Admitting I need help

[jb1993]

Hello, this is the first time I try to get help for myself. I’m a medical student, I don’t like going to others for help but as I get closer to graduating I noticed I’ve become more depressed and can’t get myself out of this hole.

I’m overly organized and a perfectionist but for the last few years nothing has been going as planned. I don’t like not being able to control things in my life. I don’t have much of a life outside of medschool.

I’ve never had a relationship before and I’m very lonely even tho I live with my family. I didn’t think I’d be this old without meeting anyone yet.

I spend everyday overthinking my past mistakes and crying about them, which ends up wasting my time. Sometimes I wonder if I’m being punished for the stupid things I’ve done.

I know they sound silly, and there’s too many little things piling up, but I don’t know how to get out of this. I’m sick of crying everyday and feeling like a worthless person. I hate sitting alone all day and not wanting to interact with anyone because of how little I feel. I know it’s not normal and I know I need help but I honestly don’t have time to get it and it’s too hard where I live. I think I just need to vent to someone that isn’t going to judge me or tell me It’s just a phase. I’m tired of taking care of everyone else without having 5 minutes for myself.

[SmilesLots]

Feeling guilty, blaming yourself is a symptom of depression. Try telling yourself that and tell the guilt to go away, it isn't real, it is the depression talking. Is there anything you could do to feel less lonely? Make an effort to have coffee with a friend once a week or something like that?

[Rpan]

We cannot control our emotions. We can’t change the past either. We just have to accept our past and not make those same mistakes. As your nearing graduation it likely fear is leading you to these unsettling feelings, which leads us to put our lives under a microscope. That is just a trap. We can’t fix the past. We can make amends if we should do desire depending on the circumstance. We have to settle into a routine that puts our emotional well being first. It really sounds like you need to find things that will help you feel balance. Exercise can be a great place to start, 30 minute run will recharge the battery. As far a feeling alone, just start simple conversations with anyone anywhere, not talking about science. Your not alone on this forum, so keep talking

[jb1993]

Thank you so much for your replies.

I don’t have time to go out with friends, they’re just as busy as me studying for exams. I’ve also isolated myself this past year and haven’t really spoken to that many of my friends.

I also don’t like to burden my family or friends with what I’m feeling it makes me uncomfortable to speaking them them.

I’m really glad I looked up some forums and found this app. There are no free support groups out where I live, I think this is just what I needed.

[jb1993]

I’ve always wanted to be a doctor. There’s nothing else I can see myself in. But it is getting really lonely and depressing to see that most of my colleagues are meeting people and I just can’t seem to meet anyone. I would never change going into to medicine.