Struggling Bad

[hunter4ransom]

So, my cut in child support hit me pretty hard. I live with my boyfriend of 7 years and he pays mortgage, his truck, and his Harley, and I pay EVERYTHING else... power, water, trash, cable, cell phones, groceries, dog care, doctor visits, household needs.... I couldn’t keep up even with my full child support. Now that I’m knocked down $450 mo (I will lose the the other $900 in June when daughter graduates) I need my boyfriends help with budgeting his income to help out a little more. I don’t make enough as a Paraeducator to cover all the bills he placed on me. Well, I tried to talk to him for comfort and he blew up on me. He went psycho and told me to get a real full time job not one at the school that’s only 35 hrs a week or I better get that other part time job at grocery store that’s 30hrs week to supplement my income. He said my disabled son needed to get a job and pay rent or get out, and he said my 16 year old daughter who works her butt off and is focusing on her senior year and college needs to have her car and insurance taken away (he helped her buy a little Toyota last summer and I pay insurance) and we both agreed we wanted her to stick with her studies.

I’m realizing my boyfriend wants the biggest and best of everything, but can’t maintain shit. He bought the Harley (in my name too) he can’t afford tabs so it sits. He is always late on payments. He just traded in his suburban, which was about to be repossessed, for a Ford F450 dually(sp?) which is more expensive than the suburban. Again, he guilted me into co-signing. The truck is ridiculous and a gas hog, but he liked it so he got it. The house we live in, his mom helped us out b4 getting sick with Alzheimer’s and being placed in care, is 2500 sq ft with 5 bed 3 bath and separate living area downstairs is way too much for me/for us to afford. My boyfriend refused smaller homes and was pissed this one didn’t have a shop. Ugh!!!!

I need out of this nightmare and have nowhere to go. I’m so low income that I can’t afford a studio apartment in the slums. The area I live in, the cost of living is ridiculous and wait list for low income housing (which are scary drug and gang infested shit holes) is 5 years.

I’m stuck in a vicious cycle of panic, fear, anxiety, and feel like I’m dying. My insides hurt, my outsides hurt, and I feel paralyzed. I’m in such shock at how horrible my boyfriend reacted to me and the things he said to me that I can barely function. I’m a zombie and wish I could be in a better place where I had control and an escape route to peace, calm, and safety of my own home.

I’m a mess. Worse than I’ve ever been. I got myself here trusting my boyfriend and all his promises over the years instead of focusing on his actions. Now I have to figure a way out for me and my kids mental health.

Thanks for letting me vent. I tried to talk to my mom, but she was little help and offered no comfort for my poor decision to get in relationship with my boyfriend so soon after my divorce.

Please tell me I can make it through this and that it will be okay.

—-Eileen

[gerg]

The one thing that I know is that we can make it through anything. It sounds like you have a lot to deal with, and that can make you feel hopeless. You need to remember these feelings so that you can learn from your difficult times. I say this from a lot of experience that has made me who I am today. I don’t have any specific advice for you, I just wanted you to know that you will survive.

[hunter4ransom in reply to gerg]

Thank you gerg. Your words are comfort to me.

[gerg in reply to hunter4ransom]

The good news is that it sounds like you have more blessings than problems. Keeping this in mind will help you get past the problems that you do have. I wish I could be there for you, I’d get you on the right path.

[Sillysausage234]

So sorry your feeling so bad Eileen ,hope things improve for you soon x

[Hidden]

The lower level is a separate living area? Is your house a legal two family, or mother daughter? You could rent it out.

[hunter4ransom in reply to Hidden]

Thank you Here_I_am. We are discussing renting 2 rooms in our home. It’s super stressful for me as I don’t like strangers in my home and sharing my personal space, but it’s a

logical solution for now. Our downstairs would bring in $700 and our spare room $500. The downstairs is like a studio apartment with its own bathroom, fireplace, and kitchenette. The upstairs is with the family and shared bathroom and kitchen with family. I’m so OCD with organizing and cleaning, the thought of sharing is driving me nuts.

[Hidden in reply to hunter4ransom]

All my dead extended family like grandparents all owned multi family houses in the city. They lived in one unit and would rent out the rest. Till the city declared eminent domain and they were forced to move into senior housing. My grandparents were always trying to get my parents to do the same. Looking back now it makes sense, because even if you lose your job you still have a stream of income.

[Want2BHappy3]

Sounds like you have No choice but to get a second job, as hard as it can be l. Sometimes you have to do what you gotta do. You made the mistake of signing on to things you shouldn't have, so now your on the hook. Maybe you can re-finance somethings? Try to not panick so you'll be able to to think things through? Believe me there are a lot of people worse off than you. Good luck

[Lymeforyears]

Hi hunter, I've been there. I helped my husband for 15 years with bills when he lived well above what he could afford. When he got sick I cared for him and stayed in hospital for two months (slept there and went to work in morning ). and helped him get better. When he got healthy he treated me like a doormat unless he needed money. I was 10 years younger then and was able to leave. I met a man after that who promised me the world. I hate dishonesty so I can't understand why I stayed with him. Now I have major health problems (late stage Lyme disease) and he could care less. I helped him through 3 back surgeries and aside from working in memory hospice care for those with Alzheimer's I never left his side. Whenever I say that I am in major pain etc he turns up the tv or doesn't make eye contact. It hurts so much as I take care of everything in house including dogs and one is very sick with heart failure and cancer. I know how hard your situation can be. I've tried meditating and you would not believe that u can actually have a little place of peace and calm in your life. One step at a time and one day at a time. I know my low self esteem kept me in not the best relationships but I know deep down I am a very strong person. I know how u feel about renting and jobs and it sure sounds like u have a full plate with your daughter and all but u can do it. Sounds like u want to stay where u are at so maybe rent on month to month basis til you get better off financially. Maybe meeting new friends on your new job will help give u the confidence to move on if u have to. I hope you get some helpful ideas and you have my support 💛💛👍