Is depression real?

[pandaeyes1]

For most of my life, I’ve struggled with these conflicting feelings of being very depressed and doubting if these are even real. Part of me feels like my sadness is uncalled for, and I’m just being overly sensitive and weak. I can’t make up my mind of how I’m feeling and what I’m supposed to feel.

But when I open up to my friends, they’ve either told me I’m overly clingy or too sensitive or they’ve told me that it’s too much and they can’t handle it. I mean, I don’t blame them. Who wants to deal with someone who’s always talking about killing themselves and being down on themselves?

At my new job of the last three years, I’ve made a friend who’s been incredibly understanding and helpful. She went through some pretty bad situational depression and was on meds for a while. I felt like she understood a lot of my struggles, and she’s been there when I needed help. But every time I talk to her about this conflicting aspect, she tells me about how this isn’t a “it just is” kind of deal. And while I understand and accept that many parts of my depression come from life “trauma” and bad coping skills, I don’t think it’s completely due to that. I believe it’s rare to have a purely physiologic depression that has nothing to do with their lives, but I do think many who are very depressed have a genetic disposition to be. And sometimes there’s no reason do it. I think we disagree on this, and I always feel invalidated when we talk about it. I already struggle so hard to accept that I’m depressed and what I feel isn’t my fault; I know she’s trying to put more power in me than in my feelings, but it just reads to me that I’m not trying hard enough; It’s my fault; whatever I’m feeling isn’t real. It’s not like cancer or schizophrenia where there’s an organic inherent abnormality. It’s just my personal flaw. Too weak to deal with the world.

She texted me this below. And I don’t know why I’m so bothered by it. And I don’t really know how to go about expressing this to her either ...

[Hidden]

Well, I think it's a gray area here as to what's really a fact and what is an opinion. In my eyes, both of you have valid points. Maybe you feel like you're seeing or feeling something that she doesn't. I would just be glad that you have a good friend that you can talk to about this stuff and you can agree to disagree about certain things. Forget about who's right and who's wrong, try to find some middle ground. This isn't something you want to lose her as a friend over, is it???? Are there other things she's said or done that are upsetting you? If not, I would just let her have her beliefs and be grateful for her friendship.

[pandaeyes1 in reply to Hidden]

That’s true. I think it just makes me feel worse sometimes. I know she doesn’t mean it to be that way. They don’t happen often, but it makes me feel even more isolated and not understood? Or accepted? I do t really know. It just triggers the I don’t have depression I’m just a weak person who can’t handle stress spiral. And I feel like there’s no other disease that someone would ever say what she said. Even other mental illnesses like schizophrenia or bipolar disorder. But for some reason, depression is such a grey zone. I think it definitely has to do with the way we interpret depression as sadness as she said. But I think there’s a difference between that kind of situational depression and whatever the heck I’m feeling?? Or maybe I’m just making excuses for myself

[Hidden in reply to pandaeyes1]

I get what you're saying. I have trouble with severe depression and anxiety myself, or I wouldn't be on here!!!! There is stigma about it. However, it sounds to me like she really wasn't meaning to say anything mean or derogatory towards you, she was just talking about how she feels about it. I wouldn't take what she says so personally. That's all I'm trying to say.

[pandaeyes1 in reply to Hidden]

I know. It’s just hard not to feel hurt and rejected in that moment.

[Hidden]

Depression is very real. There are many types of depression. For example,

Major depression

Persistent depression

Bipolar disorder

Depressive psychosis

Perinatal depression

PMDD

Seasonal depression

Situational depression

Atypical depression

The type of depression I think your friend thinks people fall under is situation depression which is simply untrue. I don’t think your friend meant harm or malice in her comment, she’s just very uninformed, inexperienced. I don’t think she lacks empathy or the ability to Empathize with you or others.

This conversation could be a starting point for you to work with her as I would like to hope she would like to further understand, maybe by looking up these various forms of depression and their uses in diagnosis for those who suffer. 🌺💜

[pandaeyes1 in reply to Hidden]

I know it comes from a good place. And she’s helped me a lot over these few years. I guess that’s why it always hurts more when these things happen. Because I trust her, and I know she knows me so well. It feels like an indirect denial and demand for an explanation. She’s older than I am, so it sometimes feels like the older sister telling the younger sister to toughen up and think harder to work things out. Which isn’t a bad thing. I don’t really know what I need I guess.