Feeling conflicted

[CalicoPurpl90]

I just had my first in person appointment with my therapist Mr.Cooper yesterday afternoon. It was a little bit stressful driving over there and a little uncomfortable trying to talk with a mask on the entire time. I appreciated getting a chance to meet him in person, but given the discomfort with wearing a mask throughout the session, I'm thinking I might decide to switch back to having our sessions over the phone. After meeting him in person, it seems like he might even be younger than me. That has me a little bit concerned as to how effective he might be for me as a therapist. It is a little bit challenging for me to open up during therapy sometimes which I have mentioned to him. I often feel him waiting on me to share and on more than one occasion I felt like he was trying to wrap things up early and I am not sure why as I am pretty certain my sessions should be at least 45 minutes. I will bring this up to him politely as I don't want to feel like my time is being cut short. I am a little bit picky when it comes to finding a therapist as I need someone that I connect well with, that understands anxiety well, and a therapist that takes a more active approach. Should I keep trying to work with Mr.Cooper or consider finding someone else? Any thoughts?

[Hidden]

How old are you Calico ? If you feel unsettled due to age there is no reason why you cannot in some way with your Doctor. However I put it down in a different way. I am nearly seventy now and to be honest getting a Therapist older than me could be ringing the door-bell at the pearly gates. I do however understand how you may be feeling

I do not know what to suggest regards the time allowed you get at each appointment however if on occasions He goes over the time allowed that may be another way of looking at the time allowed. I remember in the past in my case if the appointment reached a pause in your discussion it may be there is nothing more to say at that time left.

However you need to know how long the appointments last, ask ? In a nice way, you will in some way possibly paying for your appointment

Good luck

BOB

[CalicoPurpl90 in reply to Hidden]

Thanks Bob.

I am currently 29 and will be turning 30 in two months. My therapist seemed like he may have been about 25, so a few years younger than me. My previous therapist before him signed me off as a patient and just put me down for a six month follow up. She felt that I wasn't really needing her help and had good coping techniques. I disagreed as I felt that my appointments with her were not consistent enough so I couldn't really get anything out of them during our sessions. Even though I feel ambivalent with my current therapist, I am thankful to at least have weekly appointments with him. I just feel that I need a therapist that will challenge me a little bit and that understands anxiety well. Back when I was still searching, I tried looking outside of my insurance for a provider to find someone really good, but they unfortunately wanted to charge too much and it was more than I was willing to pay. I told him I was willing to dig deeper with him as a patient. I will try and be a little bit more prepared for the next appointment as I didn't have adequate time to prepare for our appointment yesterday. It is my understanding that most insurances cover 45 to 50 minute therapy sessions, so we shouldn't be wrapping things up after 30 minutes I don't think. I will bring that up though.

[Hidden in reply to CalicoPurpl90]

I live in the UK so things are quite different, sessions can be rationed to ten/twelve sessions and when you have been instructed on coping techniques and you are coming to terms with those problems you are Depressed or Anxious about we get moved on

The problem is I understand CBT can only go so far and it can be down to the patient to take control of their condition and move on accordingly, possibly taking medications over the short medium term.

You mention your Therapist is a little younger than yourself. Believe me when I say He have most probably heard it all even at that early age. So it may be a good idea to carry on with these sessions for as long as possible within reason.

We all go as deep as we feel comfortable with however in a way you are of the same generation and that can rule in your favour. I am seventy and I find it difficult to talk to someone in your generation, Ask yourself how you would feel if your sessions were with a sixty year old. Give this Therapist a chance

BOB

[CalicoPurpl90 in reply to Hidden]

Thanks Bob.

I am giving this therapist a chance. I've had a few sessions with him so far although they have been phone sessions. I was just starting to get more comfortable on the phone and then I decided to go in person earlier this week since the office had opened up, although he gave me the choice to do a phone session instead if I felt more comfortable. I wanted to get a chance to meet him in person so it almost felt like our first session all over again seeing him in person for the first time. I have had previous therapists that were close to the sixty year old range and my sessions with those therapists definitely felt different. I still gradually opened up to them once I got more comfortable, however, I have been able to open up to my current therapist a little bit more easily and I feel it may have partly to do with this therapist being within my age range. I will see how things go.

[Sunflowerxxxxxx]

I would certainly bring up the time issue thats important, but the fact that your therapist is slightly younger than you im sorry but that has no relevance what so ever🙂

[CalicoPurpl90 in reply to Sunflowerxxxxxx]

LOL. Yeah, you're probably right Sunflower. My therapist being slightly younger than me probably doesn't really have any relevance as far as his skill set and field of expertise as a therapist is concerned. He has actually provided some useful resources for me which has not always been the case with past therapists. I will bring up the time issue and see how things go.

[Hidden]

This is completely up to you and what you feel comfortable doing.

[EleanorRose]

The age thing is a really tricky one.

On the one hand, I know I’d feel exactly the same as you. I have seen 3 therapists over the years - I am your age and the first two therapists I saw were much older than me, in their 60s. One was ok, the other was a really bad experience. Then my most recent therapist, I’d guess was around 33/34 and I was a little hesitant to begin with because there wasn’t such an age gap but, for lots of reasons, she was the best by far and if I was to return to therapy, I’d definitely want a slightly younger therapist.

The other thing I always think about is my own job. I do always worry that people think I’m not going to be as good because I am younger than some of my colleagues (and look even younger than I am which I don’t see as a positive 😂) But actually, amongst the staff, I am often used as the ‘example’ for what people should be doing - which I hate and is embarrassing - BUT, the point i’m making is: I’d be devastated if someone was disappointed to have me just because of my age.

[Hidden]

I believe part of the deal isn't just a person's age, but what is their personality like? Do they really listen to You? I am understanding that you're a woman. As an almost 50 year old woman myself (yikes!!!), I'm really more comfortable talking to a female therapist about certain things than a guy. But that's just me.

[CalicoPurpl90 in reply to Hidden]

I hear you on that one. I have found there are certain issues I am more comfortable talking with a female therapist with than a male therapist. I just try and be open minded to the fact that I know they are there to listen without judgment to what I have to say. If I find a topic uncomfortable I usually speak up and say so, but I am also aware that sometimes even uncomfortable topics can be necessary to talk about. It is usually a process I think.