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Anxiety and Depression Support
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New here but feeling lonely and helpless

Don't really know where to start, but my husband of two years has recently been dealing with depression and possibly a mid life crisis and is constantly back and forth between wanting to continue our relationship and thinking he doesn't love me. We have discussed splitting up about 3-4 times now, but these last few times I have felt like he needs me to fight for him. And when I ask, he says yes, that's what he wants and that we won't make any decisions until he gives his medication and therapy time. But, he keeps pushing me away. Saying very hurtful things and constantly acting like he doesn't want this. Today he said he's just here waiting for me to get some things financially figured out to be able to stay in our house if/when we split up. I am trying to tell myself to have no expectations/hope, but I'm struggling. On top of all this, I found out a couple weeks ago that my dad has cancer again and it doesn't look good. I am trying to be strong for everyone else all while I'm breaking and just want someone to be here for me. I thought maybe just getting it all out there may help me feel a little better. I'm just in a place where I don't really feel like I have anyone or the people I have, I don't want to worry about me. I just don't know how long I can hang on :(

If you're still reading, thank you!

25 Replies
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Am sorry u having a rough time sorry about your dad

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Thank you! Truly. It's been the worst year and although I try to tell myself there are so many other people struggling with worse things than I, it's hard to not feel overwhelmed with it all. Sometimes just getting it out there helps.

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I understand what u saying and am praying things get better for u. I been struggling since 8 and I use alcohol to numb my feelings and I want to break up with my bf and tried of a lot of stuff right now

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I'm so sorry you're struggling as well. I will keep you in prayer also! Everyday is a new day and I try to focus on just making it through those 24 hours

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I try

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Just keep trying!

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Am tried of the hangovers depression anxiety ptsd and derealization and depersonalization and most days am just numb

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I know all about depression the best thing u can do for your husband is to just be there for him because depression plays games with our head look up bignoknow on YouTube he have done helpful information

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Thank you so much! I am trying. Everyday. I just feel like I'm hurting myself in the process

I hope you find the help you need to overcome. You are very sweet to respond

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I will try my best to listen to u and be here for u and please make sure u taking care of yourself

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That means a lot to me. I will try to be here for you too and hope you are taking care of yourself also. I know its a lot easier said than done. Just having a neutral person to listen, helps.

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Thank you and u right

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Hiya, so sorry to hear about your difficulties. I do think you need to look after yourself, your own physical and mental well being and to show yourself kindness and compassion. You will then be in a better place to support your husband (if that is indeed what he wants) and your dad but, more importantly, you will be better able to support yourself. Your own needs and hopes and wishes deserve to be nutured and respected. Take care,

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I am so sorry to hear this, it must be so so difficult for you. You need to remember that you need your support too.. I completely agree with Sebastian58 on this.

Maybe your husband should try counselling so you can almost share the problem rather than him putting all of the pressure on you to be there for him.

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He is going back to therapy but they can’t get him in for 3 weeks 😔. I found this same problem the last time he said it was over and I was feeling out of control. I couldn’t find anyone to see me on short notice so I got into my doctor and am now medicating. Doesn’t seem right, but what can you do?! Thank you so much for replying. It really means a lot to me to be able to get my feelings out there

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Oh that's really annoying! Hopefully he'll improve once he's had a few sessions. Is he on medication also? Just don't forget about your needs as I can imagine it must be so draining. You're completely welcome!!

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He is. And we’ve actually found an awesome doctor that calls and checks in with me daily to see how the new medicine is working. I’m cautiously hopeful I guess.

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Loosing people you care about deeply can be beyond your control and is very difficult to endure to the point that it's likened to cocaine withdrawal. Sebastian58 is right. The best thing you can do is take care of yourself. Eat right, excercise and get enough sleep, to get that good chemistry in the brain so as to prevent negative thoughts. But if you do get them, learn how to challenge them. There is a future that suites you, one that you can take control of, and build for yourself. Clear your head of the negative thoughts so that you can plan for your future. You so much deserve everything that life has to offer xx

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Hi there my friend. I hate to assume, but is your hubby a drinkin' man?

And, if so, is it more than just a couple?

Sorry to seem intrusive, but my response may be different if he's a drinker.

I am really sorry you are going through this hell.

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He is not. So I guess I can be glad he hasn’t turned to drugs or alcohol

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Hi and welcome to the group ,you are definately having a rough patch just now ! Whilst your husbands been diagnosed with depression have you asked if you can both councilling for his depression to better understand whats driving his depression ! I think you maybe should seek counseling to see if that maybe help matters ! You are being so strong and i believe youve got the strength to help your husband beat this take care and all the best !

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I have asked if he would like to see a therapist together. He said possibly but his feelings/moods can literally change on a dime.

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At least he seems receptive to the idea maybe in time he will even agree to councilling ! Take it one step at a time so he doesnt feel pressured into it and you will hopefully get a better result ! I wish you the best of luck david !

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My first comment would be therapy (including marriage counseling if you are not doing it together and medication) but it seems you have already started those steps, so kudos to you. Sometimes the hardest part is admitting depression, this is exceptionally true for a man who society tells them they are supposed to be rocks. The truth is we as men are humans and get depressed, but having someone to fight along/help makes a huge difference even if you don't see it. As a man we sometimes are not good at revealing our emotions so try not to force but nut let the therapist/counselor coax out those feelings, this prevents you from being perceived as "naggy" or interfering though you are only trying your best to help. I think during counseling it is important to let your partner know that their mental health affects yours due to worry because you care so much, and that he truly has people who are there and care for him. Also remember to take care of your own mental health, the stress of helping others can be extremely hard to bear, so you may need to seek some private therapy for yourself to help you with this situation.

All the best,

Ice9

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I’m reading all of these comments with tears in my eyes. Thank you all so much!! Just having someone to listen and being able to get MY feelings out there, helps. I feel like I have to be strong all the time. For everyone. So I find I’m withdrawing from everyone for fear of breaking down in front of them. I know the things I need to be doing and I try but I’m obviously struggling myself. Today’s been a little better so I’ll count my blessings and hope for another good one tomorrow. Thank you all again. I definitely need to be here.

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