Idk what to do

[2Scared]

I'm currently doing no contact with my partner after months of constant arguing. We had to restart the separation period after a month because I did something incredibly disrespectful and he (for reasons beyond me) still wants to work on things. I feel so alone and I miss him so much. I told my friends and felt soooo judged which has made me not wanna talk to anyone. It's only day 2 of no contact and I feel like I'm going insane. All I wanna do is cry and sleep. I don't wanna go to work, I don't wanna hang out or speak to anyone, I just wanna be with him. I know I have an insane anxious attachment on top of self-sabotaging, low self-esteem, PTSD, and anger issues. Idk how to pass these next 12 days. I don't know why he wants to stay with me either, I feel so ugly and worthless. Help pls...

[Agora1]

Hi 2Scared and Welcome to our support community.

It sounds like both you and your partner suffer from separation anxiety as well as

possibly attachment disorder. Have you ever been to couples therapy to work on

your arguing and issues in your relationship? Because you both feel the same in

wanting to be together, this may help iron out the issues keeping you apart.

It's so nice when both people want the same thing and yet something is very wrong

that you don't see eye to eye. There are many others on this forum who will join in

to advise you of their own experiences. Maybe you will find the answer that you're

looking for. xx I'm happy you are here with us.

[2Scared in reply to Agora1]

Thanks for the kind words We've tried couples therapy, but nothing seemed to work. It's bad to say but I think that this separation has had some benefit in helping me realize I probably won't find a guy that's as patient with me and all my mental issues as much as this guy. Usually im the pathetic one that forgives every horrible thing that's done to me in the relationship, so I have no idea what it's like to be on the other end. I just don't know how to combat the loneliness, I'm so co-dependent on other people for validation and it feels like I have no one rn. Idk what to do. How do you not go crazy over someone you currently can't be with. I dont wanna mess this up again

[012703060610]

It is great to come here for this exact reason. A few years ago my spouse did something that was probably unforgivable given the circumstances we were under. I kicked him out. Minutes later I am in total misery. I also have anxiety, depression, PTSD and a slew of physical medical issues. Yesterday he said it...he said; you are total reliant on me. I've accused him of the same in the past of being a puppy following me around. We are working through things because we cracked the nut on what was needed to be addressed in our marriage. You can do this. Keep distracted if you can.....I know I can get lost on this site for awhile! Movies you love! Try all of the breathing exercises or yoga (they don't work for me). And be ready for his return. He may come back with lots of questions, which is a good thing. The whole idea is to come back to each without arguing. It's hard for both of you, I'm sure. Here to support in anyway.

[2Scared in reply to 012703060610]

I hope we can be like you guys ❤️ I'm 24 but the thought of going through another breakup, starting over, and being with anyone other than him makes me sick to my stomach. I know I have self-esteem issues I need to work on that are exhausting to be around, so the idea that anyone wants to be around me other than to use me doesn't register. He told me before we did no contact "you think people that are married for 40 years never went through bad patches" so I'm trying to deal with my anxiety in a somewhat normal way so I can come back a better partner for him and a better person for myself. Thanks for your reply it really means a lot 🥰

[012703060610 in reply to 2Scared]

Oh I understand the real fear. When I was that age I had already been married and had it annulled. Starting over is hard but not impossible. I dated a wonderful young man in my 20s. He really did treat me like a queen. Later I find out, after years, that his Mother hated me. I knew we had no future then. I was probably itching towards 30. I took every dime I had saved and put down a mortgage on my own condo. I suddenly found myself alone for the first time since college. As I took the key to the condo to just do a walk through, I sat on a step in the condo and just cried and cried. It was two fold-one I was proud of what I had just done; two I didn't know how to be alone. Well I found someone new and we got married and he divorced through a loophole to force me into the state where the kids had to be legally. I was going to birth our third and have help from his parents, but indeed he had a plan. Kids are hard! Then I learned to be alone again and had pretty much given up. The divorce was cruel. Well, guess what, I am married again to a friend from 20 years ago. I can't tell you how much I wish I would have dated more in my 20s. If you are 24, you are doing an amazing job to try to heal your relationship. I had no wisdom at that age. I understand that pit in your stomach that it could end. I think the best thing you can do over the next coming days is focus on all of the things you love about him and tell him. My husband now wrote down something that was good each day for a year....I am struggling right now with my mental health. Reading this list made me realize that it isn't Dooms Day every day. I see strength in you! We fight and bicker quite a bit like an old couple.....but we forgive each other quickly. I am usually the reason for the fight so I know I need to work on that myself. Hang in there. Feel free to PM me too if you want.

[catsrock]

I don't know if I have any words that help, but I'm sending you strength and support and hoping you find a way back to each other.