What we feel is real

[sbielski]

I’m a 30 year old female who has been diagnosed with severe anxiety, panic attacks, and PTSD. The worst part is when you are trying to focus on yourself and you have people nice to your face and behind your back talking about you. Why can’t people try to understand what it’s like to have a mental illness? None of us asked for this to happen to us. We would all change it if we could. Yes it’s not like a broken bone you can see, but it is still real.

[Hidden]

Yes what we feel is very real.

For me though I’ve a little bit of paranoia, plus people cannot possibly understand our disorders any more than we can feel what it’s like to break a bone if we haven’t.

It take time and practice on how cope and if this triggers you further, you’ll want to have strategies for that too. We don’t have to change necessarily, but accept what we’ve been dealt, seek the best treatment that can be afforded us, center around those that do accept us (they don’t have to fully understand us or our feelings). And of course use this as an outlet for support as well.

[sbielski in reply to Hidden]

That is what scares me the most. There are people in my life that tell me they accept me, but then talk about me behind my back saying they do not want to be my babysitter. I never asked for you to be my babysitter. It’s tough to face reality that this is me right now even though I don’t want it to be me.

[Hidden in reply to sbielski]

How do know they are talking behind your back? Do you have someone telling you of these conversations? And to be honest I don’t really see anything bad in that per se, if what you are hearing is exactly that.

Depending on your history, perhaps something happened that they would feel better, if someone was there to help and assist you, but don’t know how or have the means to.

I’m not making light of your situation, sometimes we have to shut the damn noise off, you are probably extra sensitive like I am at times, this is the disorder not you.

[sbielski in reply to Hidden]

I have seen messages. I go to therapy and it’s takes a lot out of me to trust even that person but I have been extremely open with my therapist.

I am so sensitive and people try to tell me to man up I’m fine, but they don’t know how I feel inside.

[Hidden in reply to sbielski]

Well these people telling you to man up, look at my first post, this is where you will need to work with therapy to shut these noisy people off, because they will never understand or feel what you feel. I know what’s it like to try a drill what you feel so hard into people. I did it again this morning with my husband and I forgot that he is clueless 😂😂so I had to shake it off quickly or it would have taken down my entire day.

Finding and implementing strategies for dealing with such people will be a daily commitment. Your therapist will help you, medication therapy too if you are getting help in that regard.

[Brex66 in reply to sbielski]

Telling you to “man up” really pisses me off. (Pardon my language) my ex did this to his nephew often and it is so insulting ! These are ignorant people telling you that. 😒

[Hidden in reply to Brex66]

That is so disheartening to a young man. So he mans up, takes dad's gun to school to show dad who's the man? Parents should wake up, become aware.

[Brex66 in reply to Hidden]

Agreed

[urbetterthanthem in reply to Hidden]

what???

[urbetterthanthem in reply to sbielski]

going to people like that for support is like dressing a wound with hydrochloric acid...dumb! Try to find some good people to be in your life..You will know them by the absence of insensitive statements like that...It is so important for your recovery to surround yourself with the RIGHT people! Because if you are surrounded with toxic people who are really part of the problem then you wil recover much slower or not at all

[sbielski]

I’m on medication as well. It just scares me because the person who is the least understanding is my fiancé’s mother. He tells me he will never leave me he will always be here for me, I’m just scared his mom could ruin that 🙁 thank you for talking to me

[Hidden in reply to sbielski]

Mother in laws comes in all shape and sizes personality wise. I had a completely uncaring mother in law, or so I thought. It was how she said things, abruptly, very curt. I’m hoping that yours maybe the same way. I used to think she was being cruel, this was just how she was. She died of a staph infection in the hospital a few years back, hense ‘she was’.

Your fear I’m hoping is just your disorder talking. If your husband loves you half as much as mine does me, he’ll be with you through hell and back. Mine doesn’t lack empathy, he very much cares but often feels helpless, frustrated that he can’t do more.

[sbielski in reply to Hidden]

That’s exactly how he is. And I feel I do not deserve it. He cares so much, but there are times he does not know what I need or what he can do. I feel like he deserves so much more than me. I love him so much but I don’t want to be a burden.

[Hidden in reply to sbielski]

I’ve used that word burden so many times with mine. Mine set me straight on the feeling of being a burden.

We are NOT burdens to those that love us unconditionally. Think of it this way, you’d feel the same about your husband if he had what you have right? No question you would stand by him.

I’m not allowed to say burden any more. 😂😂😂

[sbielski in reply to Hidden]

I’m working on not saying burden. He has told me he loves me unconditionally and I could never be a burden. It’s his least favorite word I use.

I would do anything for him. But why do I feel that someone shouldn’t do it for me?

You truly are amazing. Thank you for talking with me.

[Hidden in reply to sbielski]

What you feel is normal, we feel less than because we are limited, we don’t want to be limited but we are. You feel as though you can’t give as good as you get, but unselfish people like your husband is getting plenty. He knows you love him, he knows you are doing or will do your best to overcome these obstacles and has faith in you.

