My boyfriend makes fun of my anxiety and depression and thinks that I’m “faking it” and not actually depressed or anxious. He also gets angry at me when my symptoms get really bad and calls me crazy and says I need to see a doctor , which contradicts what he says about me faking it. We’ve been together for 4 years , going on 5 and he never ever made the effort to try to learn more about my mental illnesses and so I get mad but end up bottling it up because I don’t want to be alone.
But sometimes I feel like being with him hurts me more than anything else. He says hurtful things to me a lot and I can never turn to him when I’m down. He says that I’m too negative.
Today he told me I would end up all alone when I’m older , just like my mom. My mom also suffers from chronic depression . He then said it was only a joke and that I needed to loosen up.
How would you guys react to all this ? He’s all I have.
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flowerdee
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Hi flowerdee, this seems to be the topic this evening. Check out the post on "When non sufferers give their two cents"
In my opinion, when others demean us because of our anxiety or depression, that is
verbal/emotional abuse. No one deserves this kind of treatment. Because we tend to
feel as if we are ruining other's lives by being emotionally sick, we let these people
walk all over us. We are all human beings and deserve respect whether sick physically or emotionally. Would you talk down to someone who had Cancer or ALS or any other catastrophic illness? Of course you wouldn't.
We're not looking for sympathy just respect and some understanding.
I know you've been with your bf for almost 5 years, a long time. However he is basically
showing you with his words and letting you know that if you don't change you will be just
like your mother...ALONE.
To me that means, he would leave you in a heartbeat when the going got tough. When he
could no longer take another day of your mental illness. He may be all you have but is it
worth losing your identity to someone who would be so callous to you? In my opinion,
something needs to change. Either you miraculously need to be cured or he needs to
change his way of thinking regarding mental illness. I don't mean to come down hard
on you but it's better you start thinking about some options now then later down the road. You deserve to be accepted for who you are. xx
You’re not coming down hard on me at all , don’t worry.
I really appreciate you responding to my post , it means a lot to me.
It’s almost as if I know and feel exactly the same way you do , but i need to hear it from someone else.
I’m so scared of being alone and I feel like it’s sooo hard to love me that I’m afraid to lose him and have to find someone who will love me and everything that comes with it.
I will go check out the post you mentioned, thanks so much for your support tonight.
I’m so sad about all this , but I know that I shouldn’t feel bad about the way I am , and the person I’m with shouldn’t make me feel this way.
I’m sorry to hear you are going through this but not having support only intensifies everything. You are not alone. I’ve been dealing with the same issue for a very long time I’ve been with my husband for over 19 years and let me tell you that things are only getting worse in our relationship, he doesn’t understand he uses my illness against me calling me “crazy”. I seriously think know one will ever understand unless they have or are experiencing anxiety and depression.
I hope you are able to reach out to someone you trust and are able to talk to.
This breaks my heart to read . I’m sorry you also have to go through this with someone who is supposed to support you no matter what . It’s such a bad feeling.
I had a good friend who is a really good listener and actually made the effort to read up and understand more about what I go through mentally , but she found a boyfriend now and I don’t see her anymore because of that.
I feel a bit discouraged but seeing replies on my posts here and people going through the same thing as me makes me feel less alone , and for that I thank you. xx
I’ve been married almost thirty years and have been lonely my whole marriage. Husband always kept a divider up and only wanted things his way. Narcissist.
Hi flowerdee. I’m so sorry about what you’re going through. I almost threw my iPad across the living room when I read your post, because it angers me so much. I know you’re scared to be alone, but you need to kick his sorry ass out of your life. You deserve someone who loves you for who you are and is willing to look after you.
I have been married for 21 years and my husband did the same to me. I clearly remember it coming to a head, about 8 years ago. I had heard one too many times that I was making things up, too negative, he was fed up listening to me panicking about stupid stuff. And worse, he didn’t believe how bad my IBS was. He even complained he wasn’t getting enough sex because I never felt well enough 🙄🙄. Let me tell you, I told him to pack a bag and GET OUT. He got the fright of his life. I just lost it with him and told him that he was basically going against all the marriage vows we made and I was beginning to hate him. I actually emptied his wardrobe onto our bed, got him a suitcase and told him to pack it. I have him an ultimatum - actually make the effort to research my GAD and IBS, or the marriage was over. And I meant it.
