I almost killed my self today.

[BrandiJo]

Call me too sensitive. Call me a cry baby. Call me someone who needs tougher skin, sure. Whatever you call me or say doesn’t matter, I know what God calls me and what he says about me. The only thing I hold on to is the fact that I believe that savior Jesus Christ has a better life after this shit hole.

I’m the one you see in the hallways gleaming with joy. I’m the one you barely know and you’ll still get a hello from me every time I pass you. I’m the one who becomes passive when someone else has an idea, because I’m desperate for human connection, and to be liked. I’m the one who will sit there with a stranger for hours listening to their problems just so they can know that someone cares. Yet it’s always the happy ones with the darkest secrets.

But.... no one ever does that for me. Sure I get hellos and smiles here and there. But no one will go out of their way when they see the girl who is always smiling, crying. But no one ever asked, I mean REALLY asked if I was okay.

The paragraph above isn’t even completely true. It could be worse. I could literally have no one to go to, and THANK GOD that’s not the case. But still, even knowing I have loved ones if even just a handful. And still, even knowing God will give me eternity after I fulfill my purpose... I am lost and stuck and sitting in a bathroom stall(at work and at 25 yes old) having a meltdown like I’m in high school all over again. With bullies and people who glide right past you and don’t even look your way. “Managers” who don’t say thank you or apologize when necessary. Or people who think just because you’re a food server you are a SERVANT.

At this point I’m rambling. This certainly isn’t “13 Reasons Why” with a beautiful and orderly display of emotions and angst. It’s real. It’s messy. It’s never the whole truth.... because a person with mental illness is so sick that the full capacity of pain felt is so hard to explain.

My point here is that I’m alive. I survived another day because I know God is holding my hand and my mom, stepdad, and girlfriend will be at home waiting with open arms. Even if they are part of the problem...but I would never put that blame on them. After all, I’m the one who’s sick.

I need to tell you that OTHERS NEED YOUR LOVE AND CARE.

DO NOT PASS A PERSON WHO LOOKS DISTRAUGHT WITHOUT OFFERING HELP....TWICE.

DO NOT BULLY OR JUDGE OR ASSUME

DO NOT AVOID SAYING HELLO OR SMILING AT A STRANGER... you just don’t know who’s life you could save. ❤️🙏🏻

God Bless you all. So much love to you.

[Hidden]

That is deep.

[Strongheartforever]

You have the ability to do some powerful work within yourself and in healing others. Your empathy comes from knowing how deeply one can be hurt by another, but also how deeply one can be HEALED by another. You have the key to transcend and evolve and have a purposeful and rich life. You are a healer. You are a spirit worker. Like Jesus, a man with human frailty, who rose from the most horrible pain and torment one could imagine. But he surrendered to what was. You’re there. Down on your knees. We all get there at times and the only way out is THROUGH. You’re 25. Still figuring it out. Don’t give up. Freedom will come but you must earn it. Get out of food service, it’s so taxing on the soul. Find your highest skill, serve others with it. A different kind of “service” to the world, one that you feel passionate about! What sparks you, what makes you feel alive and comes naturally? Hang in there. You’re getting closer every day to a better life.

[BrandiJo]

I don’t have the mental energy to give the proper response... but please know that you are a blessing and I am so touched by what you’ve said. All I can say is thank you, thank you so much. ❤️

[Strongheartforever]

I’m so touched by that, thank you. I’m so glad you heard the message. It’s not something you can answer right away or overnight, it’s a lifelong quest but you gotta start asking the right questions. You’ve already asked yourself some good ones. Life is constant change. You’re being pushed out of nest after nest. “What next??” Life says. “don’t get too comfortable here because you deserve MORE and you’re gonna get MORE good stuff.” So what are you seeking? More purpose, less pain. More spirit, less superficial. Grow or die. These are your 2 choices. This earthquake underneath you feels scary, and you’re gonna be somewhere else when it stops, but have faith!! Steer the ship Captain!! You have WAY more power than you give yourself credit for. Nothing can be gained or won without self respect. Always be true. I see that comes naturally to you. Always be kind. Toward yourself, too. What would be an ideal day for you, being productive and making a difference in the world and bringing joy and freedom and trust to others? Here are 2 books to get you started: “How to Get from Where you Are to Where you Want to Be” by Jack Canfield and “What Color is Your Parachute?” It’s time to go inside and point yourself in a direction. Focus on joy, what will bring it. You’ll get what you’re searching for. You deserve freedom from this pain. I know you’re going to transform this pain into purpose and your spiritual path will take you toward peace. Trust. There’s a passage in the Bible that goes something like, “If you’re faithful with a little you can be trusted with a lot.” Be faithful. So much abundance awaits you!!!

[BrandiJo in reply to Strongheartforever]

Who are you? Can we be friends? ☺️ hahaha! You’re a beautiful speaker... and it means the world to me that just from one post you can see a part of my soul. I can’t thank everyone on this post enough. You’ve left an imprint on my heart. ❤️

[Strongheartforever in reply to BrandiJo]

Yes we can be friends!!

[BrandiJo in reply to Strongheartforever]

Hahaha yes! You sound well educated. Are you a professional?

[Marshall64]

That was beautifully written. You may only be 25 years old but you are a wise soul.

As you can see, there are others that are here for you. People who genuinely care. For the inconsiderate toxic people in your life, pray for them. Pray that these people find happiness. Those prayers may or may not be answered, but YOU will feel better.

Hope things get better for you.

[BrandiJo in reply to Marshall64]

I thank you Marshall, to see the responses I’ve gotten blows me away. It’s amazing how alone you can feel.... and then I turn around and see so much heartfelt support.... from people I don’t even know. How cool is that? I took your advice, Marshall. Thank you for being one of the different ones 👍🏼

[sgnasandy]

Gracious .. I hope you are seeking counseling .... you don't have to suffer like this . Trust me oh how I suffered for years before getting professional help.AND I live with a psychologist but I just hid it from everyone .. you can be better and actually those who have the lord in their lives seemed to really do well at least that's what we see in our psych practice . Don't settle , face your fears , educate yourself and pray !

god bless

[Hidden]

That was beautifully said..I'm here for you anytime!!! Here's a big hug!!! XXX

[KimmieV]

You matter to me! Your post made me feel like someone does understand! Wish my kids could read it! Maybe they would have more respect. Hang in there! God's not ready for you yet!

[pink83737]

Hope you are okay! I’m here if you ever need to talk.