Lockdown

[Magicdreamer]

Today, I feel like I'm all over the place, stuck in lockdown an illusion of 'what if's'.... The future. I'm battling to ground myself in the moment because I have these thoughts that I need to be somewhere else or doing something else, like I'm missing out on being happy. I'm battling to open my perspective today and to really understand that there is a place inside where my happiness resides and I fear I may never find my way there. Aargh! Full of control today and allowing seems like a heavy task. I feel like I'm in a storm of miserable doom and gloom. A frustrating swamp land. I hate feeling like this! Hmmmm, I'm going to get to know miserable. I just needed to read and speak out loud to hear my own message. 💚💐

[Starrlight]

I hear you. I can relate to those feelings of needing to be somewhere else doing something else no matter where i go and no matter what I do sometimes. Yes frustrating swamp land. Sending you perfect-where-you-are vibes(((((((((((((

[Magicdreamer in reply to Starrlight]

Mwah! Thank you, Hunni. 💚❣️💐

[Starrlight in reply to Magicdreamer]

❤️

[LilyAnnepuppy]

Getting to know miserable is akin to my practice of standing still and hurting. That was never something I wanted to do. So I ran from emotional pain. I can’t say it is something I enjoy doing today, but the running doesn’t work. Being comfortable in my own skin means accepting myself no matter what I’m thinking or feeling. Then I can change what I can and accept the rest.

[Magicdreamer in reply to LilyAnnepuppy]

I'm in a shitty shame storm right now so I will definitely re-read your message. I'm gonna lie down and just be with myself. Thank you ❣️💚

[LilyAnnepuppy in reply to Magicdreamer]

Shitty shame storms suck, but they pass. One of my thought training exercises included memorizing a long poem while I layed in bed in a fetal position. I picked The Raven by Edgar Alan Poe. Worked on it for months and months. I think I got to stanza seven or so.

“Ah, distinctly I remember, it was in a bleak December...”

[Hope1410]

I feel like that this morning as well. When this happens i try to use something or do something to distract me from focusing on all those negative thoughts. Easier said than done, I know. But know you’re not alone!

[Magicdreamer in reply to Hope1410]

Thank you.💚❣️

[MRawPR]

Ohhh I know where you’re at... I’ve been there too... so many times... I wonder if I’m where I should be. A battle against my wants and my family’s wants. We want to make everyone happy when we can’t make ourselves happy to begin with. Magicdreamer, I can tell you that the good thing about this feeling... yes there’s good in bad... is that we get the chance to make inventory of our lives and TRY to keep the good and DISCARD the bad hopefully... and that there are days when we are happy and need to embrace those moments. I hope you find a therapist with whom you feel comfortable and get the support you need.

Keep us posted! Hugs. M🌴

[Magicdreamer in reply to MRawPR]

Thank you, Sweetheart. This is the support I need right now. Thank you for helping me. In this moment is just pure confusion... I feel insane, like I'm in a dream and it's the first time I've actually been able to see that I'm in a dream while being in a storm. ❣️💚 That's courage, right?

[dom410]

I know what you mean. I'm glad you got it all out and expressed it!

((Hugs))

[Magicdreamer in reply to dom410]

Mwah! Thank you. 💚💐