Struggling with body positivity

[Mifresita]

I am 17 and a women. During my childhood years I was always extremely skinny and would get bullied constantly not only by the kids in my grade but by adults as well. I remember this boys mom which I had just met in that moment say to me “you’re so skinny. You should eat a hamburger once in a while” and I had always been called anorexic even though I wasn’t and I had always been called skinny bone jones. On top of that bullied for the way my arms were hairy and the way my nose looks and how my boobs had always been on the smaller side (the boob comments had started in middle school). My dad had taken me to a doctor who said I was a good weight but just needed to gain a tad bit more he said to just drink protein shakes every morning. After, I literally sat in the chair waiting to leave while my dad and the doctor were basically roasting me commenting on how baggy my clothes were and that wearing those clothes make me look even skinnier and it seems like I would disappear in the fabric. Fast forward to high school I got a boyfriend and went on birth control. I gained the weight and it all went to my ass which I fancied a lot since I had always gotten bullied for being small. I was really confident. Until my dad started saying he was scared that I would get fat. He said that I should walk to the gym or join a yoga class. I had eaten a plate and had asked for another one time and he said no you already ate and I said but I’m still hungry and he looked at me like I was a beast or something then said fine but to not serve myself so much. I listened. Since quarantine I had been losing weight again because they had not been able to give me my birth control. However the other day I had scheduled an appointment and had gotten back on it. I was skinny, and now my mom says I’m getting fat again. I looked in the mirror and I do not feel confident anymore. I am stuck in between not being too skinny and not being fat. I lost all confidence and I don’t know what to do. It seems I’m not allowed to be anything according to anyone. My boyfriend says I’m perfect but of course he would say that. I just can’t seem to feel good about myself and I’ve been feeling horrible about it. I feel stuck. I feel like people are always expecting something of me with my image. And I really just want to be left alone. But it’s affecting me so much and becoming an issue

[Lixus]

Hi,

I've battled against a similar problem in the past and I'm still having problems about it sometimes.

I've always thought that I was fat and I had a "non-perfect body" I literally couldn't saw me in the mirror because I felt like I was ugly and I didn't like myself (even though my weight was normal for my height and age) And I had this problem not because I really thought it about myself, but because I thought that other people thought the same about me, about my body.

Then I realized that only matter two things about each other's bodies:

1. To be healthy (it's important to take care of yourself, not to be too fat or too skinny because both are bad) if your doctor or nutritionist says it's fine and you are healthy then it's fine.

2. To love yourself, doesn't matter what others think or say about you, is your body and if you like it then no one has the right to say anything about it. If you would like to have more muscle (for example), then exercise at home or in a gym, but only because you want to, not because others want you to do it.

If you feel good to tell what you really think about it I would recommend you to talk to your family and say what you think

I hope this can help you and feel free to ask me anything you want, if I can help, I will do it, ✨

[Mifresita in reply to Lixus]

Thank you for replying to me it means a lot

[Ubud2021]

Oh, honey!! I wish I could give you the biggest hug ever!!!

Okay, first things first. When you are 18, GET THE HELL OUT OF THERE!!! This house you grew up in, has a very toxic affect on you, due to your parents “perfect body” image. One thing that will always be true, is that you can’t/won’t always please your parents. Or anybody else for that matter. It’ll be so nice for you to move out, and get away from their body image beliefs. Maybe you could move into an apartment with some friends, and split the rent. Plus, being on your own is very liberating and fun. I am not saying that this will solve all of your problems! It most definitely will not. But, if you have the means to move out when your 18, I would personally do it.

Second, tell them their words have this negative affect on you. Be open. Have you talked to them before about this issue? Sometimes it works, and sadly, sometimes it doesn’t. But it’s worth a shot.

Also, you will have this body image issue for awhile, Because it was wired into your brain at such a young age. And especially with parents commenting, impacts how it’s going to affect you as well. Parents words are very strong. And tend to stick more.

Also, we face the body image issue in society. Right now, it’s like society is trying to figure out the “perfect” body image. I mean, before, it was very thin! Now, to be “perfect” you must be somewhere in the middle. Gosh!! Society and the media is so hard to keep up with, because things are constantly changing. Luckily, this day in age, we do have “body positivity.” No matter what size or shape you are, you are beautiful.

I would encourage you to definitely meet with a counselor that you truly connect with and can trust. This may mean talking to a few different counselors. And that is totally OKAY! But this issue has brought you trauma. It may not feel like “trauma” to you, but it has affected you deeply. So, try to find someone who specializes in trauma. (:

I was bullied as well, my family had a strong opinion on body image, I relate. So I’m only telling you these things because I have experienced things very very similar.

Keep on keeping on. Maybe start a blog, or a vlog, on this! You’ll find you inspire many, and people going through the same thing. Much love. 💕

[Mifresita in reply to Ubud2021]

Yeah it has been very traumatic. I looked in the mirror and sweared I looked deformed

[Ubud2021]

Another thing I want to add,

Even if you were “too skinny.”

Even if you were “too fat.”

How does this define you as a person? Does it make you any less competent? Does it make you any less successful?

How does it actually define you. Really, think about it. Write it down. Explore your thoughts.

[Mifresita in reply to Ubud2021]

Thank you so much for taking your time to write back to me I deeply appreciate it