Now, I was in a difficult position - I don’t work and we have kids. So I couldn’t just walk out and leave him. So I have him a chance to change his ways. We hardly spoke for months. But he did change his ways...it took a while. Problem is, I don’t think I can forgive him for it. I still feel so hurt by it. We’re still together and he treats me so much better.
I guess what I’m trying to say, is don’t let this go on. Don’t end up marries to someone, who treats you like this. Kick his ass out, or have a serious talk with him and see what he has to say for himself. Xxx
I can't agree with weegmack and agora more. Although I'm not with an emotionally abusive spouse the fact that he treats you this way is very upsetting. I hope you take some kind of action because you shouldn't have to live this way.
Hi there! First, I'd like to day that I'm sorry that he is being very self centered and hurtful. Second, all signs point towards a toxic relationship. When he threatens you with a "joke" that you will end up alone , that's not healthy. I tell you this because I was in a relationship for over 5 years with a guy who would use my grief, depresion, anxiety, feelings as a weapon against me. He would call me sensitive, annoying, crazy, amongst other horrible words and names. He would also say no one would ever want me. I did everything for a guy who disrespected me and emotionally, mentally and physically abused me. Even though it took me years I finally realized that he was part of the problem. That he did not control my happiness and my life. That I was able to escape the mental chains he put on me. I just had to take the step to leave him and distance myself. Talking to someone you trust on This situation helps. Also look up a local therapist. I go once a week to talk and it helps immensely.
There's nothing wrong with you. I want you to know that. What he says to you is completely false and is a tactic to make you stay. He's using fear. I want you to know that you will be ok if you leave him. Its hard at first but once you rid your life of the constant fear, harsh words, mental abuse, you will find yourself feeling free. You must take care of yourself. Psychologists are there to help. They help with coping, finding ways to control anxiety, digging to find the root of issues etc. Finding a hobby that you enjoy is also key!
You will NOT end up alone because of your anxiety, depression etc. You deserve to be happy and to be free of emotional/mental abuse. Please know that there are people who care and want to help you! Continue to reach out. You've made a huge step in doing so. I'm sorry for what is going on and for how you feel right now. People are here for you!!
I am so glad you reached out on this forum. The people here are very encouraging, supportive, and understand. I am so sorry your boyfriend is not being supportive and not willing to learn more about anxiety and depression. It is a real disease and he needs to be educated. Have you explained to him how much it hurts that he is not willing to understand and that his threats about you being alone are hurtful? Do you still love him or just afraid of being alone? Because you are not alone and there are people here who care and understand. Do you go to counseling? First, it would be good to discuss if he wants to still be in the relationship with you. If he does then you might consider counseling together. It doesn't sound like you communicate well together, and working with a counselor could help. However, it is important for you not to stay in an unhealthy relationship just because you don't want to be alone. I believe God has someone for everyone. You deserve to be loved and respected. I will be praying for you. Please keep in touch and let us know how you are doing. Hugs and Blessings!
Thanks for all your replies and support and for wanting to help me. It’s been very very hard for me since I’ve last been on here and it’s not necessarily better.
For those of you wondering , I’ve told my boyfriend just today that I really need him to understand or at least try to understand my illnesses (anxiety , depression ) , he says to let him know what to do and how to help.
I am away from him right now , have been for about 2 weeks , but I’ll be back in town next week so I will discuss in person with him.
Time apart helps, I think.
I personally am not doing good , anxiety is through the roof and soooo sad , so sad.
Im discouraged about so many things I cannot control , I cannot afford counseling where I was sent for work , so I do my best by myself.
So glad you hear your boyfriend is trying to understand and help. Therapy and medication is what is going to help. Here is a site that has some organizations, maybe they can provide some insight on how you can get the counseling you need. bit.ly/2BP0lha My thoughts and prayers are with you. Please keep in touch.
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I don't know what to do
What do I do - afraid to be alone
I dont know what else to do.
Do I stay or should I go?
I dont know what to do
