lockdown

[sachoo]

during the pandemic and lockdown, i've been even more depressed and low

i have seen friends as restrictions lifted and i've exercised

but still i feel so terrible

and it's constant

i don't even remember my last decent day

i went for a jog this morning and thought it would make me feel a bit better but no - not even an ounce better

i feel so lost and feel i'm drowning in this feeling

i hate it

i just want to see some light in this darkness

[Hidden]

You will find light again. Sorry you’re going through this ☹️

[sachoo in reply to Hidden]

that means a lot❤️

[Perriex]

Don't give up searching for things that will make you feel better. I always recommend music on YouTube. There are lots of videos with "binaural beats" -- you can look for the ones for anxiety and depression.

Try and find areas you can work on. For me, exercise does help, but since it doesn't for you, maybe look at nutrition or sleep.

I know how hard it is when nothing seems to help. Just try and focus on getting through each day, each hour, if needed.

♡♡♡

[sachoo in reply to Perriex]

thanks so much for your message xx

yeah i definitely need to find new ways that help with my depression in the long term

hope you're well

[Perriex in reply to sachoo]

I am hanging in there. Had a good weekend, now today was rough again. Searched YouTube for more videos on dealing with anxiety.

#akf (Always Keep Fighting)

[sachoo in reply to Perriex]

i'm sorry today was rough, but at least there's reassurance in knowing you have good days, therefore knowing this shitty feeling is temporary x

keep fighting too!!

[Perriex in reply to sachoo]

Yes! And that is so important. Remembering that there are good days (or at least better days).

♡

[maybex]

I so understand you. Im not able to push myself to exercise or do anything for that matter. You should be glad that you're able to do it. Give yourself credit for the little things you do. Be it just a jog, for that matter.

[sachoo in reply to maybex]

thanks for your reply 😊

yeah most days i can't push myself to do anything because i'm so demotivated and exhausted and feel what's the point but i was able to push myself that day and hoped it would make me feel better but it didn't

but i appreciate that and i guess i need to be less hard on myself x

[Daiwalker]

Hi Sachoo! I too have "the black dog" but thankfully it is, at present, tamed. (If that sentence doesn't make sense you need to read _Taming the Black Dog by Patrick Ellverton_ )

Depression came first for me. Followed by anxiety. I wouldn't say I beat them both, I'd say I manage them much better than I used to. I firmly believe that is a better way of perceiving depression. Anxiety (at least for me) remains in check as long as I have a handle on depression.

Yes, I get days when I'm in a funk still but I'd say those days are far less frequent than they used to be. This isn't a brag, it's letting you know it won't always be the way it is right now. Things change. Don't lose hope in that fact.

I think everyone needs to find their 'thing' that helps them. It's a very personal thing. For me I found medication didn't sit well with me. Friends of mine have been medicated most of their adult life and so medication does work for them. I found meditation and mindfulness worked infinitely better for me. Being able to see my thoughts for what they are and be in that very moment just pulls everything into perspective. It's hard work but gets easier and now, when out for a run or a walk, I find myself really appreciating the small things in life.

I'm glad to read you are able to get out for a run and are using that time. Another thing I've worked hard at over the past 8 years or so is being happy with my own company. The reliance on others for my happiness means I have a link in my chain that I do not control (yes I sound controlling but hey, it's my life, why not control what I can?) I still have friends and family that I can visit but my reliance on them is zero. If I see them it's a huge plus but it isn't the end of my world if I'm sat alone for weeks on end.

I guess it's about a shift in our mentality toward our situations that counts. I don't know, maybe I'm just waffling but I thought I'd share some ideas. Maybe it will spark something in someone but ultimately - don't lose hope. Things always change.

[sachoo in reply to Daiwalker]

hi daiwalker,

firstly i wanted to say i'm so sorry for this terribly late response, i haven't been on this app for a long time, but i just came across your message

thank you for this, it was lovely to read

i'm also very grateful and proud that you have learnt how to deal with your 'black dog' and that it is at bay (even if it isn't currently, that's okay and you will keep fighting)

i am yet to find my 'thing' when it comes to dealing with my episodes - i tend to just wait for it to pass and spend the time sleeping and watching tv (i know, it's not ideal) - currently i am medicated so i guess that helps in not pushing me over the edge but of course medication is not a solution

i really resonate with you when you said you're happy with your own company - i too am so grateful to be okay with being alone, and even though sometimes i do feel i need external support, i know that at the end of the day, i can do it on my own

anyways, i'm very grateful for your message and i hope you're doing well

thanks again