What to do?!

[MaraP]

So as I am currently without a job, I started to look for it, sent out resumes. Yesterday I needed to go to job interview, I managed to get to the building where interview had to take place but I couldn’t manage to get in. So afterwards I was sitting in the car bursting into tears hysterical next to my boyfriend about how messed I feel. I was suppose to have one more job interview today, but I canceled it, cause who am I kidding, I cannot do that.

I feel so worthless, I’m not studying, I don’t have job, I cannot manage to go places alone (shop etc.). It’s like I want to do to so much with my life, starting with having a new exciting job, but my body just keeps me stopping from it.

I never really taken any serious pills, so yesterday I started to think that I should go see psychiatrist, and maybe start taking some medicine. I was reading about antidepressants in internet, as I don’t know that much about it. And it did not make me happy. All the side effects, reading about how in first few weeks you can feel even worse, that it is sometimes possible that you cannot find right medicine who work for you with the first time. It all makes me uncomfortable as I don’t wanna do that to my body. I don’t wanna feel addicted to some medicine as it doesn’t feel like who I am.

I feel like going back to the dark place. I feel ashamed in front of my boyfriend because of everything he has to deal with being with me. Like there is no point of me in his life, only more things to do in life, as he needs to hold my hand almost everytime I step out the home. But he says that is all okay, that he loves me and is supportive.

Of course it is all not so bad as it was a year ago, and couple of days ago I was feeling good. But that was when my only plan was to stay at home, when I did not need to go to work. Now when I really need to start going on job interviews I have lost it. I feel depressed, I feel like I wanna run away somewhere cause I cannot stand my body and my anxiety stopping me from who I really am and what I want to do.

I just don’t know what to do, how to move forward.

[Sandia]

I would definitely consider talking to a psychiatrist and a therapist if possible. You should find out what options are out there for you and then make your own decision. You can’t always rely on what the internet says. I can relate to what you are going through, I was feeling this way about 6 years ago and I went to see the doc and started taking medication and seeing a therapist. You have to put your self first and take care of your mental health. I would look up free podcast on anxiety/depression and meditation videos on YouTube. Try and eat healthy and breath.

[MaraP in reply to Sandia]

I have been seeing psychologist for the past year (not so much recently as I was feeling better). I’ve also tried breathing exercises, yoga exercises, reading, listening to music. It all has helped a lot. But the issue which has stayed with me- I am unable to go places alone.

I wanna we able to solve that without medicine but recently I’m starting to think that I cannot. And it kind of breaks me.

[Sandia in reply to MaraP]

Don’t look at it that way, maybe you just need to take medication to get you through this last hurdle. It doesn’t have to be a negative thing and I wouldn’t look at it that way. Maybe medication can help you to get out and be able to go places alone. It seems like you are doing everything else so maybe this will be the missing piece. I’m on medication and I use to feel bad about it, like I failed and I couldn’t get better without it but it really helped me and I look at it differently now.

[hypercat54]

Hi taking meds doesn't mean you will become addicted or that you will suffer major side effects. Every drug has side effects including aspirin. Most people are only on meds short term which help them to feel a bit better and more able to tackle their issues.

If you broke your leg for example would you avoid painkillers? Or would you try and tough it out? Painkillers have side effects too you know.

Of course you can carry on as you are but you are not getting anywhere. If you don't want the medical route then there is only the self help one left. Have a look at mindfullness, meditation etc. Good luck. x

[Catwoman227]

I've been to Doctors and have been on all kinds of meds. I've learned that paxil and Trazadone works for me. It won't hurt to make a appointment and talk to a doctor. Hope you get the job .