Lost

[Red94]

New here to this site, I haven’t been diagnosed but I know for a fact that I am suffering from depression and anxiety, it seems to be the worst when I have to go to work. It makes me sick to my stomach, I feel so uneasy and super sad when I wake up in the mornings knowing I have to come to work. I have many breakdowns at work during the day to where I have to go hide in the bathroom for 30-40 minuets at a time and try not to cry, or I have to call my husband and talk to him. He does his best to help me but idk what to do. I just feel so uneasy being out in public a lot of the time which is stressful because he is a very social person. I feel the most safe and secure being at home with my pets, I have 2 dogs and 2 cats, they help immensely. I do exercise when I can pull myself together to go to the gym, but I usually tend to be extremely tired all the time. Even if I sleep 8 hours I wake up still feeling exhausted. I just wish I could disappear and not have to worry about the responsibilities of being an adult or anything else for that matter. It’s hard to talk to other people who don’t feel this way because it’s easy for them to just say you’ll get over it or stop acting like that it’s not that serious. I feel so alone at times even with my husbands support, he doesn’t fully understand what I’m going though, because I don’t fully understand why I feel this way either. I’m scared to go to the doctor because I don’t want to be put on pills and be feel like a zombie.

[Chocolatenuggets]

Hey, I’m having the same problem, and haven’t found a way to fix it either. I don’t feel anxious at work, just numb and depressed. I’ve thought about disappearing too, but it’s realistically not possible. I’m not sure what to tell you, except that you’re not alone in this and that it’s real. As we speak, I’m hiding in the break room, about to have a meltdown.

[Red94 in reply to Chocolatenuggets]

Thank you for your response, and yes as we speak I too am hiding in the bathroom trying to not cry, this is my first day back to work since last Thursday because I called out not wanting to feel the depression and anxiety that comes with being here, I just want to go home. It’s not just this job either I’ve felt this at all the jobs I’ve had in my life so I don’t really know what the solution is because like you said it’s not realistic to disappear so it’s not like I can just quit my job and never work again. Today’s been rough that’s for sure

[Chocolatenuggets in reply to Red94]

I wish I could call out everyday. I am not sure why we are ljke this, but it sucks. I used to be able to hide it before but now it’s gotten to the point where I don’t even have the strength to try. Yeah, I have felt like this at multiple jobs too, and I keep thinking I just need to find my calling, but idk, it’s been years. If anything, we have each other.

[LilyAnnepuppy]

Welcome to this site. You will find quite a few caring, knowledgeable people here who will understand what you’re going through.

I can identify with all of your feelings. A couple of years ago, the effects became so debilitating that I sought told my GP and suggested I go for counseling. His diagnosis was Major Depression and Anxiety Disorder (with associated PTSD due to some traumatic events).

I sought out a therapist for counseling and am now seeing a psychiatrist for meds.

But everyone is different and take separate paths to address our problems.

Keep posting and let us know how you’re doing

[Hidden]

I am so sorry you are going through this. I can understand the comfort of staying at home with your pets. It is fine not to be on medication but what about therapy? Therapy will give you the chance to talk openly and get to the root of why you are depressed.

[tinygold]

I feel the same way, my breakdowns are usually about 30 minutes before work. I truly am very unhappy there. but what I can tell you is I was better when I was going to see a psychiatrist and psychologist. Right now I'm not seeing either and I can tell the difference. you don't necessarily need to be put on medication, I didn't want to at first either, but at least with a psychologist you can talk out your issues. currently online looking for a good one myself.

[Hidden]

The job sounds draining. Suppose you could take a course to either help self development or help you with a change of job. I went on some courses and was able to work with office skills and reception work. I even was encouraged to study vetinary nursing whilst working at a vets on reception. Expect you have had wellwoman tests for hormone levels. Tests for iron and vitamin d deficiency might help with vitamin b tests especially B12. Hope you have a chance to get health checks and discuss your work problems with your husband. Running a home is work in itself so if you are so tired there might be a reason which can be readily helped by your GP. Take care.

[Tealribbon]

Welcome....I agree with Lilyanne, you will fine a lot of caring and understanding people here. No judging. Pets are awesome. They know when we are upset. Just because you go to the doctor doesn't mean you must take medication. Sometimes there are physical reasons for depression like Birmanblue suggested, maybe Hypo thyroid. It never hurts to have that checked out. And if our hormones are out of wack (from PMS, menopause or birth control) that can contribute too. I can understand just wanting to disappear, only for a bit, to regain my focus and strength. It had to try and maintain your composure and hide your anxiety/depression while at work and folks watching you. It would be easier if we had a broken arm or leg.....something visible or tangible. Emotions we can't see. I am sorry your are experiencing this. Keep us posted.

[Red94]

Thank you all for your responses, it means a lot and has already helped me feel a little better today. I had a mini breakdown a few minutes ago again and was crying while I was working hoping no one would come into my cubicle where I was because I didn’t want to have to explain why I was crying. I have never really thought about therapy or anything of that sort so I will most definitely seek it out and give it a try. I will also look into getting checked out vitamin deficiency as well.

[lovetodance2018]

Hi and welcome to HU. I am so glad you reached out here. I totally understand how you are feeling. I have struggled with depression for over 20 years. Depression is a real illness and it is important to seek professional help. I have learned it is a chemical imbalance in the brain that happens. According to clinical-depression.co.uk, clinical depression is often said to be caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain. There is a reduction in the amount of certain neurotransmitters found (monoamines such as serotonin and norepinephrine) in depressed people. That is why antidepressant medicine helps balance those chemicals. Some people are more prone to have those chemicals go off balance. For me I also did not want to go on medication, but I also couldn't stand feeling that deep darkness and I couldn't explain it or make it go away on my own. I found with the right medication and counseling I have learned what my triggers are, the signs of when depression seems to be happening in my life, and taking measures not to spiral. I would recommend going to see a counselor and then discuss from there if medication is an appropriate decision. For me I discovered that my triggers were being too hard on myself, having too high and usually unreasonable expectations, and that I had to learn to give myself a break. No one is perfect and God never expected us to be perfect. He has a plan for each of us, we are each uniquely and wonderfully made. I have to remind myself no two people are the same and we each have our own special qualities that God gave us. Not comparing myself to others too, has been huge in my healing process. I will be praying for you and know you will start feeling better with the right help. Please continue to share and reach out anytime. We are here for you. Know you are not alone, we understand the struggles of anxiety and depression. God Bless! Hugs!

[dangerousmind4523]

Hi Red94, I must say that it has been a real emotional roller coaster as of late. I have been dealing with mental illness for quite some time but I just have learned that my diagnoses may have been all wrong; however, we cannot change the past-only live in the present and prepare for the future. Being labeled is not fun nor is it fair but docs are human and do make mistakes. My goal in life is just to live and be happy with who I am.