What would you do?

[JaggedEdge]

My husbamd comes home and calls me a worthless ****. Over and over again. I have issues with electronics sometimes they make me nervous and I had unplugged the dish network dish. Its a part of my issues. He screams at me and calls me a **** and a ******* ***** and talks about how worthless I am. I am so tired of dealing with this. It doesn't help me at all. I dont know what to do or how to handle it when he does this. Any suggestions?

[benmaise]

Leave him as soon as you can. I know it's not easy but nobody deserves to be treated like that. Don't tell him what you are planning.

[hypercat54]

I would call him ******* back.

[JaggedEdge in reply to hypercat54]

I do. I'm not sure it helps. But at least I'm not rolling over

[Hidden in reply to JaggedEdge]

Use that energy for positive. Tell him it hurts and makes you feel tired. Tell him you dont want to be treated that way.

Im not blaming you at all and I know your words back are retaliation, but its only going to encourage him to treat you with disrespect if you treat him with disrespect. Its still wrong what he does. Its so awful! Find a way to walk away from that situation even if its to another room. You dont deserve to hear that. And he doesnt deserve to see you lose your dignity.

[JaggedEdge in reply to Hidden]

I know. I used to be that way for many many years. I didn't want to get down on that level but there came a point that I just couldn't do it anymore. Oh how I wish we could make up like we used too!

[Hidden in reply to JaggedEdge]

Youve done really well then if youve been so peaceable all that time. It sounds like youve just got so frustrated and overwhelmed. Im so sorry you've been in this situation. It sounds really disheartening. Do you know why he behaves that way? Is he stressed at work or overwhelmed with some other issue? Have you ever talked about what is going on in his mind? These things would CERTAINLY NOT be am excuse for his behaviour. Im just trying to think of solutions. (If you get to the bottom of it then you could also use that as a reason to explain that his abuse of you doesnt make his underlying problems any easier). Spouses are meant to be there for one another, not take things out on one another. His abuse towards you means you are going to find it so hard to be there for him when he needs you to understand. Hes not helping himself, but I applaud you for trying your best. So many wives would just give up all together either emotionally or just physically walk away.

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

*And by the way Im not saying its wrong to have distance if its needed. I think sometimes spouses need to break away and seperate temporarily when there is abuse. Im just saying divorce (which is different to seperation) shouldnt be seen as a quick fix.

[JaggedEdge in reply to Hidden]

25 years. And I thank you for your kind words. I have wished many times that he would talk to me and vice versa.

[Cb1963]

Boy,oh boy,if I was in your shoes and you could make alternative arrangements I would either leave, or tell him to pack his bags!!! I'm a Male and I'm fed up of ladies been spoken to like they don't exist, we are born equal, and knowing you have a problem with electrical items is hardly a crime of the century,its become obvious that its something that you struggle with, but to put up with the abuse,well,I don't remember that being on the marriage vows,we are put on the planet only once, and hopefully find someone to love, and reproduce and have children with, not to live in fear,or to wait and wonder what's the next line of abuse, if he can't keep a level head of conversation, or he won't listen to your anxiety problems, or anything else that needs listening to, why waste your breath, he's doing all the shouting at you,when really you deserve some peace, I truly hope you can sort out the problems, best of luck.

[JaggedEdge in reply to Cb1963]

Thank you so much for your supportive comments!!

[Cb1963 in reply to JaggedEdge]

Remember, I'm the other side of the world! But you definitely need some support, but don't rub him up the wrong way to cause any more arguments, it doesn't sound like an enjoyable marriage anymore,have you not got any female friends over their who could help out? unless you think you could 'change' your husband then it could be a difficult time for you, even posting messages on this website could make him wary, so just be on your guard,its so difficult when someone is looking for support, and the partner perhaps doesn't realise how bad their behaviour has become, I'm not excusing what he is doing by the way,perhaps he has now got into a routine, its just a horrible situation for you,and even if you mention marriage guidance he might blow his top!!! So you have to tread carefully, and see what other replies you get, not pleasant either way,I just hope you can get something sorted out.

[mvillarreal]

Leave. Now. Divorce papers can wait. Make no mistake: this is emotional abuse. It might not be physical, but it is just as traumatizing if not worse. Your safety and mental health are important, and your husband's name-calling do not protect your health and safety. And if he does the, "If you leave me, I'll kill myself" thing, don't take the bait. He'll be fine; that's a classic abuser tactic. Seriously, I would start packing, as such kinds of abuse can escalate to physical violence. If leaving begins to feel unsafe because of threats to you or your loved ones, I would call the police! I hope things get better for you soon, and I also hope your husband will reflect on his behavior and learn to treat everyone with respect in the future.

