Hurting, lonely and lost

[Rockyp]

Hi, I am a 58 old woman who suffers from major depression without medication. My Fiance walked out on me Sunday morning because he quit drinking 3 years ago and can't handle when I have a couple beers every few weeks. This is the second time he has done this. The first, we were in the process of buying a house in another state, I lost money, and had to scramble to find a place to live fast. My home had burnt to the ground a few months before and my fire insurance only would pay my rent for so long. So, I bought a place and he came back. I let him because I love him very much. He has BiPolar and is narcissistic. Very controlling, demeaning and has basically drained me financially. I didn't expect him to walk out but I had opened a beer and he said you know how I feel when you drink. I responded back that I only drink 3 to 4 beers every couple weeks and that I was not stopping so he could control me. He left the next morning telling me he loved me and I was the one who had to look in the mirror and want to stop. That he would check back within a year and when I can show him the coins from AA meetings he would consider me sober and left. I moved to a place I know no one, my family live far away and at my age, I feel I have zero chance of meeting a good man. I think that was part of the reason I always take him back, the loneliness is brutal and the day moves so slow, I feel like I can't get past one second without going insane. I feel so broken, lost, unlovable. At this stage of my life, I should be enjoying my life, Not getting dumped and being heartbroken. Any words of advise would be appreciated. Thanks

[CazO46]

Hi Rockyp, I am so sorry about the break up of your relationship, it can be really tough when both of you want to be supportive of one another but sometimes it's all we can do to keep our head above water. It's sounds like there are things about this relationship that were very difficult for you but we get used to what we know and accept things maybe we shouldn't. Perhaps you would go and spend some time with friends and family and be with people you love and who love you. If you can't do that then stay in touch here and we can keep you company xx

[Rockyp in reply to CazO46]

Thanks for the advise. I will get through this. Just hit me out of the blue and I feel a little better each day!

[Hidden]

I would echo what CazO46 said. Come here if you need or just want to talk. It is better when you have an ear that truly listens. Peace!

[Want2BHappy3]

Rocky there's a saying"I'd rather be sick alone than being sick with someone", sorry dear but you're too old and too much to lose by putting up with a loser whose only with you for Financial support? Your the only one losing anything it sounds like. I understand not wanting to be alone, I'm 63, though I have a boyfriend we've never lived together nor do I want too he's got a spoiled rotten daughter who has him emotionally hostage. Go on AARP, there are resources to help with that. And seniorforum.com. Tons of advice there.

Your selling yourself short and you deserve better.

[Rockyp in reply to Want2BHappy3]

Thanks for your advise. I always have been a giver type person and sell myself short. I will be ok and feel better each day. I realize that I am the one who always hoped for him to change when I didn't change myself. I put blinders on how he treated me just so I would not be alone. I fell tormented he left but at peace that I don't have to walk on egg shells anymore. I have to learn to love me again.

[Want2BHappy3]

Your welcome, we woman are always trying to fix men, they are who they are little boys with a mommy complex. (Not all men). I'm glad things are getting better for you, don't give up. Hugs

[Hidden]

Hello there ☺️

I'm really sorry that you have to go through this. It seems like a lot, and I think you are very brave and very strong woman. You were in very abusive relationship and even if it feels bad and painful right now, please try to be patient. You will feel so much better, so much healtier and happier without him. Controling and abusive narcissist is a type of a person you want to run away from. Trust me. You can never know where, when and how you will meet the right one for you. But in order for that to happen, you have put your past behind you, to make a very solid decision that you will never take your ex back, no matter what. I know how brutal loneliness can be, believe me, but once when you try to accept it, not as some form of punishment or a proof that life is unfair, but simply as normal and natural human condition that can be very beneficial, it gets so much easier. It can even be enjoyable. ☺️ Really. Loneliness helped me to learn so much about myself and my true needs, about other people and my relationships with them, it gave me time and chance to heal and to appreciate the person I've become after everything I've been through. Try to think of your loneliness as of deserved time that you can spend with the most important person in your life. With You. And I promise, after all this pain and sadness and confusion and feelings of not being loved and wanted, a great times of calmness, joy and inner strength will come. And then Mr. Right will show up. ☺️

I hope I helped a little bit. I wish you luck. 💜