The overwhelming friend. : People often... - Anxiety and Depre...

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The overwhelming friend.

babatundae profile image
babatundae

People often leave my life. Majority of the people say it’s because it’s too overwhelming and it’s effecting their mental health. All I ever needed was support. Besides a medical professional. Friends so that I can feel normal. My family is caring and loving but I’m still unable to truly talk to them. That’s all I ever hear. That it’s too draining, even though I’m the one going through it. It’s another validation for me to continuously put myself down. Im too much but I feel like I’m nothing. How do you appear less needy when you need someone to talk to? I feel like a monster some times other days I feel like cancer. A disease to everyone. Im constantly upset with the same issues all the time. I cant prevent it. I feel so angry with myself because I often tell myself I’m not depressed and anxious. That this is all an act for attention. The attention seeker that I am. I’ve convinced myself to the point I don’t know if I truly have depression or I’m just being an attention seeker. An emotional wreck for people to love and care about? I guess the mission to feel loved. Not just knowing but to actually feel loved is something I long for. It’s pretty sad that I know my family loves me but I don’t feel the love. They do the best they can and I hate myself because it’s like I’m never satisfied.

11 Replies

I’ve always felt like it’s worth a try to set or change the tone in a relationship- treating others the way I want to be treated. And when people aren’t the way we wish they were, give them the benefit of the doubt. Be patient, be kind, and be understanding that they have stressors in their life too. Ask them how they’re doing. And when they ask you in return, introduce things slowly, one at a time. Pick your main stressor and save the rest for next time. And always thank them for listening. You’ve got this!

That is good advice. Are you arnold palmer the golf legend? Once a long time ago your car was parked in front of my house. I figured you had a daughter at St. Mary's. Anyway, even if you're not THAT arnold palmer, you give good advice.

I’m just a normal human who really likes the Arnold palmer drink- half tea, half lemonade😉 but thanks!

Im the best friend I can be when it comes to my friends. Or the friends I used to have. I go over and beyond for them but rarely do they move an inch for me.

You're definitely not doing this to seek attention. Who would freely choose to feel and behave this way?

Do you think you could do some volunteering in your area? It would be great therapy for you to do some good for others, and you'll meet new people who are usually pretty nice. It would be a good change of scenery, both mental and physical.

babatundae....it's not your fault society has a lot of sh*t people who only care about themselves. Most people are easily overwhelmed with their own stuff these days and have little time to listen to anyone elses. It's no reflection on us, we just have to learn to be more selective who we talk to. Our disease isn't yet socially acceptable in many ways to a lot of people, and because we carry most of our scars on the inside, nobody knows how injured many of us really are. It's their problem to remain ignorant, or in all fairness, they just have so many of their own problems, they don't have time to care about anyone else's.

There really isn't anyone out there but a few who don't have problems in one way or another to deal with, so we have to remember that even though our issues are important and we need validation too, sometimes people we think are friends just don't have it to give. A real friend wouldn't judge us , and except's us warts and all....but they are very few and far between for anybody in this world. You can seem to have lots of friends, but most are acquaintances really, or fair weather friends. That's where boundaries come in. Like rings around you....the inner most circle of friends are your true friends...and are usually very few at any time in your life, other friends you do things with like go to a movie or have a coffee, and some you just say hi to in passing.

I have been told that "depression is contagious". That's the way people feel. They are afraid to be around you if you're depressed or it will bring them down. These are fair weather friends and I for one don't need them.

I know exactly how you feel. I'm very close to my mother-in-law - she is my greatest support. But she is always telling me what a burden I am to her and she doesn't want to be responsible for me. We spend 2 days a week together and she complains about what else she could be doing, etc. That hurts. I don't want to be a burden to anyone but I need contact with other people. I am terrified to be alone most of the time. I don't know why. There is no reason for me to be afraid, but still I just can't stand to be alone for very long. I try to be as pleasant as I can be and think that I am good company but I'm never quite good enough. My own family neglects me. I rarely ever hear from them. Sometimes I think it is because of the suicide attempts I have made. They don't want to be close to me because I may kill myself and they would have to go thru that grief. But I've promised not to do it again, to no avail. I'm very lonely and have terrible anxiety I call "the terror". Do you have anxiety too?

Yes I do have anxiety. Which makes forming relationships hard. Although these people have left and gone I can’t help but to feel like a burden.

Do not feel like you are a burden. You have an illness that people can't see. If you had a physical disease like muscular dystrophy they could SEE it and would be more understanding and helpful. But we have invisible illnesses and therefore it is difficult to find any empathy in the general population.

You are NOT a burden. Don't think of yourself that way. You are someone with an illness or illnesses that people don't understand or recognize because they can't SEE it with their eye. If you had a physical condition, like cerebral palsy they could SEE it and would be more compassionate toward you. It is NOT YOUR FAULT you are the way you are. Avoid shallow people. They will only hurt you.

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