that a minority of people find meditation unhelpful and distressing unless they're doing it with someone who really knows what they're doing. I'm definitely in that minority, but this one technique worked very well for me.

[Marshall64]

Two things that have helped me is having some kind of routine and getting out of the house even if it is just going to a convenience store or something. I work at home but I still need to shower and look half way decent (don't got a lot here to with with) to go out. I feel better when I do get out.

You might want to see if there are anxiety or depression support groups. I went to one and it helped. There are using Zoom right now because of Covid. It doesn't cost anything. It is just a peer group of people talking about what is going on in their lives.

[AML82 in reply to Marshall64]

I created a schedule for myself last night. Now, the battle is sticking to it. I had not thought of a peer support group. I get nervous in person and feel embarrassed, but that would be a good exercise for me. Thank you very much!

[SunIsShining]

I really do get it, I’m 21 and I feel like I’m too young to have all of these issues, like life will never get better if it’s already started off so poorly. I’m not the paragon of health or anything but instead of engaging in my more dangerous habits (like smoking) I channel that energy into something productive. I originally tried working out and I am sooo not the type to enjoy working out but if I went everyday I got into a groove and was really feeling better. That lasted for like 2 weeks for a multitude of issues but the point is that when that became too much for me I journaled and when that became too much I meditated via coloring and when it all becomes too much for me I read or watch TV just to get my mind off of things. Distraction is my best tool for dealing with depression right now but coloring and journaling can actually help me move towards a healthy mental state so double bonus there

[AML82 in reply to SunIsShining]

I am so sorry you feel this way. I thoroughly understand. I wonder if it will ever change, but I know it has to start with me wanting to make a difference even if what I’m doing seems minuscule in the eyes of others. I believe every small step is important. I am working on talking nicely to myself and remembering I am enough. I am taking a medicine to help me try to quit smoking. I have a little hope it will work. I also enjoy coloring! Distractions are great and I hope you find your peace soon. Thank you for talking with me.

[JkBauer]

Hello Laura,

I am sorry that you going through this awful depression. I made a free phone call years ago to help me through some very tough situations, I thought I would never get through. They are trained counselors who care very deeply about you and can help get you on the right path. FOTF Helpline 18002326459 or 18553825433. I hope that you will give them a chance to help you like they helped me. - I am praying for you!

[AML82 in reply to JkBauer]

Thank you so much! I will absolutely call them.

[EuroJoy]

Hi Laura,

I am really sorry to hear what you are going through. And I do hope you find some encouragement from others here. I can only agree with one of the comments here below regarding a number where you can call in times of crisis - the FOTF crisis number. I have found help and hope there too, with trained, licensed counselors. The number again is FOTF Helpline 18002326459 or 18553825433.

I am not sure whether you believe in God or not, but I when I used to be in a very troubled state in my life I had met someone who showed me how to pray and seek God in times of trouble. And I can only say - God has not let me down! I do hope you find peace. Another point - try and cut down on coffee as it aggravates any anxiety or depression.

[AML82 in reply to EuroJoy]

Thank you! I do believe in God, but my faith has been shaken for a long time. Can you help me with seeking God a better way? I pray all the time, but it’s so tiring because it seems like I always get the exact opposite of what I’ve prayed for and I lose largely whether it’s financially or emotionally and mentally. It makes me think I’m such trash that God doesn’t want me to have even close to what I ask him for.

[lorianxiety]

Hi Laura, sorry hear of your feeling so low and useless;let me just say I know where your coming from and understand your pain!I should do spent the best half of my life in the same boat,life can be more worthwhile when you find a passion,something you really enjoy doing.Life only gets worse when we dwell on the gloomy side and that's hard to remove from our thoughts at present with the virus and violence etc,;Im hoping you will respond as I have felt bad for so long ,and I need to concentrate on helping others like yourself if I possibly can?

[AML82 in reply to lorianxiety]

Thank you Lori! Life hasn’t been easy, to say the least, but I took a leap of faith with my mom 6 months ago and moved to CO from Memphis, TN looking for a better healthier life. Covid hit as soon as we got here and messed everything up and I’ve been trying to understand why God put on my heart to come here just to end up in an area opposite of where I wanted to be. The area I’m living in now is worse than my home in Memphis in my opinion. I’m struggling with acceptance and patience the most.

[lorianxiety in reply to AML82]

hi Laura,sometimes it seems that life couldnt get any worse and things appear to be the case;perhaps as you said it could be frustration your carrying around with you and of course when like myself I had expected to travel before the end of the year ,but weather and still no contacts ,has dampened my spirits considerably,and of course this dreadful virus.It must be awful for you IM in Scotland and your now stuck for some time in another part of USA....accept is a good word as if you don't accept the awful feelings that accompany Anxiety,it becomes the dreaded monster it is not unlike tCovid.At the moment ,well all day I have been trying to understand my pc(laptop)its constantly throwing pop ups at me regarding anti virus etc etc,its driving me nuts and I do have patience ,that's slowly dwindling and IM a lot older than you-----do you get on ok with your mom,,,

[AML82 in reply to lorianxiety]

I’m sorry Covid has ruined your plans! I am working on meditation with the hopes it will help me be able to filter my thoughts. I hope you can fix your computer! I’m sure that’s very annoying. My mom is my best friend!!

[lorianxiety in reply to AML82]

Glad to hear your moms your best friend,and that meditation helps,that's what I need to work on to help my breathing technique.yes the Pc definitely has a virus ,but its not the end of the world though it seems like it .hope and pray this Virus ,dies a death soon,its so bloody invasive wherever it travels.take care and hope life begins to improve!!

[JkBauer]

Hello AML82, I am just stopping by to see how you are doing, today? I am praying for you!

[AML82 in reply to JkBauer]

Hi there! I am doing pretty good. I still have lots of bad days, but I’ve been steadily working on changing my perspective. Thanks for checking in!

[AML82 in reply to JkBauer]

Hope you are well!