[Hidden]

Hopefully one day I will marry someone as loyal as you

[Pinkyandthebrain]

Leave while you still can, no one deserves abuse. X

[lizbeth_v]

You’re worth more than he makes you seem. Please try to find help for the both of you or so yourself a favor and leave him. I know it’s not easy but you deserve happiness and he’s not giving you that. I will pray that you both get the help you need and that you find the happiness you deserve

[Want2BHappy3]

That’s terrible, do you say anything back? Has he ever hit You? If he has You need to LEAVE. Sometimes It starts with Verbal abuse then ends up being Physical? You don’t talk talk like that to someone you Love. Deal with it ASAP 🙏

[Iammesues]

As I’ve written, I also experience verbal and emotional abuse. It’s easy for me to say leave him but this may cause you more anxiety. But, just consider it. Dream of it. It will feel good. I would not tell him your plans if you decide to leave. Pack while he’s at work. It’s a big change I know, but it’s the needed step for you to smile again. All of us here are with you and support you.

[Hidden]

It’s easy to say leave. But is that really the solution?

If you were to leave, Do you have somewhere to go, your own money and means to be on your own, do you even have means to check into a hotel room for a few days? Do you have a supporting system outside the home, friends, family, a therapist?

Has your husband ever been supportive of your mental health?

You asked what to do when he gets like this? Does he have anger issues in general or is this generally emotional and verbal abuse in which he’s normal outside the home but domestically abusive only inside the home?

He may need help with mental health himself. Tried couples counseling? Is the marriage good otherwise besides his outburst?

So many questions, so many ways to look at this. This is your marriage, your home, your lively hood. Others here in cyber space can quickly say do this or that, but how to actually deal with domestic abuse truly takes an approach that leads to resolving the underlying problem with both in the marriage. From experience if communication in the marriage breaks down, no amount of time, screaming and yelling at each other, going into other rooms to separate from each other will resolve the real problem.

I’ve been married 23 years, have had verbal arguments, many challenges that have tested the marriage, but communication is key. Loving each other unconditionally is something we choose, we also don’t call each other names (cannot say it has never happened and it will from time to time, we are human) but constant name calling is disrespectful and inexcusable, so my advice is not ask the question how do you live with emotional and verbal abuse, but how do you resolve your marriage or not, you have the right to be happy, live in peace and live a life where you grow old together and in partnership. If this was just a venting post I understand that too, but living this way day to day will burn you out, kill your soul and make for a miserable life. Best of luck and hope things in your life get better.

[Iammesues in reply to Hidden]

Well said.

[shodan95]

You deserve better now and you always have. The first thing I'd do is find a divorce lawyer and document the verbal abuse. This will help you should things get worse. Then I'd give an ultimatum...come to therapy and learn how to speak to me or I am going to leave you. Simply put, you should not stay with a person who tears you down. I've seen it happen to my mom. Your mental illness doesn't make you worthless. That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard. He's your husband. He should find ways to help you. One easy fix is putting critical electronic cables in behind the walls so you can't just plug them out. You need therapy and support and acceptance. Humans are weird and treating each other poorly because we don't understand someone else's weirdness is idiotic. I wish to one day find a wife as "weird" as you. I'd move us off grid and have no bills. For every insult you take, remember to give yourself a kind word. I wish you'd leave if this wasn't just an isolated incident.

[Dewy9698]

Please leave him.......And as soon as you can or he will completely annihilate you!

You deserve so much better, and keep telling yourself that!

He'll NEVER change. Trust me, I've been there.

Talk to a medical professional and they'll point you in the right direction to get the help you so drastically and urgently need.

🌻

[fauxartist]

call a divorce lawyer, make sure you get the house, and support. Pack his bags, put them on the front step and change the locks.

I'm painfully aware of how difficult and seemingly impossible it is in the beginning of trying to work everything out and how your going to proceed forward. I went to legal aid and got a lot of guidance on how to proceed without legal fees up the wazoo. It's amazing how you can file a lot of the paperwork yourself, and submit forms yourself. Lawyers often are not as invested in your needs as you would be yourself, so take lots of notes, photos, and dates and times of events that are leading you up to wanting a divorce. Knowledge is power so learn everything you can. Then quietly proceed on your own time and empower yourself to at least be trying to get this all worked out for your benefit. Believe me, where there is a will there is a way. One step at a time. It took us two years to get rid of the waste of space in my life and secure what was mine, and it was well worth it.