How to deal with feeling jealous

[Expo123]

I'm grateful for the people on this site and I'm hoping to get some advice from a few of you. Throughout my life I've always had very low self-esteem which has led to depression and anxiety. I'm in the midst right now of one of the longest periods of depression I've ever had together with very bad anxiety. I've never made much of my life and am feeling like I am without hope in pretty much every aspect of my life. I've mentioned in previous posts that my nephew has been living with me for the last year or so (those posts were related to my frustration about him not asking how I'm feeling when I told him for the first time what a hard time I'd been having with my depression). This post however is more in regards to the feeling of envy I have when I see his daily life. I feel so terrible for admitting it, and I am sincerely happy for all the things he has in his life because he has worked hard for them and deserves every one of them. Usually when I am depressed, I avoid people because it makes me feel worse about myself. I would rather be alone than have to hear about all the friends people have, the exciting work opportunities that have opened up for them, etc. etc. It is painful to know that I don't have these things in my life but I can separate myself from other people when it becomes too much of a downer. With my nephew however, since he's living with me, I hear a constant stream of recaps on a daily basis. He is working towards a career he has always wanted and is only one year away from graduating, he is in a relationship with someone who really loves him, he has a lot of friends, he is always going out, people celebrate his birthday with him, want to hang out with him, etc. I guess you get the point. I want him to have all these things but it makes me even more conscious that I have nothing, and I'm embarrassed when he sees how little I have going for me. Just wondering if anyone out there can understand how I feel and provide some advice. I feel almost nervous when I know he'll be getting back home because I know I will have to listen to more stories that make me feel badly about myself. I realize that makes me sound like a horrible person. Maybe there's a difference between jealousy and envy. I think jealousy is when you don't want a person to have good things happen to them. This is not at all the case. I think it's more envy. I just wish I could have one or two of these things for myself. Sorry for the long post. This has been a brutal time and I'm just trying to get through one day at a time. I try telling myself that maybe I'm seeing this because it's supposed to teach me something about the changes I need to make in my life. I'm just so tired from the depression that I can barely get myself out of bed every day.

[teen_anxiety]

One idea I thought of is to do at least one thing specifically together each day and at the end of the day to find a set amount of things you both have or did in common.

[Expo123 in reply to teen_anxiety]

Thanks so much for your reply. ❤️

[teen_anxiety in reply to Expo123]

your welcome

[Hb2003]

Oh my goodness I could have wrote this. My sister has friends gets to hang out have fun I can relate to this

[Expo123 in reply to Hb2003]

Thanks for your reply Hiba. It always helps to know someone understands.

[Hb2003 in reply to Expo123]

Your welcome 🙏 😄 . That’s true

[Hidden in reply to Hb2003]

I have been through this lots of times in life as well.

Jealousy in itself isn't some nasty nasty thing that needs to be avoided at all costs!

I feel jealousy over those things are a sign that you want them for yourself and are interested in them as if you weren't interested it wouldn't bother you.

[samack]

No reason to feel alone in this.. Idon't have a nephew, but I feel that way with everyone now, because of just what you described. I missed out on my own life. I'm working towards letting this go but boy its tough!

[Expo123 in reply to samack]

It sure is. I'm sorry you're dealing with those same feelings. Thank you for your support. Hope you feel better very soon.

[Hidden in reply to samack]

Yes it's difficult isn't it but it will get easier over time.

[Not_Free]

If I had advice for you, I'd probably know how to solve the issue in my own life. I too find that my depression is closely linked with envy - the people I live with have so much fun together and are always doing things without me ... my head knows it's all good, but I feel so alone and left out and when we are all together they're frequently talking about the many things they've shared while I was home alone.

It's really hard. I feel your pain.

[Expo123 in reply to Not_Free]

I'm sorry you are going through this too. Are the people you live with friends or family members?

[Not_Free in reply to Expo123]

Friends

[Hidden in reply to Not_Free]

It's to do with the fact that you want the same things and opportunities that they have and it hurts when others get things and you don't.

[Not_Free in reply to Hidden]

That’s probably true … I also think ii internalize it as yet another rejection

I have to forgive those in my past who have hurt me …. And silly as it may sound, those who hurt me without even doing anything objectively wrong because I perceive it as intentional

[Hidden]

Admitting you have a problem with jealousy is the hardest thing to do so well done!

I think everyone has episodes in life when they feel left out and cut off from others.

I can remember having an upset back in 2018 when my parents took my sister and her husband to Paris and I was jealous as well and what it was that upset me was that I had only wanted the same things same as you do.

One way to deal with the jealousy is welcome it in like an old friend and think of it as a gift as its letting you know what you are interested in and it's not wrong to want the same as others and perhaps when you feel left out reach out to someone else who might be lonely and invite them for a drink and if they don't want to know or can't make it it's not the end of the world and the main thing is that you reached out and tried.