[Hidden]

I have dealt with mental health issues for along time now. Had my first panic attack when I was 12 or 13, I'm 37 now. But anyways, although there is MUCH progress to be made, I have seen SOME changes with the stigma associated with mental illness. Back when I was diagnosed most people had never even heard of a panic attack and I stopped trying to explain it, now with political correctness, I recently learned that you shouldn't even say the words "panic attack", but you should say "anxious episode" and you don't have a "panic disorder" but you are a "deepthinker". I'm not much on political correctness, but those terms are easier to accept, for me anyways. Point is that even though a lot of people are ignorant to the subject, and don't get it, many are starting to pick up on the fact that having a mental illness doesn't mean we are going to shoot up a school or Church or something. In fact I believe us "deepthinkers" are brilliant people! Smarter than most actually! There are always going to be those people that will never get it, but just in my lifetime I have noticed SOME progress with this. At least now we can join a support group with 36,000 members and talk and about it. I used to not be able to even tell anyone. We must stay strong for the next generation and let our stories be known. Soon those people who talk behind our backs will become fewer and fewer. I mean only children make fun, or talk bad about someone blind, deaf, or in a wheelchair etc... one day our problems will be more understood, accepted and not looked down upon. I'm actually glad they don't understand, because if they did, that's means they have probably either share our struggle, or know somebody that's does, and I wouldn't wish this on anybody, even though I know that it has been a gift at times. I see things that those "normal people" don't, and I'm not talking about hallucinations. I remember when it used to be okay to say crippled or retarded etc, one day it won't be hip to say crazy. Progress will come in time! They just don't get it, but save your breath trying to explain it lol..

[sbielski in reply to Hidden]

You are 100 % right it just hurts that people think it’s okay to make fun of us or I have someone telling people they don’t want to be my babysitter.

[urbetterthanthem in reply to sbielski]

that's insulting and completely inappropriate...kind-hearted mature people don't say things like that to their friends or family

[Hidden]

Look at it this way. Sure they talked behind your back, but knowing what you know now, do you really even want someone like that watching your baby? Doesn't sound very empathetic or caring to me. See now we just talked behind her back haha. You see what they THINK doesn't matter, but what you KNOW does. Just remember haters are gonna hate.

[sbielski in reply to Hidden]

No no she meant I need a babysitter for me.

[Hidden]

Oh okay I got you. My bad. I'm still on your side.

[sbielski in reply to Hidden]

Thank you! It means a lot to talk to people who truly understand

[Hidden]

I understand you, I just don't understand how to read appearly lol. I've learned to laugh at myself and it doesn't hurt as bad when others laugh at me.

[sbielski in reply to Hidden]

I’ve been trying to get to that point. I was just diagnosed in June. I thought I would be further along, but right now all I want to do is lay with my dog and not go anywhere.

[Hidden in reply to sbielski]

Sounds just like me minus the June part. I just signed up here yesterday because I need some type of outlet.

[sbielski in reply to Hidden]

We sound very similar. I appreciate you

[urbetterthanthem in reply to sbielski]

find passions in your life.. a social group...something to do..a loose routine like maybe a group you go to once a week or every two weeks..

[Hidden]

I know it is so mean and adds to suffering !! The thing I’ve learned with back to back trauma is you just ignore those judgment makers. You remember when your life was not like this. So be graceful to yourself. In this you out your wellness first what you’re lose your let walk away if it comes back it does but we on journeys learn that we lose companions and gain companions we need at times as life happens. So let go and live on. And if they’re real bitches you let go. If you get them alone and overall good people say it’s no secret I’m having ptsd and I know you want me better as do I and ( no but) we all need our times with unexpected events I’m doing my best just as you do yours in life and I’m happy when I think about that. The victim gets victimized it’s true so try not to be a victim they’re just people there’s more out there

[8L0ND1E]

Isn’t it ridiculous that even in our 30’s, we still have to deal with people being assholes? I struggle with PTSD, severe anxiety and depression myself. Focusing on yourself to try and get better are huge challenges when you don’t feel supported, or the time you try to spend to get better is continuously interrupted or stunted by rude people. I still don’t know how to cope with this. Sometimes I feel like my anxiety runs my life. I wish I had something else to offer, but just know you’re not alone. There are people who are in struggling with the same stuff you are and understand, and are here to listen. God bless,

X

[Hidden]

Yes. this is real and not just something we can push a button and it will go away. I kept my depression to people close to me only. Because they keep judging people with mental illness. They think it's easy but it's not. Everyday you struggle to get through all the stress, the pressure and life's problems. But instead of help all you get are people looking at you like your crazy.

[sbielski in reply to Hidden]

That’s the worst part about it. People look at me like I’m crazy and then I start wondering if I’m crazy.

[Hidden in reply to sbielski]

Yes. They make me feel like an outcast. Not only in my work but other people once they knew about your mental illness. Gossips would start.

[Dolphin14]

You are not crazy. We suffer from something that most in society don't understand or believe in. So we are pressured in our own head by the stigma.

As far as the mother in law goes, just ignore her. In-laws can be critical of anything we do.

This is a journey we have to take on and fight alone. We may have supporters but it's all our work to do. It's hard work and can be a long fight. Don't let others pull you down. You know what you are going through is real. All of us here do.

Keeping reaching out to this community of people who can support you and validate your feelings.